Signs a Narc is Cheating

[Lisa Love]

Hi everyone,

my husband has been acting very shady the last 6 months and I’m starting to believe he cheats on me whenever I’m away. He staying up at night until 2 am when he has to go to work at 6 am. When I ask him if he’s seeing anyone he’ll be like “idk am I” keeping me in a constant state of worry. He’ll comment about other women in front of me and make it into a “joke”. I’m waking up to the fact that he has some real narcissistic traits but I just feel completely lost at this point. My family is a full of narcs as well so there’s no one I can turn to. It’s like I’m living a life in a reality that dosent feel real. 
The only other weird thing i found was cum on the carpet near a closet door. So I’m like wait is he masterbating in the closet when I’m asleep. It’s making me physically sick and I’m on the way out the door but I feel like I need to know the truth for my own sanity. I know he’ll never tell me if he is so idk what to do at this point. Tomorrow I’m reaching out to a therapist just for myself because I’m actually starting to feel like my meanly health is deteriorating and he won’t confirm or deny a single thing. 

[Wiseman2]

It seems like you have a couple of options.

Start with putting down the DSM5 and picking up the phone.

Privately and confidentiality talk with an attorney about your options in the event of divorce.

There's no point labeling him or searching your place for semen or other evidence of cheating.

You despise him, so just pull the plug and get your ducks in a row in order to divorce.

[SooSad33]

You feel he is a narc and you are not happy with him ( you are really not sure if he's cheating or not = no trust).

For whatever reason there's a mess on the carpet, yeah, he may be pleasing himself (which is normal, but you don't fancy that).

Not sure how you know he's up til 2, when he has get up at 6? Nor, why that may mean he is cheating.

Fact is, you don't like his attitude with you.

So, if this is so and you feel you're in need of therapy ( I feel has much to do w/ your past as well- I suggest you do this) .

 

 

[lostandhurt]

You are focused on the wrong issue in the marriage.  How does he treat you?  Do you feel loved and cherished? Is the marriage have fair and open communication?  Does he support your dreams?  Is he supportive at all?

Whether or not he is cheating would be the icing on the cake from what you described.  You don't need to catch him cheating to end the marriage, you just need to see that he is a horrible husband that only cares about himself and treats you like crap. 

If you are already decided to divorce him then why do you need proof?  Just start the wheels in motion to end this.

Therapy for yourself is a great idea since he has probably beaten down your self esteem and confidence over the years.  Get healthy mind and body and start secretly planning your escape.

  Lost

[smackie9]

I hope you are getting the benefits you need out of therapy. Since it's been 3 weeks can you update us?

[Rose Mosse]

12 hours ago, lostandhurt said:

You are focused on the wrong issue in the marriage.  How does he treat you?  Do you feel loved and cherished? Is the marriage have fair and open communication?  Does he support your dreams?  Is he supportive at all?

Whether or not he is cheating would be the icing on the cake from what you described.  You don't need to catch him cheating to end the marriage, you just need to see that he is a horrible husband that only cares about himself and treats you like crap. 

If you are already decided to divorce him then why do you need proof?  Just start the wheels in motion to end this.

Therapy for yourself is a great idea since he has probably beaten down your self esteem and confidence over the years.  Get healthy mind and body and start secretly planning your escape.

  Lost

Yes. Reread this again and again. Excellent advice.

You're too worried about classifying him in order to understand him (very common). Don't reach too far. Look within and see whether you're happy overall and whether this marriage is salvageable. Don't worry so much about going into the world of psychology. At the end of the day, it does not matter. What matters is that you're healthy, happy and growing/flourishing or in a place where you can do those things. 

Keep us posted.