Jump to content

My (ex) blocked on Snapchat after we had sex


Recommended Posts

Hi everyone!

Ex into parentheses because I have never been in an actual relationship with this guy.

We had a quick situationship months ago after we started talking through a uni groupchat. I developed a big crush on him and he told me that he liked me, we decided to meet and I lost my virginity to him this day (I know..) but it went too fast for him and we both weren't ready for a relationship at the time, plus we had a pregnancy scare after this, so we "broke up" on good terms and never talked or saw each other again. 

Three days ago, there was a party at the place he lives in and I was invited, not him. At some point my friends left and I ended up messaging him on Snapchat (we kept each other on every social media) and I told him that I was at his place, bored, and wanted company.

He told me it wasn’t a good idea to see each other after what we’ve been through, with me being drunk and him sober, that it will make things messy again. I said that it was fine, that it was only for one night, and that I was over him.

He finally told me that I could stay the night at his but that nothing could happen. I agreed... but once arrived we ended up having sex. 

It was awful afterwards because he told me how he tried to forget about our story but that me popping up and us having sex again was a huge mistake. I also cried at some point, realizing that I wasn’t really over him. 

We promised that we’ll never talk again. We didn’t sleep well that night. 

When I left in the morning, we hugged each other and he told me «have fun hating me» as a goodbye, with a smile.

I thought things were «cool» but apparently not. He blocked me on Snapchat (nowhere else) yesterday, 24 hours after it happened.

I don’t really know what to think about this action, so if you want to help me overthink, feel free :)

Link to post
Share on other sites
7 minutes ago, ellarzy said:

We promised that we’ll never talk again.

You're not overthinking. He's simply following through on this promise. He doesn't want to hear from you again. Not much you can do about that, but bow out of his life for good. 

Is he dating someone? Maybe he doesn't want notifications from you popping up while he's spending time with another girl. 

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
1 hour ago, ellarzy said:

He told me it wasn’t a good idea to see each other after what we’ve been through, with me being drunk and him sober, that it will make things messy again. I said that it was fine, that it was only for one night, and that I was over him.

He finally told me that I could stay the night at his but that nothing could happen. I agreed... but once arrived we ended up having sex. 

I’m sorry you are going through this. It never feels nice. What I will say, though, is be very careful of pressuring someone to do something they don’t want to do. Consent is a very tricky thing for some people to navigate. Although he willingly participated in being with you, you also did not accept or respect his wanting to not see you. You put yourself at his place, you contacted him proposing one night, to which he said he didn’t think it was a good idea, nor did he really want to get into that. You kept pushing it until he gave in, which was wrong. It appears that you put him in a position where he didn’t feel like he could say or enforce ‘no’ very easily. You may have “agreed” that nothing would happen, but if you were truly honest with yourself you would admit that you went there with the intention of being intimate with him despite agreeing not to be together. 

So, please just be very careful about how you get consent from someone, as, to me, it reads as him being very reluctant to be involved with you physically or otherwise and was left with little choice, and he has now taken steps to make sure it cannot happen again. You need to listen more when someone tells you they don’t want something.

Edited by LotusBlack
  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
5 hours ago, ellarzy said:

It was awful afterwards because he told me how he tried to forget about our story but that me popping up and us having sex again was a huge mistake. 

Sorry this happened.  Don't date men who treat you like an unpaid callgirl. Delete and block him on all your social media and messaging apps.

Edited by Wiseman2
  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

Nothing to overthink. He meant what he said and is following through on it.

Please delete all his contact info from your phone so you never pull this again. You were basically drunk dialing and forcing yourself on him even after he repeatedly told you that he really isn't interested and would rather not see you or deal with you ever again. No surprise that he blocked you. He meant what he said to you and is acting consistently with what he said. He is totally done and you need to move on.

 

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

I tried to force myself on my ex too. It went very badly. He didn't want me and I basically humiliated myself trying to get him to change his mind. At some point I finally found my misplaced dignity and stopped bugging him.

Don't contact him anymore. He is not the right one for you.

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites

I see it as a help-along. He's helping you see that you're not the one for him so oblige and let him go. It's easier said than done so lean on good friends and family. 

If you feel you may be tempted to contact again, try and redirect your thoughts elsewhere, work on other interests or hobbies. It's a matter of time before he fades out completely from your life. 

 

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
On 4/8/2021 at 6:31 AM, ellarzy said:

I don’t really know what to think about this action, so if you want to help me overthink, feel free :)

I think he's following through on what he said earlier, that he didn't think it was a good idea for the two of you to be involved. 

I think he blocked you because you didn't respect his wishes, but instead minimized them and cajoled him into letting you stay, and ultimately having sex.

He is being smart: He's limiting his contact with someone who has proven that she can't be trusted to respect him.

Edited by Jibralta
  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Restore formatting

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

×
×
  • Create New...