Jump to content
'

My toxic relationship and ignoring red flags


Recommended Posts

1 minute ago, Batya33 said:

I made no presumptions.  You made many presumptions and assumptions about her though. I love what Boltnrun wrote - if by supportive you mean agreeing with you that the reason she didn't want to be committed to you was because she was broken -that's an assumption I wouldn't make and that is unhealthy for you to make despite the short term validation.   I don't think you can forget everything.  You can choose to let the memories exist and choose to react by simply noticing they exist but not by doing anything or stopping the doing of anything in response.  It gets easier..

Thank you. 

Link to post
Share on other sites
Just now, onwardswego said:

Did your ex boyfriend tell you they loved you? Did you ever feel that they loved you when you were intimate? Could you see it in their eyes? I’m just curious, as I’d like to know how you’re convinced the didn’t.

I had a very similar but shorter experience like Boltnrun.  I don't think he told me he loved me but even if he had, he never was in love with me.  He was a reformed player, he implied he'd cheated on past girlfriends, I was over the moon about him and he was the only person I slept with ever before being in love (both of us) and without waiting months.  He at first just wanted monogamy not exclusivity.  I said no.  I'd never conditioned sex on exclusivity.  Big mistake.  He introduced me to his family, friends, loved playing at being a couple but no he wasn't in love with me and ended things.  But instead of giving into the temptation of telling myself he still was a player/a long term bachelor -I accepted he wasn't that into me.  And I cannot tell you how much that helped me when 6 months later he met and fell in love with his future wife.  Truth be told, he contacted me after he met her in an inappropriate way -and so for all I know he cheated on her -but since I'd accepted he just wasn't that into me it didn't sting as much when he committed to her after we ended things.

Link to post
Share on other sites
9 minutes ago, onwardswego said:

Did your ex boyfriend tell you they loved you? Did you ever feel that they loved you when you were intimate? Could you see it in their eyes? I’m just curious, as I’d like to know how you’re convinced the didn’t.

He did not love me. Even if I wanted to tell myself I "saw it in his eyes". We have to go by their actions and their words. 

If he loved me his actions would have showed me he did. His actions did not.

And this woman's actions also show she did not feel the same way you did.

Yes, it hurts. But the only way I was able to move past it was by accepting my own role in deceiving myself and trying to find out why I thought I loved someone who clearly didn't love me.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Restore formatting

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

×
×
  • Create New...