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I (18F) recently ended a relationship/friendship with a guy (17M) for the time being. I am now regretting my decision.


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So this guy and I have been talking since late last year. We would talk mostly every day, and we really liked each other. So he made it official earlier this year in February. (Disclaimer: I am new to this relationship stuff). After a month or so of dating, I noticed he was beginning to act weird, by not texting me and ignoring me. We eventually talked and he told me he was feeling "distracted/off" because we were around each other a lot. I was hurt about this but we both decided to take a break.

The break wasn't that long, but we came to the conclusion we were better off as "friends" who liked each other. After the break happened I began to worry about his feelings about me, as in I thought he was losing feelings for me. I also began to worry that he might be cheating on me, but I don't think he gives me a reason to because he allowed me to look through his phone. But I have recently found out from his sibling that he has cheated before in his last relationship.

I feel as though these worries stem from my childhood experiences of my own parents having issues (cheating, untrusting, toxicity, etc). From all of this, I began to overthink A LOT, to the point where I decided I needed a break from this relationship and this happened over the weekend. So I told him I can't be 'friends" with him right now because of his actions and my overthinking. He said he understands but I know I hurt him really bad. I am trying to focus on myself, so far I have scheduled an appointment with a therapist to help me out with my overthinking habits, and relationships.

However, I regret my decision in telling him that I can't be friends right now because I feel like we should have talked it out instead. I am now worried about our future relationship, as in doubting that he will never want to be friends again, or he has lost feelings, and even he hates me. I know I gotta give myself space and him too. But I was just wondering did I make the right decision and how long should I give it to reach out to him again to try to reconcile. I truly care about him.

What should I do?

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Advice: Let him go and move forward without him.

Red flag #1 he got weird #2 siblings revealed he's cheated before, #3 You are stressing over how he feels about you.

Not worth hanging onto. You made the most mature decision an 18 year old can make....knowing your self worth, and getting rid of the problem...him. You shouldn't regret this at all.

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I think the lines got a little blurry there.

If you've broken up with each other, this usually means you're both free to do as you please (including dating other people).

Did you have an arrangement or agreement to remain exclusive or inform each other of any changes or meeting someone new?

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2 minutes ago, Rose Mosse said:

I think the lines got a little blurry there.

If you've broken up with each other, this usually means you're both free to do as you please (including dating other people).

Did you have an arrangement or agreement to remain exclusive or inform each other of any changes or meeting someone new?

So after the break happened we decided to remain inclusive. But now that i have discontinued our relationship this past Saturday we can basically do anything we want, if that makes sense. Sorry for the confusion!

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The gray area is where things started to go sideways, in my opinion. Don't lower your standards like that. 

The first break up was because he was ignoring you or wasn't treating you the way you might have felt you ought to be treated so why continue anything exclusive? 

After most break ups there's a guilt stage. I think it happens on both sides as you have more time to reflect on what occurred. Break ups are rarely one-sided where the other person skips off into the sunset unscathed. It hurts both, perhaps in different ways, but it still has an impact in some way. Be kind to yourself and let go if this isn't for you. You don't have to second guess yourself. 

New experiences will come your way. Keep in touch with your friends and family and don't lose sight of the bigger picture - all your goals and plans for yourself.

 

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14 minutes ago, Rose Mosse said:

The gray area is where things started to go sideways, in my opinion. Don't lower your standards like that. 

The first break up was because he was ignoring you or wasn't treating you the way you might have felt you ought to be treated so why continue anything exclusive? 

After most break ups there's a guilt stage. I think it happens on both sides as you have more time to reflect on what occurred. Break ups are rarely one-sided where the other person skips off into the sunset unscathed. It hurts both, perhaps in different ways, but it still has an impact in some way. Be kind to yourself and let go if this isn't for you. You don't have to second guess yourself. 

New experiences will come your way. Keep in touch with your friends and family and don't lose sight of the bigger picture - all your goals and plans for yourself.

 

Thank you!

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Yeah, trust your gut.

See his actions... how he started to go weird... said he felt 'off'...etc.

He wasn't all in it, imo, or he would have tried harder- not show uncertainty.

Good on you by saying you can't be 'friends'.. is hard to try & do that with an ex.  While we have to try & keep ourselves together, while struggling 😞 .

No.  you did the right thing.  Distance now is best.

So, you can focus more on YOU.  You can work on accepting & healing from this.. and you can both move on.

You are young, you will meet someone again...<3 

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1 hour ago, SooSad33 said:

Yeah, trust your gut.

See his actions... how he started to go weird... said he felt 'off'...etc.

He wasn't all in it, imo, or he would have tried harder- not show uncertainty.

Good on you by saying you can't be 'friends'.. is hard to try & do that with an ex.  While we have to try & keep ourselves together, while struggling 😞 .

No.  you did the right thing.  Distance now is best.

So, you can focus more on YOU.  You can work on accepting & healing from this.. and you can both move on.

You are young, you will meet someone again...<3 

Thank you:)

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