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Advice for a man with ED?


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So I have ED related to my Diabetes, but have been alone and avoiding dating for about 7 or 8 years. The lack of a partner and intimacy of any sort has probably driven a good bit of a building depression I am in as well. I want to try to start looking again, but with ED I may not be able to live up to a normal dating relationship....at least that is the constant worry in my mind. Does anybody have any advice for how I might be up front about this without scaring off anybody, and especially avoiding pity....I would rather they run away than show pity honestly. Or is the whole idea a lost cause before it begins?

Thank you to all who have taken the time to read this. And for any advice or ideas thank you so much, I am grateful for anything offered here.

Sincerely,

Mag

 

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You'll have to talk to your physician about treatment options, better control of the diabetes and your depression.

There's treatment for all three in addition to lifestyle changes you can make to improve all three issues.

In the meantime you can seek dating and relationships, but you'll have to address the depression first.

ED is complex. DM is a major factor, but again you'll need better evaluations and tighter control for that. As far as ED, you can also talk to your physician about that. 

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I think that talking to a doctor as well as a therapist would be good for you if you aren't having those conversations already. It is possible to have a relationship while having mental health issues or EDs, but the big thing is that you're not relying on them for the support that doctors and therapists should give instead.

You really need to check in with yourself and see if you would genuinely be ready for dating. Recognizing that you might not be able to live up to normal standards is a good start. As for how to tell people without getting pity, start the conversation with all the things that you're doing to manage your problems. Something like... "Hey, I feel like I should be upfront about this so I want to tell you that I'm seeing a therapist or I'm seeing a doctor for certain health issues. Although at times this may mean that I might not always be available, I am happy and I am managing." You don't need to tell them more than that if you don't want to, as long as it is the truth that you are reliant on professionals and not a romantic partner.

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That definitely makes sense, I see a Doc regularly about my diabetes, and am sheduled for a check-up soon. I also am very aware that I need to see a therapist again, both a mental and physical to work on improving some stuff. Looks like indifference and bad decisions from my youth are finally catching me, now I gotta try to get back in the race. I can see the wisdom in working some of it out before trying to date again, so that is what I will do. Thank you both for the guidance.

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There is a lot more to you than an erection. You are full of your own life and plans so please don't lose heart or talk down to yourself. I agree with the comments about seeing a doctor and gaining the proper support for the diabetes and depression. 

Someone who shows you pity wouldn't be looking at who you are underneath skin deep so don't accept that kind of response from someone. Do you know how many people fall outside of the 'norm' in daily life or aren't cookie cutter perfect or don't ascribe to the same humdrum ordinary-status quo interests or have a disability or something else that makes them different? 

Don't be afraid to strike out and meet people who are unique and different, interesting, find your tribe. You are a lot more than just your health issues. Keep your chin up. 

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