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So I recently revealed to a guy that I like him but he told me he had basically stopped dating and pursuing women for now. The reason being that all the women he has been trying to date ended up not being interested in him so he basically gave it up and is just enjoying singleness. I actually know one of the women he tried to date who turned him down. He's not what most woman would consider attractive so I think his looks may be playing a role but other than that Idk why they keep turning him down. I'm attracted to him and think he's a great guy. I'm just curious as to why a man whose being rejected by other women would turn down a woman who is actually showing interest in him. Any thoughts?? 

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Sounds like he's told you.

He wants to sit a while, single.  I think he's been through a bit of a rough time, being rejected- by women he's been interested in.

If someone experiences that, yes, they can end up feeling low/worthless.. so, is not always so easy to brush that off and happily go running into another relationship attempt.

That maybe the guy is hurt.  He's been affected by all of that. ( Men can have feelings as well).

Where you are ( willing & able), he is not.  So, you should relax, back off and try to understand him and accept this...

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1 hour ago, quipu said:

 I'm attracted to him and think he's a great guy. I'm just curious as to why a man whose being rejected by other women would turn down a woman who is actually showing interest in him. Any thoughts?? 

Because he's not into you that way, and doesn't want to hurt your feelings by telling you so. 

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I think that's because he's not interested in you romantically unfortunately. Just because he's not that attractive and doesn't get many women doesn't automatically mean he's going to have feelings for you. I mean, he could just use you for sex or something like that but sounds like he's being a decent and honest person and actually didn't lead you on. You can't force chemistry or feelings so he can't just make himself be into you if he's not.

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4 hours ago, quipu said:

So I recently revealed to a guy that I like him but he told me he had basically stopped dating and pursuing women for now. The reason being that all the women he has been trying to date ended up not being interested in him so he basically gave it up and is just enjoying singleness. I actually know one of the women he tried to date who turned him down. He's not what most woman would consider attractive so I think his looks may be playing a role but other than that Idk why they keep turning him down. I'm attracted to him and think he's a great guy. I'm just curious as to why a man whose being rejected by other women would turn down a woman who is actually showing interest in him. Any thoughts?? 

Sorry this happened. How do you know him? Do you work or go to school together?

He didn't "reject" you. He's simply honest that he doesn't feel like dating anyone at the moment.

This is why telling someone you like them or "confessing feelings" is a huge mistake. (and a bit creepy).

It's completely awkward and worse it puts someone on the spot to come up with something diplomatic to say.

Thoughts? If you are interested in someone, simply invite them for a low key coffee or something. See how that goes first.

If they don't want to get coffee or it seems like they're just friendly, move along.

It spares everyone's feelings without the awkwardness. 

 

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8 hours ago, quipu said:

So I recently revealed to a guy that I like him but he told me he had basically stopped dating and pursuing women for now. The reason being that all the women he has been trying to date ended up not being interested in him so he basically gave it up and is just enjoying singleness. I actually know one of the women he tried to date who turned him down. He's not what most woman would consider attractive so I think his looks may be playing a role but other than that Idk why they keep turning him down. I'm attracted to him and think he's a great guy. I'm just curious as to why a man whose being rejected by other women would turn down a woman who is actually showing interest in him. Any thoughts?? 

This may seem harsh. But men don’t generally reject women outright like that unless they aren’t attracted to them. 
 

and when I say attracted, a man will give a chance to a woman he even finds unattractive/ugly purely for sex.

 

im sorry to say darling but you may not meet his minimum level of attraction requirements. Generally happens if you are either overweight or your facial structure is a bit awkward. It will be purely physical reasons, he is just being a sweet heart and not saying the harsh truth.

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The hardest thing about being single is- everyone you like, doesn't like you and vice versa. Until you click and the interest is equal. 

Learn to accept an open rejection is easy better than being lead on.  

He obviously respects you and doesnt want to see you waste your time. 

You never want to be a place holder or a warm body to someone. 

If you can't be friends with the guy,  that's OK. Your responsibility is to yourself and your feelings.  

Just be yourself and you'll attract the right guys. Someone rejecting you doesn't mean there is something wrong with you that needs fixing. 

Don't play games trying to get someone to like you.  you'll only be playing yourself. 

Edited by Lambert
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It's best not to try and figure someone else out because you can never know fully know what's on another's mind, and if they are lying to save another's feelings. Take what a person says at face value. He gave you the info you needed, so now you can move on and eventually pursue another to date who is equally interested in you. And yes, telling someone you like them should stop after elementary school. Try to read a person's interest in you by their behavior and communication. Unless shy, a guy will usually do the asking, and if you want to give hints you'd welcome a date, ask what he does for fun when he's not working to give him an opening. Good luck.

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I would move on... and accept his answer. It's extremely mature of him to tell you this now instead of leading you on, it seems like he has a good sense of self awareness and he feels he's not ready for a relationship. Imagine if he kept this information to himself and led you on or mistreated you because he wasn't emotionally ready.... 

 

 

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On 4/6/2021 at 5:54 AM, gamon said:

Pure and simple he's not into you.

Do you attract guys in general? If not, why not?

Maybe there's something you can do about it.

This is worded terrible and terrible advice. 

If she was rejected that's his problem. Why would she need to change herself because of his rejection? 

If she was truly rejected it would have nothing to do with her. She would simply need to find someone else who appreciates her as is. 

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5 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

That's what he says - he has no idea unless every single woman tells him that and I'd be shocked if people were that blunt.

I was about to say the same thing. 

He might think it's because of his looks, or he might just be telling you that, but I have a hard time believing that multiple women have directly told him that he isn't attractive. 

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16 hours ago, MissCanuck said:

I was about to say the same thing. 

He might think it's because of his looks, or he might just be telling you that, but I have a hard time believing that multiple women have directly told him that he isn't attractive. 

Looks wise to me he is not what women are physically attracted to. I showed his picture to my mother and a female friend and they both said he was ugly. My mother even went as far as saying she would be embarrassed showing people a pic of him and I together smh lol. BUT, I find him attractive. He looks better now than he did like a yr or so ago. 

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1 hour ago, quipu said:

Looks wise to me he is not what women are physically attracted to. I showed his picture to my mother and a female friend and they both said he was ugly. My mother even went as far as saying she would be embarrassed showing people a pic of him and I together smh lol. BUT, I find him attractive. He looks better now than he did like a yr or so ago. 

So?

You are apparently making assumptions about why other women have turned him down. What you wrote above is unrelated to the reasons it hasn't worked out for him with other women. 

Your mother is a rude and unkind woman. There is zero nothing "lol" about that. Shame on her. 

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10 minutes ago, MissCanuck said:

So?

You are apparently making assumptions about why other women have turned him down. What you wrote above is unrelated to the reasons it hasn't worked out for him with other women. 

Your mother is a rude and unkind woman. There is zero nothing "lol" about that. Shame on her. 

He said himself his looks were mostly the reason the women turned him down I'm not assuming, that's what he said himself. Im just saying I can believe that to be true based off of his looks and what even women I know have said. But regardless none of that really matters what matters is that he's not interested. I was just curious as to could it be bcuz of insecurity on his part due to bn rejected so much.  

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1 minute ago, quipu said:

But regardless none of that really matters what matters is that he's not interested. I was just curious as to could it be bcuz of insecurity on his part due to bn rejected so much.  

That doesn't really make any sense. 

I think he just plain doesn't have kinds of those feelings for you. It can't always be logically explained. We feel a spark with some people, and not with others. It doesn't mean you are unattractive; it just means he isn't attracted to you in that way. 

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On 4/7/2021 at 10:07 PM, quipu said:

, he however keeps getting turned down because of his looks. 

That's your assumption. All he told you is he doesn't want to date right now.

Sounds like sour grapes on your part.

This is simple. Next time don't "confess" your feelings. Simply ask to go for coffee and if it's a no, you have your answers.

Your people are trying to help you lick your wounds by telling you what you want to hear. That he's "ugly" according to you.

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58 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

That's your assumption. All he told you is he doesn't want to date right now.

Sounds like sour grapes on your part.

This is simple. Next time don't "confess" your feelings. Simply ask to go for coffee and if it's a no, you have your answers.

Your people are trying to help you lick your wounds by telling you what you want to hear. That he's "ugly" according to you.

Once again, that quote was just me responding to a question I was asked. When I asked my friend if he knew why the women weren't interested in him his response was "mostly because of my looks."  

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4 hours ago, quipu said:

Once again, that quote was just me responding to a question I was asked. When I asked my friend if he knew why the women weren't interested in him his response was "mostly because of my looks."  

Yes, that's an easy assumption for many to make -and in this context he is not that into you and is trying to come up with an easy enough excuse you'll buy. 

Fortunately, it's been proven time and again that someone doesn't have to have objectively attractive physical features (meaning as compared to whatever trendy/societal standard is in force) to have chemistry -mutual chemistry-with someone else and that someone else might be objectively attractive or not.  Certainly many people seem to "match" in levels of attractiveness but there are so many exceptions I know for sure there is more going on.  For example, height as compared to being short is an objectively attractive feature of straight men.  For me, I preferred shorter men, and married one.  

I'd get off this kick of how much looks matter, and please please never think you're doing someone a favor or it makes you superior in some way just because you happen to be attracted to someone who is not objectively attractive, including to your mother.  

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When they come up with a long winded, make no sense excuse, it's usually a made up story. My guess is...this is ONLY a guess : he was trying to let you down easy without it being noticeable. Not everyone is going to say," I don't want to go out with you." "I have no interest..." to your face. He was just trying to spare your feelings.

I'm not saying he doesn't find you attractive, maybe he is intimidated, or doesn't trust you, or doesn't like who you associate with, or doesn't trust your words, not too excited about your personality, etc.

We are only giving you our take on what could it be...don't shoot our thoughts down, they are just mere suggestions for you to ponder on. If you really want to know, only he can give you that.

I get it you are feeling upset about being turned down by someone you have feelings for...it sucks. You just have lick your wounds and forget about him. There will always be someone else.

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