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No interest in my mind or thoughts; only his own


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I have spent my life in so many unfulfilling relationships with men who see me as a trophy and ignore my mind. Usually it’s because the men just don’t have a lot going on intellectually. Then I married 2 years ago - we are 52 and 68. Both of us are academics/ literary types. I thought I had finally found the man who would share my interests— talking about books, ideas, telling each other funny stories about our lives... (I have lived all over the world and have a pretty colorful back story). But he is ONLY interested in himself- his thoughts and stories. Zero interest in my point of view. Recently we even read the same book for our book club and, nope, no interest in my reflections on the book. Disappointed does not begin to cover it. I have brought this up to him a few times and he just says “I’m sorry you’re not happy!” which sounds like a recording to me. Like it’s my fault this situation isn’t good enough for me. 

I am just amazed. Why would you marry someone you have no interest in knowing?

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Why would you marry someone before you knew they were truly interested in knowing the real you?  I am not bashing you, I am curious how it went down.

Has this man been single a long time?

Does he seem to like the sound of his own voice?

Does he listen to you at all about anything or just wait to you stop talking so he can talk?

Lost

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I echo Lostandhurt's questions.

Was he always like this? 

How did this happen?

To answer your question.... maybe he thought it would be different, too.

Is he 68 and you're 52? Or the other way? 

Maybe the age gap is too big. 16 years is a big difference

Edited by Lambert
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I wonder if you're just so overwhelmed with your past that you just want to chalk this one up as a failure as well? 😕 

 

 I'd think you married this one for reasons.

Can you not feel okay with him - anymore?  Do you maybe feel you just don't 'love him'?

Was good how you listed off all of your similar interests... but then you started with the negative points, being his inability to show interest in your thoughts etc.?

If that is all, but the rest is good.  Why do you feel like there is something big wrong with your relationship?  - do you feel this cannot be overcome and accepted? .. Or maybe you're just bored/ unhappy with him as well..

 

4 hours ago, Sevenvirtues said:

“I’m sorry you’re not happy!” which sounds like a recording to me. Like it’s my fault this situation isn’t good enough for me. 

- But, is this true?

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It seems like there's a lot more to this. Certainly you didn't marry to talk about books, no?

Why can't you both have your own interests and opinions? Why do you need to agree on books?

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