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Please help me, feel so lost.


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2 hours ago, DancingFool said:

How did she manage to get upset unless they are continuing to talk? What's the point of him reentering her number unless it's to continue to talk. I don't actually believe he ever really deleted her to be honest. I think he is lying to you and always has.

He told me she messaged upset and that he put her number back in his phone and they haven’t spoken since. Which again, makes no sense as everyone on here has said why would you keep a number you aren’t going to use/intend on using. 

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Maybe the bigger question is.. do you want to be wondering about this the rest of your life? If he deletes her off his phone.. well.......... what about the next woman down on the list? Is he also che

Hi OP, I'm so sorry you're going through this and you seem to be in shock - rumination on small details is sometimes the only way the brain can handle vast emotional distress, which I'm sure you'

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OP, I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I know how gut wrenching it is because I divorced my ex husband for this exact reason. And he too had women on his phone, his linkedin profile and I believe gaming forums too. I had him delete the women only for them to reappear. He finally admitted to me that he never stopped cheating and that he checked out years ago. He just tried to hide it better but I always had a feeling that he was lying to me.

The thing is OP, a part of me knew that he was a liar and a cheater but another part wouldn’t accept it. Like you, it kept staying in denial or bargaining, hoping against hope that it wasn’t true, that he was still the man I thought I married.

After 3 years of this active denial, I fell into a deep depression spurred by the loss of a dear family member, which made me realize that life really is too short to waste sleeping with an enemy. Because really that’s what he had become to me, never having stopped his lies, which felt like a slow drip of poison. Leaving him was the hardest thing I’ve ever done, but the most rewarding. Almost two years after, I feel like life is worth living.

OP, you may not be ready to decide now, but once you’ve suffered enough indulging in the false hope, you’ll begin to take small steps to secure your freedom. In case nothing changes, look to securing employment for yourself, beef up your credentials and savings and get a free consult from a lawyer. Get your ducks in a row so that if nothing changes and you feel the same or worse, you can get out. You can do this! You deserve to be truly happy and loved. Best of luck to you and God bless.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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You can delete a contact from your phone's address book, but you can't delete a contact from WhatsApp.

Google 'adding contact to WhatsApp'.

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2 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

You can delete a contact from your phone's address book, but you can't delete a contact from WhatsApp.

Google 'adding contact to WhatsApp'.

Yes you can. You aren’t in there forever. Also, he could have blocked her and he didn’t. If you delete a contact in your address book it doesn’t automatically delete from WhatsApp. I didn’t look to see if he had her in address book but that shouldn’t matter. She is there. Through choice. 

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9 minutes ago, Unsure2021 said:

OP, I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I know how gut wrenching it is because I divorced my ex husband for this exact reason. And he too had women on his phone, his linkedin profile and I believe gaming forums too. I had him delete the women only for them to reappear. He finally admitted to me that he never stopped cheating and that he checked out years ago. He just tried to hide it better but I always had a feeling that he was lying to me.

The thing is OP, a part of me knew that he was a liar and a cheater but another part wouldn’t accept it. Like you, it kept staying in denial or bargaining, hoping against hope that it wasn’t true, that he was still the man I thought I married.

After 3 years of this active denial, I fell into a deep depression spurred by the loss of a dear family member, which made me realize that life really is too short to waste sleeping with an enemy. Because really that’s what he had become to me, never having stopped his lies, which felt like a slow drip of poison. Leaving him was the hardest thing I’ve ever done, but the most rewarding. Almost two years after, I feel like life is worth living.

OP, you may not be ready to decide now, but once you’ve suffered enough indulging in the false hope, you’ll begin to take small steps to secure your freedom. In case nothing changes, look to securing employment for yourself, beef up your credentials and savings and get a free consult from a lawyer. Get your ducks in a row so that if nothing changes and you feel the same or worse, you can get out. You can do this! You deserve to be truly happy and loved. Best of luck to you and God bless.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Thank you for sharing your story and your kind words. Hope everything is ok with you now 

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1 hour ago, ReallyNeedAdvice0 said:

Thought you were leaving, you are so rude. 

You didn’t answer the questions?  
 

Do you still stand by using your kids to keep this louse of a husband.   That’s what’s terrible.  You and your husband have not considered your kids for a minute.  His cheating and you are willing to do anything to hold onto someone who has treated you terribly.  

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23 hours ago, ReallyNeedAdvice0 said:

I said to him if we didn’t have another he’d lose his first son. I threatened to take him away. I think he was so scared of this, this is why he agreed. 

 

8 minutes ago, ReallyNeedAdvice0 said:

Don’t you dare mention my children. 

OP, you mentioned them first. 

You can't really expect people not to comment on elements you bring into the disucssion. That's not how public forums work. 

Perhaps use more discretion posting certain details if you don't want others to discuss them. 

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Just now, MissCanuck said:

 

OP, you mentioned them first. 

You can't really expect people not to comment on elements you bring into the disucssion. That's not how public forums work. 

Perhaps use more discretion posting certain details if you don't want others to discuss them. 

Of course I mentioned my children. They are MY children. saying that I haven’t considered them is pretty disgusting. 

 

Perhaps you should consider other people’s feelings before posting. 
 

I have been discreet. 
 

 

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Just now, ReallyNeedAdvice0 said:

I do, yes.

Then perhaps you can remember that we're taking the time to respond to you, and the vast majority have been respectful to you. 

This has been true even though you're posting the same questions again and again, and getting rather aggressive in your tone. 

If you feel someone is being rude, you can flag the post. Moderators are here for a reason, and they're the ones who will determine who can post on your thread. 

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11 hours ago, ReallyNeedAdvice0 said:

. If you delete a contact in your address book it doesn’t automatically delete from WhatsApp

That's right. He's got all her contact info. It's unclear why you would think he doesn't?

You've know about his philandering for a long time, so it makes sense that he's still keeping all the contact data.

Peak cheating often happens during pregnancy and a new child. So when that happened he most likely intensified things with her.

Unfortunately he doesn't want to leave her. Sadly you already know that. 

Strangely, it almost seems like you're the other woman and she's his soulmate.

Is that the confusion? You're really the other woman?

You seem to have very limited knowledge of him.  Just a tiny bit of digital data that you are trying to decipher.

You also can't seem to answer any questions about him. Almost like you are posting as the betrayed wife, but you're really the mistress.

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3 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

That's right. He's got all her contact info. It's unclear why you would think he doesn't?

You've know about his philandering for a long time, so it makes sense that he's still keeping all the contact data.

Peak cheating often happens during pregnancy and a new child. So when that happened he most likely intensified things with her.

Unfortunately he doesn't want to leave her. Sadly you already know that. 

Strangely, it almost seems like you're the other woman and she's his soulmate.

Is that the confusion? You're really the other woman?

You seem to have very limited knowledge of him.  Just a tiny bit of digital data that you are trying to decipher.

You also can't seem to answer any questions about him. Almost like you are posting as the betrayed wife, but you're really the mistress.

Sorry, did you seriously accuse me of being the other woman, just because I haven’t posted in for about MY husband? What do you want to know? That he had electric therapy at age 6 due to trauma from his parents being divorced, that he sticks his head in the sand about our problems, that he suffers from fight or flight syndrome and can be silent for days? I don’t post this because they are extremely personal and as angry as I am with him, not things I’m going to go into. 

 

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OP, at the end of the day, we can't really shed more insight into why your husband has kept her number. 

If you're unwilling to discuss it with him, there's not much anyone here can suggest. 

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1 hour ago, ReallyNeedAdvice0 said:

What do you want to know?

A simple "yes" or "no" to the following questions:

On 4/7/2021 at 5:48 PM, boltnrun said:

Has he told you he's terribly sorry, that what he did was wrong, and that you and your children mean the world to him? And that he will never see or speak to her again? And that he'll do whatever it takes to make it up to you? And that he loves you and your children?

 

  

 

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1 hour ago, ReallyNeedAdvice0 said:

, that he sticks his head in the sand about our problems, 

Yes. You mentioned that several times. 

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12 minutes ago, Jibralta said:

A simple "yes" or "no" to the following questions:

 

  

 

 

13 minutes ago, Jibralta said:

A simple "yes" or "no" to the following questions:

 

  

 

He said he’s sorry and that he loves me. YET he still has her number. 

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Did he promise you that he would never see her, or speak to her again?

Did he promise you to do whatever it takes to repair your marriage?

Did he admit that he was wrong?

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35 minutes ago, Jibralta said:

Did he promise you that he would never see her, or speak to her again?

Did he promise you to do whatever it takes to repair your marriage?

Did he admit that he was wrong?

The conversation was abit of a blur to be honest. 
 

i asked him why he still had her number. He said ‘I deleted it, she must have realised she was no longer in my contacts because of my WhatsApp settings (don’t know much about WhatsApp so unsure what this meant), she reached out upset, so I put her number back in my phone. I have no intention of speaking to her again. 
 

that last part is the main reason I came on here. Because to me, if you have no intention of speaking to someone again, you’d delete the number. 

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You know, I can understand why Wiseman wondered what your actual role was in this situation. Your priorities are very unusual for a wife and a mother.

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6 minutes ago, Jibralta said:

You know, I can understand why Wiseman wondered what your actual role was in this situation. Your priorities are very unusual for a wife and a mother.

Oh here we go, jumping on a bandwagon. By nature I am an extremely private person, so coming on a forum was a huge step. Don’t you ever, question my priorities as a mother. Not only did I have this conversation outside of my house in any sort of fear that my children would pick up on their parents arguing, I then called my mum to see she could take them out for abit. 
 

as for being a wife - I want my family to work. It cannot work with her number in his phone. 
 

or am I supposed to be ok as long as they ‘aren’t speaking it can stay?

 

what vile comments, just because I don’t tell you every single detail of my relationship. 

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3 minutes ago, ReallyNeedAdvice0 said:

Oh here we go, jumping on a bandwagon. By nature I am an extremely private person, so coming on a forum was a huge step.

Keep in mind that many people here are members of another forum where you posted this before. 

The only person engaging in name-calling and personal insults is you. You're risking having your thread closed, and then nobody will be able to respond to you at all. 

 

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28 minutes ago, ReallyNeedAdvice0 said:

The conversation was abit of a blur to be honest. 

Ok so you have your answers from him. He talks to her regularly and doesn't want to hurt her or lose her.

Do you think he'll leave you and marry her one day? Is that your concern?

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Just now, Wiseman2 said:

Ok so you have your answers from him. He talks to her regularly and doesn't want to hurt her or lose her.

Do you think he'll leave you and marry her one day? Is that your concern?

He said he isn’t speaking to her. 

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25 minutes ago, ReallyNeedAdvice0 said:

Oh here we go, jumping on a bandwagon. By nature I am an extremely private person, so coming on a forum was a huge step. Don’t you ever, question my priorities as a mother.

It's not jumping on a bandwagon. It's a normal process of elimination based on the kind of information you've supplied.

You're more focused on the success of the other woman being part of his life than you are on the specific issues that would be the only possible stepping stones to a successful restoration of marriage and family (e.g., his promises to do better, and his admission of fault).

Maybe you are not actually the other woman. But your laser focus certainly lends credence to the theory that you are. 

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