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The first love - will the feeling ever fade away?


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Hello, I guess I’m still young at age 18 but I was just curious about whether the feelings and emotions of the “first love”, the “first break-up”, those initial feelings of ecstasy ever cease to exist. And, if not, how to cope with the nostalgia of letting them go out of emotional sight.

For me, I had a my first girlfriend awhile ago (Sept. 2019 - Dec. 2019), yet I still miss pieces of her as I never wanted to let her go. She ended things as she claimed “I [was] too much” and “she wasn’t really ready for love.” At a few points I told her “love you” but all it really seemed to do was push her away (I didn’t realize this then bc I was too blinded by my own overwhelmed feelings). Looking back on things, I admittedly understand that she was essentially all I ever thought of, all I ever envisioned in my life and that depth of adoration I had shielded me from what became reality. Even after a year now, we follow the other on social media and what not but we never talk. My “yearn” for her isn’t as great as it used to be, but sometimes I still think she’s mine and very minute moments of jealousy often reside in me when I think she could be with someone else (we’ve been single all this time). I honey wish I could move on completing but I don’t know if I can—like I feel as though a piece of my heart will always miss her. And I don’t want that to be a source for toxicity in any subsequent relationship (i.e. checking her media time to time, thinking about her sometimes, comparing lovers, wonderment, etc.).

Essentially the greatest factor holding me back from moving on is what if? what if? what if?... but I just wish there was an easier way to cope with the feeling of losing the first love. Perhaps this is just a “young person” mistake, but does it ever end?? Has anyone else thought about their first love in future relationships??

Edited by O.F. Hanson
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Simple answer is that yes, it does end....or rather it does fade over time. 

Part of that is on you. Meaning that it's not just a passive passage of time, but rather you actively deciding to leave the past in the past and continually move away from those emotions when they rise up instead of indulging them until they become so huge that they start to consume you.

That said, we never ever really forget our past loves and relationships. Think of life like a quilt - every person, every relationship, every experience leaves a unique mark and that makes you who you are today. Unique, special, colorful, and interesting. Every relationship is a growing and learning experience even when they don't last forever and instead become a fond (or not so fond) memory of things done right or mistakes made. Each relationship in the end is a learning experience....sometimes....it's learning to let go.

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I never really 'got over' mine. I stopped trying to and stopped feeling guilty for it. I just think that I'll always have a soft spot for him, and there is a fondness there, but the relationship wasn't right. Doesn't mean that the feelings have to go completely. It's like an old childhood game that you think of fondly, but have no desire to play with again.

Edited by stacey89
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I had my first love around age 14-15 and when I was 18, no, Looking back, I still think I had moments of yearning. I am 31 now and no, that doesn't happen anymore. In fact, I've had a lot better since then. You're only a few years out. You have a lot of life ahead of you. Trust me when I say YES, it does get better but you need to be active about leaving it in the past. Remind yourself when the feelings crop up "That's in the past, I need to move on and I will be a lot happier". 

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You'll probably always remember your first love, but very few remain stuck on them forever.

You will need to delete her from your social media, though. That's part of what is keeping you stuck here. 

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19 hours ago, stacey89 said:

I never really 'got over' mine. I stopped trying to and stopped feeling guilty for it. I just think that I'll always have a soft spot for him, and there is a fondness there, but the relationship wasn't right. Doesn't mean that the feelings have to go completely. It's like an old childhood game that you think of fondly, but have no desire to play with again.

Yeah, I feel as though this will be my final disposition at the end of things; I just have to get there. Thanks for the insight and great analogy!!

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19 hours ago, Fudgie said:

Trust me when I say YES, it does get better but you need to be active about leaving it in the past. Remind yourself when the feelings crop up "That's in the past, I need to move on and I will be a lot happier". 

6 hours ago, Capricorn3 said:

Oh trust me, the feeling does fade.  So many years have gone by since my first love that for a moment I couldn't even remember his name, lol.

Perhaps I’ll never fully “get over the feeling” but I guess I can “get over them” in some amount of time. Thank-you both!!

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Posted (edited)
8 hours ago, MissCanuck said:

You'll probably always remember your first love, but very few remain stuck on them forever.

You will need to delete her from your social media, though. That's part of what is keeping you stuck here. 

I’ll certainly remember her forever... though should I really remove her from my social media? I mean even though we haven’t talked in so long I seldom “keep tabs” on their relationship status—almost out of mere curiosity. I don’t know entirely why I do it (I wish I knew) but I guess I sometimes worry if she’ll ever think of me the same as feel for now

Thank-you though!

Edited by O.F. Hanson
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