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Struggling to get a termination


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Hi ya everyone , hope everyone is well ūüôā so, I posted recently about having an unsupportive boyfriend after finding out I was pregnant, he stopped answering my calls in the evening and later on become verbally abusive ( calling me old, ugly, wrinkly amongst many other lovely things ūü§£) I threw him out and haven't seen or heard from him but it appears he is getting on with his life going by his social media appearing happy and not at all concerned about me or the pregnancy..anyway , I did make the decision to have an abortion as I had to ask myself,would I truly want to raise a baby alone , the answer was no, and would I want to now raise a baby with him, after seeing him for what he truly is, the answer was no..I've had such a nightmare trying to get my surgery locally , they only offer me kings college in London, which is to far out, I can't afford the travel, I can't take anyone with Mr because of covid and I would be expected to travel home that same day after the procedure,I have so many hospitals in my local area I just can't get why they want to send me so far away, I'm so gutted it's turned out the way it is and it gets harder n harder each day. I know I shouldn't of got myself pregnant but I really believed he was a good guy (because he was) it's just since me being pregnant that he turned nasty. I'm devastated by everything right now.

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I am sorry that you are dealing with all of this.   

Are the hospitals and clinics unavailable due to Covid?   Can you borrow some money for the trip?  

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Possibly , all I know is that I couldn't have my abortion at a abortion hospital, as I have low platelets (blood clotting problem) so need to go to a general hospital, it would mean I'd need to lend ¬£200 just for travel ,as I have to go once for an assessment/pre op then again for the surgery, it's just a nightmare ūüė≠ plus I'm not one for traveling on the tube etc at the best of times, I definitely won't want to be doing it after an operation, it's gutting.

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5 minutes ago, smackie9 said:

Why have you not gotten hold of a social worker? The clinic or government agency should be able to hook you up with a volunteer to take you.

Because that's not what I want , to have a volunteer (some stranger) accompany me to have an abortion, my point is, I'm having to fight to get a termination done in my local area which has 3 top hospitals , if I was to go through with the pregnancy, and went into labour,they wouldn't send me to a hospital well out of my area , it just doesn't make sense. 

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1 hour ago, Katie jade said:

I have to go once for an assessment/pre op then again for the surgery

Talk to other people, friends, family, neighbors, coworkers etc. See of they'll give you a lift. Why is it "surgery"? How far along is this?

Stop hoping this BF changes his mind or his attitude about this. Sadly he's scum.

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37 minutes ago, Katie jade said:

Because that's not what I want , to have a volunteer (some stranger) accompany me to have an abortion, my point is, I'm having to fight to get a termination done in my local area which has 3 top hospitals , if I was to go through with the pregnancy, and went into labour,they wouldn't send me to a hospital well out of my area , it just doesn't make sense. 

(Respectfully) you're not in a situation where you can afford to put your ego and pride first. You're past that point. Your situation is bigger than you now, you can't supply yourself with the necessary tools on your own. You will need to part with your ego and seek kindness from strangers. 

Do you have a clinic similar to planned parenthood? Have you researched independent clinics? 

 

You need to do some research to see what kind of accommodations they provide. Considering people get this procedure on their own (in secret) there's a good chance that they have transportation resources. 

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6 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Talk to other people, friends, family, neighbors, coworkers etc. See of they'll give you a lift. Why is it "surgery"? How far along is this?

Stop hoping this BF changes his mind or his attitude about this. Sadly he's scum.

Oh believe me, I'm not expecting him to change his mind nor attitude, I've finally seen him for what he truly is..the good decent man I saw previously was just an act that he couldn't keep up when times got hard ....it is a surgical operation because It was a safer option for me due to being a high risk patient for bleeding . Not all of my friends drive, my mum does, but she's not a confident driver , the only person I can ask is my ex but he's played with my head so much I don't feel it's a good idea , plus he kept letting me down, one min he would take me, then he wouldn't,then he would and so on . I'm roughly around 10 weeks pregnant.

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12 minutes ago, rchubn said:

(Respectfully) you're not in a situation where you can afford to put your ego and pride first. You're past that point. Your situation is bigger than you now, you can't supply yourself with the necessary tools on your own. You will need to part with your ego and seek kindness from strangers. 

Do you have a clinic similar to planned parenthood? Have you researched independent clinics? 

 

You need to do some research to see what kind of accommodations they provide. Considering people get this procedure on their own (in secret) there's a good chance that they have transportation resources. 

I will have a look into this , thank you very much .

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23 minutes ago, Katie jade said:

the only person I can ask is my ex . I'm roughly around 10 weeks pregnant.

Stop talking to him. Trust your friends and family to help you. It's hard to believe your own mother refuses to take you to a procedure.  You need to do more research regarding your underlying conditions and options for the procedure. Stop wasting your time stalking his social media etc. delete and block him. Start contacting real friends and family for help.

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Consider that sometimes, a little anonymity and help from strangers is just easier than having to explain yourself to family and friends. So do look into any possible options of getting a lift to the hospital.

As for hospitals, you can do some quick research and reach out, but we are living in abnormal times with covid and you do seem to have some special medical needs. A case of where no matter how inconvenient and odd it sounds, better to trust the doctors than not. Your life may be at stake here as a tendency for blood clots is not something to be taken lightly.

Ultimately, this is really a time is ticking situation and you really can't afford to wait or dictate terms. You need to do what you need to do.

If you must take the tube, try your best to focus on something calming - reading, listening to something that is soothing or distracting. Avoid fixating on what bothers you at all costs as that won't help you at all.

Unfortunately, you are in a situation where be strong or be strong are your only options. All I can do is send you internet hugs and strength. You can handle this as you see fit.

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Even though no one can accomodate you, can you not have someone drop you off & stick around until you are done?

Just because you cannot have them in the hosp with you, can you not still get a ride to/from?

If you have the funds, arrange for a cab ride?  If mom does not want to help .. can she help with the cost?

 

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As far as I know the hospital can't release you without someone to accompany you, due to liability issues.  Can you contact social services?  That's what they're there for.

I'm sorry you're in this situation, but try not to dismiss your own needs, as well.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Well then what do you want? You want to keep the child? then move in with mom until you get you self set up, or you can put the child up for adoption. Have you even talked to your mother? maybe she has a neighbor that can drive you and have her accompany you.

You haven't the time to complain about how the hospitals are set up. You need to be proactive and seek out resources that are available to you.

Are you making excuses because truly you don't want to do this? and hope possibly when he sees the baby he will change his mind? You can go after him for child support btw.

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1 hour ago, Wiseman2 said:

Stop talking to him. Trust your friends and family to help you. It's hard to believe your own mother refuses to take you to a procedure.  You need to do more research regarding your underlying conditions and options for the procedure. Stop wasting your time stalking his social media etc. delete and block him. Start contacting real friends and family for help

As I previously stated , I haven't seen it heard from him, and he wasn't the man I wanted to contact to help me anyway , otherwise I would have done so rather than post on here. I never once said my mother has refused to drive me, I said she isn't a confident driver, so I wouldn't ask her, she offered to come by train but I refused as I couldn't leave her or my friends to sit outside a hospital in a strange unknown city and wait god knows how long for me to come out. I'm not stalking his social media, we have mutual friends who tell me, stop jumping to conclusions, just because I've come here for advice didn't give you any right to talk down to me in any which way, thank you !

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1 hour ago, HeartGoesOn said:

As far as I know the hospital can't release you without someone to accompany you, due to liability issues.  Can you contact social services?  That's what they're there for.

I'm sorry you're in this situation, but try not to dismiss your own needs, as well.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Well that's exactly what I thought as well , I never really thought about social services, I always picture them as helping familys with children or the care services. I will have a look as I couldn't find any support for transportation for abortion in this country so I'll try that ,thank you

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1 hour ago, DancingFool said:

 

Consider that sometimes, a little anonymity and help from strangers is just easier than having to explain yourself to family and friends. So do look into any possible options of getting a lift to the hospital.

As for hospitals, you can do some quick research and reach out, but we are living in abnormal times with covid and you do seem to have some special medical needs. A case of where no matter how inconvenient and odd it sounds, better to trust the doctors than not. Your life may be at stake here as a tendency for blood clots is not something to be taken lightly.

Ultimately, this is really a time is ticking situation and you really can't afford to wait or dictate terms. You need to do what you need to do.

If you must take the tube, try your best to focus on something calming - reading, listening to something that is soothing or distracting. Avoid fixating on what bothers you at all costs as that won't help you at all.

Unfortunately, you are in a situation where be strong or be strong are your only options. All I can do is send you internet hugs and strength. You can handle this as you see fit.

Thank you 

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1 hour ago, smackie9 said:

Well then what do you want? You want to keep the child? then move in with mom until you get you self set up, or you can put the child up for adoption. Have you even talked to your mother? maybe she has a neighbor that can drive you and have her accompany you.

You haven't the time to complain about how the hospitals are set up. You need to be proactive and seek out resources that are available to you.

Are you making excuses because truly you don't want to do this? and hope possibly when he sees the baby he will change his mind? You can go after him for child support btw.

No , it's not that , it would make more sense if it was the reason tho. I'm just finding what should of been a fairly straightforward procedure is turning into something more. I'm frightened anyway, and now it's just even worse because of the distance,travel and costs and covid . 

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Utilize the resources out there! I agree with the poster who stated that you aren't really in a position to be picky about it. So what if it's a volunteer who drives you? This happens to many women who need to have abortions but don't have the support needed to get to/from the appointment.

Honestly, if I lived in your area (I don't, I'm in the US), I'd drive you to/from the appointment myself. There are many, many people, like myself, who feel strongly about supporting a woman's choice to have an abortion who would be happy to help. Again, social services is the place to go. Tell them: you need to have an abortion but you lack transportation and may also need financial assistance as well. Get it done. 

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3 hours ago, SooSad33 said:

Even though no one can accomodate you, can you not have someone drop you off & stick around until you are done?

Just because you cannot have them in the hosp with you, can you not still get a ride to/from?

If you have the funds, arrange for a cab ride?  If mom does not want to help .. can she help with the cost?

 

My thought too. go with a friend, they wait outside the hospital for you and go home with you.

Does your mother know what you are planning?  If so, go on the tube with her.  Sometimes you just have to do what will work whether or not you like the idea.  This seems to be one of those times.

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