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He invaded my privacy


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For context, this man is the most thoughtful, kind, caring man I’ve ever met. He’s the safest option I’ve ever had. However I was undergoing he illusion that he would never go through my phone and he did. He found out about one of my ex lovers, who we are both now friends with- got angry and broke up with me. I then explained I shouldn’t have to disclose my love life to anyone if I don’t want too and he backtracked. He wants another chance, but now I’m not sure if he’s the person I thought he was, I don’t know if I can trust him. I feel guilty, because I feel so numb to the whole situation, like I hardly feel any love or hatred toward him and I really don’t know what to do. Like do I give up this great guy and regret it? Or do I give up what I thought was a great guy and move on with my life? Focus on me? 

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What's unhealthy is this arrangement where you give someone you barely know your passwords to your phone and unhealthy that you keep in touch with a guy you had a sexual arrangement with  - unhealthy

Why in the world would you give him your passwords?? After a few months? Do you store any of your financial info on your phone?? How he gets on with your friends is irrelevant.  I promise they will ge

Hey GGINC, I thought about your situation a little more, and thought I’d share with you.    When reflecting back on my early dating days with my husband, I didn’t really know what kind of perso

13 minutes ago, GGINC said:

He found out about one of my ex lovers, who we are both now friends with- got angry and broke up with me. 

Sorry this happened. How long have you been dating?

Unfortunately you have seen an undesirable side of him. That however creates a total picture of who he is not just the good stuff.

Possessiveness, jealousy and lack of boundaries are generally red flags to consider.

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5 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Sorry this happened. How long have you been dating?

Unfortunately you have seen an undesirable side of him. That however creates a total picture of who he is not just the good stuff.

Possessiveness, jealousy and lack of boundaries are generally red flags to consider.

Only four months, like it’s sooo early 

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3 minutes ago, Seraphim said:

I probably wouldn’t give another chance but I don’t see a point of being friends with exes either, especially not making them friends with current significant others . 

We weren’t ex’s, it was just a casual thing over the first lockdown- there were no feelings involved. He was still in my friend group and by chance my boyfriend became friends with him more so than anything. 

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I dated someone like this who after 6 weeks of dating stared into my purse and stared at the business cards in there -and basically accused me of being dishonest with him about what he thought I'd told him about how I interacted with people at business/networking events.  I had my purse with me but it set off all sorts of red flags and was one of the reasons we stopped dating.  I could not handle that level of insecurity.  I understand where you are coming from.  Isn't your phone password protected?

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Just now, Batya33 said:

I dated someone like this who after 6 weeks of dating stared into my purse and stared at the business cards in there -and basically accused me of being dishonest with him about what he thought I'd told him about how I interacted with people at business/networking events.  I had my purse with me but it set off all sorts of red flags and was one of the reasons we stopped dating.  I could not handle that level of insecurity.  I understand where you are coming from.  Isn't your phone password protected?

It is yea, but he knew my passwords and I was comfortable with that. He completely abused my trust. It’s just so hard because he couldn’t get on any better with my friends, they are all going to miss him like he was someone they looked forward to seeing, I feel like I’m hurting more people than just the one. 

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7 minutes ago, GGINC said:

It is yea, but he knew my passwords and I was comfortable with that. He completely abused my trust. It’s just so hard because he couldn’t get on any better with my friends, they are all going to miss him like he was someone they looked forward to seeing, I feel like I’m hurting more people than just the one. 

Why in the world would you give him your passwords?? After a few months? Do you store any of your financial info on your phone?? How he gets on with your friends is irrelevant.  I promise they will get over it very fast if they even are truly upset.

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13 minutes ago, GGINC said:

We weren’t ex’s, it was just a casual thing over the first lockdown- there were no feelings involved. He was still in my friend group and by chance my boyfriend became friends with him more so than anything. 

Still no point really. I don’t see the point of keeping an ex anything about . 

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Just now, Batya33 said:

Why in the world would you give him your passwords?? After a few months? Do you store any of your financial info on your phone?? How he gets on with your friends is irrelevant.  I promise they will get over it very fast if they even are truly upset.

Exactly, I have zero to hide but my husband doesn’t even remember my password and I don’t even know his. We have been together more than 30 years. 

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1 minute ago, Batya33 said:

Why in the world would you give him your passwords?? After a few months? Do you store any of your financial info on your phone?? How he gets on with your friends is irrelevant.  I promise they will get over it very fast if they even are truly upset.

Because I’ve never met anyone who appears so trustworthy in all my life. Like the relationship was so healthy up until that happened like I was so shook. 

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Just now, Seraphim said:

Still no point really. I don’t see the point of keeping an ex anything about . 

I'm in touch with several exes as is my husband.  It's all about trust and boundaries and what the couple decides is ok.  But I think she blurred the boundaries here sharing passwords in a new relationship.

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Just now, Seraphim said:

Exactly, I have zero to hide but my husband doesn’t even remember my password and I don’t even know his. We have been together more than 30 years. 

My mistake then, I just felt it wasn’t something that was overly important. Due to the fact I had nothing to hide. 

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Just now, Seraphim said:

Exactly, I have zero to hide but my husband doesn’t even remember my password and I don’t even know his. We have been together more than 30 years. 

Same.  I have given him my password when he needs it (and he would do the same with his).  I do worry that heaven forbid something happened to one of us, etc so we probably should resolve that -there's no issue we just have our own phones and devices.

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Just now, GGINC said:

My mistake then, I just felt it wasn’t something that was overly important. Due to the fact I had nothing to hide. 

I would change all of them if you have any personal or financial data on there or anything of the sort.  I have nothing to hide either.  The point is that dating someone doesn't mean you share passwords even if you have "nothing to hide" -so what?

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1 minute ago, Batya33 said:

I'm in touch with several exes as is my husband.  It's all about trust and boundaries and what the couple decides is ok.  But I think she blurred the boundaries here sharing passwords in a new relationship.

I honestly just didn’t even think it would be an issue like I was that confident in him, now I see how naive that was. 

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Just now, GGINC said:

My mistake then, I just felt it wasn’t something that was overly important. Due to the fact I had nothing to hide. 

I wouldn’t trust anyone after just 4 months with my personal info. Not having a password doesn’t mean you’re not trustworthy. 

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3 minutes ago, GGINC said:

He blames it all on it being his first time in a relationship, like if I stay and change my password it’s surely going to happen again? Or something similar? 

It will happen again unless he apologizes, tells you his plan moving forward, tells you how he can guarantee to you that it will never happen again -like he can offer to pay you $$ if he does or donate to a charity he hates, etc

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I don't think he's the right guy for you.  Firstly, you are with him because you thought he was "safe".  Secondly, he abused your trust and, thirdly, you are still in touch with an ex.  I, personally, don't really think it is necessary to be in touch with an ex.  If I met someone who was still in contact with their ex, it would be a huge red flag to me.

I'm not saying that what he did was right, but maybe he felt the same too.

 

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1 minute ago, Blue68 said:

I don't think he's the right guy for you.  Firstly, you are with him because you thought he was "safe".  Secondly, he abused your trust and, thirdly, you are still in touch with an ex.  I, personally, don't really think it is necessary to be in touch with an ex.  If I met someone who was still in contact with their ex, it would be a huge red flag to me.

I'm not saying that what he did was right, but maybe he felt the same too.

 

He wasn’t an ex, it’s was a friends with benefits type situation- there’s no feelings or anything and there never was and that’s very obvious, we are barely in contact now as it is 

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2 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

It will happen again unless he apologizes, tells you his plan moving forward, tells you how he can guarantee to you that it will never happen again -like he can offer to pay you $$ if he does or donate to a charity he hates, etc

That not a bit toxic no? Money in turn for a persons mistakes? Surely that’s just profitable tolerance. 

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