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Friend has been ghosting me for over a year and he is still on my mind because of no closure


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I made one friend online years ago. He was a bit insecure with his looks and with telling me his age so it took some time before he'd open up to me. I liked him as a person but I just didn't see him as someone I would be in a relationship with and there was also a huge distance. And I kinda knew that he liked me, I knew that he was giving me hints sometimes... but I didn't reciprocate. He would sometimes not contact me for 3 months for example, but he would always respond to me if I'd ask him what's up, he'd always say that he was too busy with exams. He even once mentioned that if he is not talking to me, then it's a good sign that he is not talking to someone else either. We've even met in real life, he visited me, but then a month after that he started ghosting me.. At that time I was starting out with one dating app and he knew about it. I even told him to try it out also. Then I met a guy there that I clicked pretty well with. That friend wanted to spend some time with me the week before he started ghosting me and I told him that I wasn't in the right mood for playing videogames and when I look back at the msgs it seemed like it hurt him, he even said he feels left out but that was only one week that something like that happened, he never told me that something bothers him or something, only that he feels left out and since then I've never heard from him ever again. He usually never told me that something was wrong, but he did mention to me before that he is pretty sensitive. I've tried contacting him again, several times, but it never worked out. He called on my phone once, but that missed call went for about two seconds and that was it, most likely an accident. A friend of his that was still in contact with him asked him about me, but he ignores her also ever since she asked about me. She told me that they didn't chat on a personal level either, just about classes at uni and that he is very busy with school but is always grateful to have holidays. And to our mutual friends he doesn't respond to either. And I don't know what to do, I feel really guilty. And I miss him, I wasn't interested in him romantically but I would consider him as one of my good friends. And it still hurts, even after a year. I just wish he could respond to me, at least once, so then I would know that I gotta move on, that nothing will ever be the same again... Or I'd rather see him telling me that I was a bad friend or something, at least giving me some kind of closure so I can be able to accept the situation... Is there still a chance that he will get back to me? I think I am done reaching out to him. 😕

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I think you have to give yourself closure.  He was an online pen pal who you met in person.  When you met you chose not to talk about your intentions about any future meetings, whether there was romantic interest and it sounds like neither of you was on the same page.  Also you chose not to be a reliable pen pal once you started dating someone.  These kinds of pen pal arrangements (I know, you met once) are precarious to start with and both you and he knew you could stop contact at any point -you did -you basically blew him off -and he did - I wouldn't gossip about him to the mutual friend. I think you have to accept that this was mostly an on line chat buddy and now those chats likely are over.  I am sorry you are disappointed.

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56 minutes ago, middi42 said:

I just wish he could respond to me😕

Ok, now that you are both dating others and both more involved in your real-life local lives, try staying acquaintances on social media. He simply moved to an outer orbit in your life, and that happens with friends when you evolve, change, grow. It's fine..

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Sadly, he seems like someone who is in his own way .. look at his track record, how he goes silent with many?

 I think you should just leave all alone.. and if he should reach out again, be happy for that.. so, no expectations.

Is fine if we do not hear from someone for a while, then we do end up hearing from them again.

 

 

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