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Am i being unreasonable?


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So i went on my boyfriend's phone to delete a pic that he took of me that i hated because his phone is always locked and he forgot it on. When I went into his gallery, I saw that his ex is still sending him selfies of herself. So I asked him who is the girl sending him pics and he stated its just a friend, forgetting that i saw a pic of her in the early parts of our relationship. So when he lied to me it just made me more curious. I then went on his whats app, by the way this is the first time ever doing that, I noticed he deletes all his chats and only leaves my chat and some groups that he is on, however, his call log was still there and they were still video calling everyday, multiple times per day. I know that they still talk at times and it was never an issue until now. He actually has many female friends and i had no problem with that until now... because he lied to me and i dont trust him anymore. So I asked him how often do they talk and he said that they dont talk often. I then asked him if its usually a regular call or video call and he said regular call, which was a lie. When i showed him the calls, he said he doesn't want to lose me that's why he lied. He said he blocked her and they are no longer in contact but i dont trust him. He has a lot of female friends and all are females that he was involved with sexually at some point. We were planning to get married this year but I'm just getting a feeling that i would regret it if i do. Since then Im so unhappy. I'm trying to give him a chance but i feel miserable. I made a joke and asked him to see his phone today and he got vex when I asked. He knows my password for my phone bt his is a big secret. I honestly feel like breaking up with him because I dont trust him. Am i being immature?

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you aren't being immature.  This man has been emotionally cheating on you and lying to you.

He said he lied to you so he wouldn't lose you.  That benefits him, but disrespects you.

A grown man would behave trustworthy and respectful to honor his relationship.  Not lie.

Hold out for a mature man.   Not an boy who can't keep his stories straight and leads a double life..  Certainly don't marry him.

 

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He is a big liar and not to be trusted.  He has been emotionally cheating on you the whole time.

You would be a  fool to marry this guy!

Edited by Hollyj
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Let his ex have him. He's a liar and a cheater and he hides things from you.

Funny how he only promised to stop because you caught him. He'll just be sneakier from now on.

I would end this sham of a relationship unless you want a lifetime of looking through his phone and wondering where he is and who he's talking to when you're not around. That is an awful way to live.

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No you are not being unreasonable at all. Marrying this guy would be the greatest mistake of your life, ditto for staying with him for even another hour of your life.

You caught him cheating and having a double life. Realize also that whatever you do catch a cheater at is just the tip of the iceberg. He lies and does what he does because he enjoys it and there will be no greater power trip for him than to convince you that this isn't what it looks like. Notice also that cheating is a one way street - he hides his phone, but you should be open and loyal. Don't play these toxic games and just walk away. Don't try to save this "relationship", save yourself and your own future, meaning dump him with extreme prejudice.

Edited by DancingFool
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Do you mind me asking why you are second guessing yourself? Can we backtrack a little - why do you feel you deserve to live with this?

Unfortunately those behaviours won't stop with marriage. 

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Marrying this man would be a HUGE mistake.  A man who is planning on getting married doesn't secretly video call his ex-girlfriend and doesn't need to have multiple previous sex partners as "friends".

He didn't lie because he was worried he might lose you, he lied because he knew he was doing something wrong.  If he was really worried about losing you, he wouldn't do it in the first place. 

 

 

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6 hours ago, Trinichick101 said:

I saw that his ex is still sending him selfies of herself. So I asked him who is the girl sending him pics and he stated its just a friend, forgetting that i saw a pic of her in the early parts of our relationship. So when he lied to me it just made me more curious. I then went on his whats app, by the way this is the first time ever doing that, I noticed he deletes all his chats and only leaves my chat and some groups that he is on, however, his call log was still there and they were still video calling everyday, multiple times per day

What the heck are they talkin so much for?

And no, out of respect for you & your relationship, she should not be sending him pics, nor should he be accepting them.

Out of respect, when I am not longer involved with 'an ex', unless necessary (re: kids), we do not talk, send pics etc at all.

IF he had no guilt, you think he'd have no reason to 'delete' any chats?

Not sure how long you two have been involved.. but I would not marry someone who's still so tied in to their past.

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On 3/31/2021 at 4:19 AM, Trinichick101 said:

So i went on my boyfriend's phone to delete a pic that he took of me that i hated because his phone is always locked and he forgot it on. When I went into his gallery, I saw that his ex is still sending him selfies of herself. So I asked him who is the girl sending him pics and he stated its just a friend, forgetting that i saw a pic of her in the early parts of our relationship. So when he lied to me it just made me more curious. I then went on his whats app, by the way this is the first time ever doing that, I noticed he deletes all his chats and only leaves my chat and some groups that he is on, however, his call log was still there and they were still video calling everyday, multiple times per day. I know that they still talk at times and it was never an issue until now. He actually has many female friends and i had no problem with that until now... because he lied to me and i dont trust him anymore. So I asked him how often do they talk and he said that they dont talk often. I then asked him if its usually a regular call or video call and he said regular call, which was a lie. When i showed him the calls, he said he doesn't want to lose me that's why he lied. He said he blocked her and they are no longer in contact but i dont trust him. He has a lot of female friends and all are females that he was involved with sexually at some point. We were planning to get married this year but I'm just getting a feeling that i would regret it if i do. Since then Im so unhappy. I'm trying to give him a chance but i feel miserable. I made a joke and asked him to see his phone today and he got vex when I asked. He knows my password for my phone bt his is a big secret. I honestly feel like breaking up with him because I dont trust him. Am i being immature?

Red flags everywhere....this should be deal breakers. There's enough here to breakup. It's a no brainer.

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You don't trust him because he's proven himself untrust-worthy.

You get to decide how high trust ranks on your list of 'musts' for a relationship.

Speaking only for myself, I wouldn't involve myself with anyone who is still involved with an ex in any, way, shape or form beyond shared children. 

Unfortunately, you're learning WHY.

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