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Hi guys,

Its my first time posting something and I’m already sorry If I make grammar mistakes (English is not my first language).

So my boyfriend and me have been dating since 4 months. On the first date he gave me the parking lot ticket to keep it as a memory of the date. So somehow we ( me) ended up collecting the tickets till now. I cherish them a lot, sorted them in a box and always happy to look at them. He told me we should make a album In the Future. So today I was on Instagram and found a very adorable design, which I showed him via message. He said he doesn’t like it. At first I thought it’s just not his style but later in the conversation it slipped from his mouth that he crafted the exact same thing for his ex as a present. I know they have been together and where already living together since 8 years. She wanted the break up thats why they broke up. 

Is it strange that I feel so upset about it now? I feel disgusted by my stupidity for Collecting them and cherishing them so much. It’s my first real relationship with a guy so I don’t know if I’m just making up drama for nothing now or ? I told him about my feelings and he apologised for telling me it. But that’s not even what I’m upset about....

my mind is a mess and I really don’t know how to feel or do. 

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21 minutes ago, FreshStrawberry said:

he crafted the exact same thing for his ex as a present. I know they have been together and where already living together since 8 years.

Sorry this is happening. How long were they broken up before you started dating him.? \

It seems like he is trying to relive his life with her and repeat all "their" little things. 

At 16 weeks dating step back and observe if he is ready to date or just filling space . 

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2 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:How long were they broken up before you started dating him.? \

We had our first date 6 months after his breakup. I was sceptical too if he is already ready for a somebody new in his life after 8 years of dating but I told me he is over her. 

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I think you are dealing with two separate things here.

One is that just because someone tells you something, doesn't mean it's true. Doesn't make them a liar either necessarily, it's just that when it comes to dating and emotions, lots of people think they are ready to date and move on when they really aren't. Sooooo, it's on you to take your time to get to know them, observe, and decide for yourself if the relationship is working right or wrong for you. That's really what dating is for - to figure out if this person is good for you or not so good for you.

Second thing is that...well....most guys just aren't that creative. Harsh reality is that they will totally recycle an approach that worked for them before with the next girl. I know you want to feel special, buuut whatever he is doing and telling you, chances are good that the previous ex's have heard the same lines and the same stories. People in general just aren't that unique. So it goes back to above - take a step back and observe more how he suits what you want or not. Also, be genuine to yourself and who you are. Just because a guy tells you to keep something....doesn't mean you need to agree and start towing that line. If that kind of sentimental stuff is not your thing, then be honest about that. If it is your thing, then carry on because....well.....it's YOUR thing. First and foremost is be genuine with yourself to yourself. It will spare you a lot of pain and confusion.

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I think him saying he doesn't like it is quite rude and hurtful. That's good that he apologized.

I agree with the comment that you should be true to yourself and don't let his past issues bother you. 

New relationships are fragile because there are so many firsts and sometimes your firsts don't always match in tandem. The older you get, the less this will matter. Look at his heart and who he is as a person. If he's quite brash or cruel with his words, you might be dealing with an unkind man and that is someone you do not want to be around. 

Edited by Rose Mosse
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I agree with the other posters that say there are really two issues here. And you might be focused on the wrong one. 

When people have past relationships, it is common to degrade it when it's over.  Saying things like he's over it. the relationships was over a long time ago, they don't know why it lasted so long, they really weren't happy, etc.

There probably is a grain of truth in all those contents because the c relationship did end.  

But here is the part no one ever wants to admit.  It takes time to heal from whatever it was and it takes time to adjust to life single.

If I were you, I would throw all those tickets away. (quietly.) you don't have to make a big deal of it. But you now know that was their thing and it kinda has a negative memory attached to it for you. 

Also pull back a little.  So that you can observe how things are in the relationship.

You may be a rebound. it hurts and yes, it sucks. Don't let red flags slide. And don't be afraid to dump him. It's better to dump him because your needs aren't being met,  than to bend yourself into a pretzel to make him see how great you are. 

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I have to be honest, I do find it weird that he started the idea of collecting the parking tickets with you, if he already did exactly the same thing with his ex. I understand that some things that couples do are the same, e.g. just making a photo album or scrapbook of your photos together. But the parking ticket thing is very specific and it's not a common thing that people do. For example, if someone always went to a certain cafe for their Birthday with their ex and then they wanted to go to exactly the same place with you every Birthday, that would be kind of strange. Usually people try to move on from their ex and not do the same things with a new partner. 

Although it's hard to know whether maybe your boyfriend just really likes this idea and it's his way of showing his partner that he cares. For example, I love trivia and I was on a pub trivia team with my ex. When I get into a new relationship I might be on a trivia team with that person too. 

I don't think you necessarily have to break up with your boyfriend because of this but you can tell him that you don't like collecting the parking tickets and doing exactly what he did with his ex. You could say that you would prefer to find your own special thing with him that he hasn't done before.

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11 hours ago, bluecastle said:

Sorry about this. 

Just to clarify, are you saying that, with his ex, he also made an album of parking lot tickets or just that they made some sort of album together? 

Exactly the same with their old tickets, thats what he told me. 

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Just now, FreshStrawberry said:

Exactly the same with their old tickets, thats what he told me. 

Well he needs to be more tactful and not keep doing the same special thing with every girlfriend. I agree with you that it's weird. But maybe he didn't mean to hurt you.

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15 hours ago, FreshStrawberry said:

Is it strange that I feel so upset about it now? I feel disgusted by my stupidity for Collecting them and cherishing them so much. It’s my first real relationship with a guy so I don’t know if I’m just making up drama for nothing now or ? I told him about my feelings and he apologised for telling me it. But that’s not even what I’m upset about....

Aw. I don't think you were being stupid by collecting them and making an album. It's a sweet gesture. And it's understandable that you would feel hurt by what he said. His remarks were really off-putting for a couple of reasons. It is possible that he didn't intend to hurt you..... I'm interested to see what else he says when he writes you later.

Edited by Jibralta
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He wrote me that he is deeply sorry ans now after I mentioned he see how messed up it is but that’s not what he intended. We wanted to call, but I guess after work he was too tired and forgot to call me. I’m not sure if this incident weaken or relationship or made it stronger but like you guys said I will keep an eye on his feelings for me and his past relationship.

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5 minutes ago, FreshStrawberry said:

He wrote me that he is deeply sorry ans now after I mentioned he see how messed up it is but that’s not what he intended. We wanted to call, but I guess after work he was too tired and forgot to call me. I’m not sure if this incident weaken or relationship or made it stronger but like you guys said I will keep an eye on his feelings for me and his past relationship.

Well maybe give him another chance but just say to him that you would feel much better if he tried to move on from his ex and do something special that's new for the two of you. Maybe you could come up with another sweet idea you could do? He was with his ex for eight years so of course it feels weird he was doing the same thing.

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On 3/31/2021 at 3:54 AM, FreshStrawberry said:

 I had to confronted him about it. The talk didn’t went good. 

 

2 hours ago, FreshStrawberry said:

 We wanted to call, but I guess after work he was too tired and forgot to call me. 

He didn't forget to call you. He's avoiding you and tiptoeing out of the relationship.

It's ok you mentioned something. It brought out what you needed to know. That is he's not over his ex and he's not ready to date.

Keep in mind they're probably still talking and while he's "too tired and forgot", he's may be talking to her.

Step away from this. You'll avoid a lot of headaches and heartaches in the future.

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2 hours ago, Tinydance said:

We wanted to call, but I guess after work he was too tired and forgot to call me.

Wow, is that a belt and suspenders excuse? lol.

I think that you were correct to mention that something was bothering you. You gave him a chance to address it. 

If your concern was important to him, he would have made it a priority to address it. But it seems like he's side-stepped the issue instead. That doesn't bode well. Be careful.

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2 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

 

He didn't forget to call you. He's avoiding you and tiptoeing out of the relationship.

It's ok you mentioned something. It brought out what you needed to know. That is he's not over his ex and he's not ready to date.

Keep in mind they're probably still talking and while he's "too tired and forgot", he's may be talking to her.

Step away from this. You'll avoid a lot of headaches and heartaches in the future.

Major red flag here, OP. I would dump him now. 

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