Custody and Number of hours a week a child is with 1 parent post divorce

[Sabrina918]

Hi all.

I am not divorced nor do I have kids but am curious about custody and experience/ number of hours a week a father or parent is with a child.

my friend is going through divorce with a 6 year old. Her daughter is primarily with her and sees her father all day Saturday including a stay over until 10am Sunday. The child’s father further sees her Monday’s and wednesdays from 2-530 after school. 
 

is this enough time? Apparently courts don’t favor a specific time period. What do you think? Curious for help and what’s been useful for you as they make their plan.

 

blessings 

[Seraphim]

When my brother’s kids were little they spent 50/50 with my brother and his ex wife. 
We only spent every second weekend with our dad. 
What is good is what is best for the children not the parents. The court is there to protect the rights and interests of the children. 

[Sabrina918]

Excellent point. I just wonder psychologically if it’s best for the child to spend more time with their father and at what age.

the attorney said the child will eventually be able to decide 

[Seraphim]

They do get to decide later, yes. My brother eldest daughter has lived with him for four years now. 

[Wiseman2]

5 hours ago, Sabrina918 said:

. Her daughter is primarily with her and sees her father all day Saturday including a stay over until 10am Sunday. 

It's up to whatever both parents decide and more importantly, whatever thier court ordered custody and visitation schedule is.

What's your role in this since it's really not your business?

[SooSad33]

IMO, that's reasonable. All cases are different (eg, parents availability - work etc).

My first ex, would see kids alternate weekends- but became every weekend, as he never saw them thru the week.

Similar with 2nd ex.  He had them every weekend- due to work expectations. (was decided and agreed upon between us).

Some friends would see their child either every weekend (or alternate) and even once thru the week (eg, Wed's evening).

So, all depends... Also take into acct.  Are both parents reasonable?  Work things out okay? -  usually one will be sole caregiver with other having 'access',

Are both parents stable enough? with another person present- because one is not as stable-- which is 'supervised;, - due to issue's).

 

 

 

[Batya33]

I'm married with a child and from what I understand it's what's in the best interests of the child. I would be shocked -jaw dropping shocked -if the standard was whether it was best for a child to be with the father at a certain age. I mean sure if the child is being breast fed it's best for the child to be with the mom if the mom can't pump for some reason but why in the world would someone generalize that a child is better off with a father than a mother at a certain age -psychologically? Makes no sense at all to generalize that way.  It's so individual.  

[abitbroken]

its whatever time the parents agree to.  I would stay out of it.  They have to consider the child's school schedule, and the work schedules of the parents.   Seems like this is a consistent schedule for the child so they feel like they aren't just being carted around.

I know someone who has kids that have a different schedule every other week and its very hard (leaving school projects at the wrong house, etc, since they might be dropped off at sschool by one parent, and then go home with the other after school to stay a few nights.  Its terrible for the kids. They don't know if they are coming or going

[Sabrina918]

We were just curious for mediation purposes what works better for others. The court didn’t really give guidelines and are leaving it to the parents to decide.

 

I do agree that it’s best to have stability for the child to the best it could be provided.

The little girl does want to see her father more however Bc she’s not very used to the environment at his home (she has a room and her father is a good dad and provides well and is hands on), she has a hard time with 2 nights in a row.

 

thanks so much for the input. I’m sure it’ll be amended frequently as she grows up and addds her input.

[lostandhurt]

Unfortunately sometimes the divorcing parents are not so understanding and they put their wants/needs ahead of the children.  What you described sounds like both parents are putting their little girl first instead of fighting over child support and custody.

  When I got divorced my ex was more interested in her bf than being a good mom so I took on everything at first and then it just stayed that way.  Therapy, doctor appointments, field trips, homework, outside activities...

I was lucky that I got to see my son everyday except one.  He would ride the bus home to me each day except Thursday, we do his homework, physical therapy and then have fun until his mother picked him up on her way home from work.  I had him every weekend and all holidays as well.  I couldn't have him stay the night during the week because I started work very early so we worked out the system and she agreed.  In the end it all worked out well.

When custody changes and one parent wants to adjust the child support the court usually has to be involved but if the parents work well together much of it can be settled easily.  The dad sounds like he really wants to be with his daughter and that matters more than the actual amount of time they are together.  Quality over quantity.

Lost