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8 hours ago, whiteroses3230 said:

I like reading other people’s updates so I feel like it’s good to post my own:

 

8 dates. Going on 3 months. We talk constantly in between. I love you’s are said, etc. Obviously if you’ve followed along we’ve been talking for a long time before dating in person as well. He just recently asked me to accompany on a small trip to see his group of friends and do some work in July. He knows going away with a guy is something I like to do only when official, etc. I think it’s his way of hinting at this. However, within the next two times I see him I am going to bring it up if he does not first. Will let you guys know how it results. 

Believe me he would never ever want to risk hinting especially since he knows full well you want a real commitment and future potential with him and to know his intentions clearly - I agree with Jibralta.  Also understand the trip is already happening -it's lovely he invited you and it's not something he planned and put effort into planning just for the two of you.  What I mean by risk hinting is that between now and July you could turn your attentions elsewhere or have someone else seek your attention (even if you never ever "cheated")  if he doesn't make it clear he's stepping up to the plate.  

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You could just be honest with him! Let him know you kind of fumbled the last time you discussed the topic and you'd like to try again. Then let him know your thoughts. I don't think anyone r

4 dates is good. It means he's interested and it's going well. Try to be more confident rather than analyze everything he says. 4 dates. 4. Fast forwarding like this comes off as clingy

Girrrrllll, This is one major case of overthink and putting your foot in your mouth. In the last several interactions, you are over-worrying about appearances and acting inconsistent with wh

Update/conclusion: We talked about it this evening on the phone. It came up based on something he said off the cuff, so I guess technically I brought up the topic in a jokey roundabout way. He said he planned to have this discussion the next time we saw each other, he’s been wanting to. And long story short, we’re official. By/gf, labels. Whole thing. 
 

Thank you everyone! 

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On 4/29/2021 at 8:25 AM, Batya33 said:

Believe me he would never ever want to risk hinting especially since he knows full well you want a real commitment and future potential with him and to know his intentions clearly - I agree with Jibralta.  Also understand the trip is already happening -it's lovely he invited you and it's not something he planned and put effort into planning just for the two of you.  What I mean by risk hinting is that between now and July you could turn your attentions elsewhere or have someone else seek your attention (even if you never ever "cheated")  if he doesn't make it clear he's stepping up to the plate.  

Thank you for this opinion/explanation! I do appreciate it! 

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4 hours ago, whiteroses3230 said:

 I guess technically I brought up the topic in a jokey roundabout way. He said he planned to have this discussion the next time we saw each other.

Is this a distance relationship? How often do you see each other?

Once sex/physical is introduced, it's best to have the exclusive conversation. In a frank, confident and adult manner.

You don't need to beg, be coy, play games, hint or use highschool labels. That comes off as quite insecure.

Not sure how this label means anything since you are already exclusive, intimate,etc.

BF/GF label is not any sort of "step" or commitment to get all giddy about. 

Focus on how often you can see each other in person and building a real in person relationship. Focus on actions, not words, labels, social media etc.

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10 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Is this a distance relationship? How often do you see each other?

Once sex/physical is introduced, it's best to have the exclusive conversation. In a frank, confident and adult manner.

You don't need to beg, be coy, play games, hint or use highschool labels. That comes off as quite insecure.

Not sure how this label means anything since you are already exclusive, intimate,etc.

BF/GF label is not any sort of "step" or commitment to get all giddy about. 

Focus on how often you can see each other in person and building a real in person relationship. Focus on actions, not words, labels, social media etc.

Nope, as explained throughout, we are dating in real life, not distance. We see each other 1-2x a week, as our schedules allow. The whole situation I had was about how I felt I fumbled this topic when he originally brought it up. We’ve already been building things in person and love each other. I still wanted the label. So I am happy about it! 

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2 hours ago, whiteroses3230 said:

Nope, as explained throughout, we are dating in real life, not distance. We see each other 1-2x a week, as our schedules allow. The whole situation I had was about how I felt I fumbled this topic when he originally brought it up. We’ve already been building things in person and love each other. I still wanted the label. So I am happy about it! 

So if he proposes marriage and you accept will you think of the fiancee part as just a label?  What's this label stuff- sounds like more of you trying to dismiss your own feelings on the matter.

Having said that I'm glad you're happy with what you are building in person and that you love each other.  Enjoy!

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9 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

So if he proposes marriage and you accept will you think of the fiancee part as just a label?  What's this label stuff- sounds like more of you trying to dismiss your own feelings on the matter.

Having said that I'm glad you're happy with what you are building in person and that you love each other.  Enjoy!

Huh? Why would I think of marriage as just a label? This is just the conclusion to a very long thread which was about exclusivity. 

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Posted (edited)
20 minutes ago, whiteroses3230 said:

Why would I think of marriage as just a label? This is just the conclusion to a very long thread which was about exclusivity. 

But you had exclusivity when you first posted back in March:

On 3/27/2021 at 3:03 AM, whiteroses3230 said:

our dates have been spread out over a month and a half, but we are exclusive to each other

If it's the label you've been after this whole time, then congrats. It's not a huge leap to transfer that mentality into marriage (many do!).

However, a label isn't going to guarantee a good relationship. For that, you have to figure out what you actually want from your partner and stick to it.

 

Edited by Jibralta
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I get it.  I dated a man for about 8 months and we never had a talk about whether we were actually in a relationship or not.  And that's exactly what he cited when he decided to stop dating me; he said "We never said we were boyfriend and girlfriend and for me, that meant I wasn't feeling it the way I should have been.  If I was I would have had that talk with you."

I hope things continue to go well for you.

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Posted (edited)
3 hours ago, whiteroses3230 said:

Huh? Why would I think of marriage as just a label? This is just the conclusion to a very long thread which was about exclusivity. 

Oh.  You keep referring to boyfriend/girlfriend just being a label.  That's why I asked.  If you see it as just a label and feel he is at the same level of commitment as you are then that's awesome!  Are you comfortable with him not referring to you as his partner or girlfriend to others?

Edited by Batya33
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Posted (edited)
On 4/21/2021 at 6:12 PM, whiteroses3230 said:

Thanks so much for your response. I wish I read it originally! It actually makes me feel so much better! Sometimes you just need one person to put it in a slighhhhhtly more positive way while still giving advice and it helps tremendously. I updated a bit- we’ve seen each other 7x with plans for an 8th. Things seem nice between us. There was a *curious* snag recently where he vented to me about his ex. Many here take it to be a bad sign that he’s not that into me. I didn’t read it as negatively, but would love to know your opinion if you get the time to scroll up a bit and read from my post with the update. 🙂

Hey! I am glad that you found my response helpful. I have been going through the gauntlet with law school exams these past few weeks, so I had not seen your reply until now.

I think that venting about one's ex - in the abstract -  can be taken in several different ways, some good, some bad. But abstraction strips context which here is so important. He had a stressful situation happen. His ex-wife wanted to introduce a new guy to their kids. That would make any ordinary person stressed out. He felt he could vent to you about a stressor in his life, so he did. You even said that those sorts of comments did not seem unusual to you, so your gut felt that this was not a red flag. This checks out - no red flag in my opinion either.

Edited by Pleasedonot5
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Posted (edited)

My boyfriend asked me to be exclusive after two dates and for me to be his gf after 3. We had sex after being in a relationship for a few weeks. 

If a guy is into you, they generally confirm it fast. I've never had a guy not try to be exclusive by a month to 6 weeks. Whether I end up agreeing to it is another matter, but guys will always try. You shouldn't have to ask or bring it up. Hope things go well for you, he doesn't seem the best candidate for a serious relationship imo. 

Edited by Honeycomb8
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