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Contact by ex after few years

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Not sure if this is the appropriate sub forum or the healing after breakup one but anyways.

Posted previously awhile ago about a relationship full of drama with my ex GF constantly breaking up with me, and acting manipulatively all the while being unsure of her feelings. The relationship was pretty odd because even though we dated for years, she never introduced me to anyone as her boyfriend, never posted about me on her social media, introduced me to her family as her “friend” and refused to meet my family. I was naive as it was my first relationship and I really loved her and did my best. Eventually she broke up with me and literally within a few weeks had all these pictures up on facebook with her new boyfriend, her introducing him to her family, all kinds of stuff. 

People are free to date who they want and do what they want, but even if unintentional to me it felt like a slap in the face at the time. Regardless I never lashed out, I tried reaching out a few times after being made aware of all that just to tell her I wished her the best and truly loved her. She never replied and so after a few attempts I went into no contact.

Fast forward to recently when she sent a multi paragraph email apologizing, saying she didn’t see a future for us at the time and she couldn’t reciprocate the love I had for her but hopes in time we can be friends. Now bear in mind I blocked her from social media long ago, and for all she knows I blocked her email too. She is still with her “new” boyfriend that I’m aware of so I don’t know what the purpose of this message would be. People can sometimes be friends with their exes but I dont see how she finds that realistic here.

Haven’t replied and I don’t think I’m going to... just don’t see what would compel someone to send a message after a few years of ghosting them and treating them poorly back when they truly had the chance to treat them better. Friendship from my end is out of the question, particularly if she is still with this other guy. I don’t want to know about it nor the details of their relationship. 

Honestly it just made me feel a mix of emotions... happy that she still thinks of me, sad that my non reply means I won’t hear from her again, anger at how she treated me and that she finds it appropriate to message after a few years. Don’t know if I even need specific advice, just felt good to get this out there I guess

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Things probably aren’t going well with her boyfriend. It’s up to you on if you want to respond. You said she was manipulative, so tread carefully. Id probably respond without any emotion, and try to get a better idea of what her agenda is. Of course, that is if you would like to hook up with her. It sounds like you still love her. I’m not sure why you would want to have another relationship with her because she sounds toxic, but do what you want. You’ll never know if you don’t respond. Perhaps she just feels guilty. 

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Nah, don't respond.  You've gone this far... why go back?

Keep moving forward and keep healing.  ( no matter what is going on in her life.. does not matter).

And right, we often cannot be 'friends' with an ex.. too many emotions involved.


Edited by SooSad33
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Don't allow these intrusions to disturb your peace. Block her on everything.

Whenever an ex contacts you it's for their own selfish reasons.  (Got dumped, wants attention, had an epiphany,etc.)

Not your problem.

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I wouldn't bother trying to find out what her "agenda" is. And don't hook up with her. The fact that her contact is causing an emotional reaction (as opposed to "that's random" and deleting the message) I can assure you that if you do "hook up" with her those feelings will come flooding back and you'll be on here posting about how you two slept together and now she's ignoring your texts and how hurt you are.

She probably got into a tiff with her boyfriend, hit a dry spell or is doing some kind of therapy where she's told to apologize to those she wronged in the past. None of which have anything to do with you personally.

I would stick with not responding.

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She was having a weak moment, you popped into her head along with the guilt at how horribly she treated you and she's looking to alleviate some of that guilt with a response from you saying you forgive her.

There is nothing there for you to go back to, it's not clear why you'd even consider responding to her after she treated you so poorly. Odd that she never introduced you to anyone and yet the new guy was introduced within weeks.

Getting in contact with her could really set you back.

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