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My ex and I were together for 2 years, long distance (even though his house is just 30 mins away from mine). We met in high school through a friend and I liked him since we met. I have to admit our relationship was toxic back then since he was going through a tough time in his life. He called me names and cursed at me but I still loved him. Even my friend told me to dump him but I didn't. I decided to take a break from him for at least a few months and after that, I got to talk to him again and he told me "Thank you so much for loving me all this time." and he got a little better than he was before. The relationship was slowly getting better and we grew together but since last year, I have gotten busy and hadn't had time for my partner. This went on for 9 months and by the time I could talk with my partner again, he was acting aloof. And then he dumped me. For a downgrade. This new girl apparently seduced him while I was gone and he gave in to her. He was disguising her as a friend and then when he dumped me, he said she is better than me. He apologized to me and he said he'll "gladly" be friends with me. But his new rebound relationship is more toxic. He literally controls the girl's choice of gender (she is part of the LGBTQ fam) and her speech (don't really know why). I'm in the middle of no contact and I'm slowly healing. Is there a chance that we can get back together again?

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“He literally controls the girl's choice of gender (she is part of the LGBTQ fam) and her speech ”


This is what is jumping out at me. Why do you want to get back someone who would do this, to anyone? 

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1 hour ago, Megpoid said:

long distance his house is just 30 mins away. He called me names and cursed at me. He was disguising her as a friend and then when he dumped me. He apologized to me and he said he'll "gladly" be friends with me. 

Who is Bruce Banner?

He sounds abusive. Why chase that?

How is 30 min "long distance"?  How often did you date/see each other?

It doesn't matter who he's dating now. Be glad he's gone.

Don't be friends. Delete and block him and ALL his people from ALL your social media and messaging apps, so you can move forward and live your own life and find your own BF.

Edited by Wiseman2
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How old are you? Are you all younger than 18? The world is very small right now, comprising of only the individuals in your school or classes or neighbouring schools. This other girl and your ex might be larger than life but they really aren't. All of this is an extremely narrow and tiny slice of your entire life infront of you. 

He abused you while you were together (verbally and emotionally). Be a bit more careful choosing your partners because you could be heading down a path repeating the same patterns again over and over. You'll waste your life away like that. 

Stay single for awhile until you feel less of an urge to have this person in your life. 

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4 hours ago, Megpoid said:

I liked him since we met. I have to admit our relationship was toxic back then since he was going through a tough time in his life. He called me names and cursed at me but I still loved him. Even my friend told me to dump him but I didn't. I decided to take a break from him for at least a few months and after that, I got to talk to him again and he told me "Thank you so much for loving me all this time." and he got a little better than he was before.

 

4 hours ago, Megpoid said:

since last year, I have gotten busy and hadn't had time for my partner. This went on for 9 months and by the time I could talk with my partner again, he was acting aloof. And then he dumped me. For a downgrade. This new girl apparently seduced him while I was gone and he gave in to her. He was disguising her as a friend and then when he dumped me, he said she is better than me.

And you'd like to get back together with this guy again... why?

In his history, he had insulted you - to which your friends said to rid of him... only months later you went back.

And the, in time he dumped you & is with another gal.

What's this tell you?  He is not for you, if you ask me.

There are clearly some issue's with him and I'm sure you being away so long, yes, he wandered. ( can't be trusted maybe?).

Let this one go - for good!

Let them be... focus on yourself now.  Find yourself a man who is fully into you & appreciates you.

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Posted (edited)

Thank you for all your replies! I appreciate them. Honestly, I still love him despite everything. It's not that I think I don't deserve better or I'm scared of commitment. I know better guys, actually and have been crushing on a few for the past week. I know that I deserve someone better. It's just that I don't feel the same butterflies that I get with my ex. Despite the bad times we had, we went on dates, we laughed together and he even apologized for his bad treatment towards me during the relationship. He has a heart, it's just covered with a lot of walls. 

I love him for him, if that's considered a reason 😊. No matter how messed up he becomes. People like him are actually really scared inside. It's as if they deserve to be hated. I know love alone won't change him. He has to be willing to change. I think everyone deserves love as much as he does. But I won't force it on him. 

I'll stay away from him and let him go for now. I'm still in the process of healing and I have been doing a little better since he dumped me. Been going out with friends and family a lot and it healed me a little.

Edited by Megpoid
Needed to add something.
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2 hours ago, Megpoid said:

 He has a heart, it's just covered with a lot of walls. 

I love him for him, if that's considered a reason 😊. No matter how messed up he becomes. People like him are actually really scared inside. It's as if they deserve to be hated. I know love alone won't change him. He has to be willing to change. I think everyone deserves love as much as he does. But I won't force it on him. 

This is a bunch of nonsense. You are making excuses for this abusive man.

It's time to extract yourself from this very unhealthy mindset and maybe seek some counsellig for yourself. Your view of love is worringly warped and it's going to lead you back to toxic relationships again and again.

Stay away from this guy. He is not a good one. 

 

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5 hours ago, Megpoid said:

It's just that I don't feel the same butterflies that I get with my ex. 

That's anxiety from the drama. Try not to mistake intensity for intimacy.

Dating should be excitingly, fun, fulfilling, etc. But what you are describing is nerves from abuse.

Edited by Wiseman2
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