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Posted (edited)

Jib, I would like some feedback. Based on everything I have written here on ENA (which is pretty much what I can't express in real life so the real me) would you date me? 

You can be as honest as you want haha, it won't affect our ENA friendship!

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It might happen this month. Fingers crossed.

Good morning Dias!   And no, no not at all! I am a big ridiculous romantic so I feel the urge to stick up for love 🥲 I can understand where you are coming from completely, I get it, and mine

Dear Grandpa, I am on the train to Norwich as I am writing this. I made the mistake to cram all my stuff into two big suitcases and not hire a company to move them to my new place. My back is pay

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Posted (edited)

What a glorious weather.  Drinking a huge cup of hot coffee in the garden whilst listening to the birds singing and watching the sunrise! Ah, invaluable moments. Thank God the best things in life are free 🙂

I dreamed about the girl from my previous job, I dreamed she was sleeping next to me. Even in a dream it felt so good. I must really liked this girl....I had never in my life been so excited to meet a person....

10 hours ago, Jibralta said:

If I was your age and single? Probably. I think the real you would show through, even if you were quiet. But what are you really asking?

I am the real me in real life, I am as original as it gets but like everybody else I don't divulge my inner thoughts. I filter what I say like everybody else. I am asking to see whether you would find me interesting as a personality from a typical woman's perspective. Now I understand that everyone is different and you are different than the typical woman(it's a compliment) but I want to see if I am a person worth spending time with. 

Maybe I lack an "edge" or I am not that entertaining, I have no clue. I find I have an interesting personality but my opinion is biased apparently and I am judging based on my criteria of what I find interesting. When I meet people (women in this case) something is missing, I think part of having chemistry with someone is the fact that you see the world from the same lens so to speak. With most people I just don't find any common ground besides superficial stuff. 

I am wondering "am I this different?". I do believe I am different (too vain to believe otherwise lol) but in a good way. There was ton of chemistry with the girl from the previous job but she was different. Call it quirky or whatever. She was a character, awesome character. Is it chemistry so difficult to find? Or maybe I am too weird and picky? I don't get how most people go from relationship to relationship. Do they have chemistry with everyone? Or they just want to satisfy their practical needs? Or chemistry does not exist in their vocabulary in the first place?

I get I am very specific on what I like in general. I like only a couple of specific programming languages, I like only landscape photography or portraits, I like exercising  in a very specific way, only one type of girl... I don't know, reality does not let me have what I want, it really bothers me....

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4 hours ago, dias said:

but I want to see if I am a person worth spending time with. 

😂 I think you're probably fine!

I know you're not asking me, so sorry for replying, but I think a lot of men think or feel this way when they're picky, that's normal.  My husband wouldn't have told anyone, but he felt lonely for a lonnng time before he met me.  And he said even the moment he saw me at a BBQ, he was completely taken back and couldn't speak to me (not like him).  I didn't even remember him from that first time, but he definitely remembered me.

But he didn't feel like that almost ever.  It was like a once in a lifetime kind of thing.  I think we're really really lucky.

4 hours ago, dias said:

I don't get how most people go from relationship to relationship. Do they have chemistry with everyone? Or they just want to satisfy their practical needs? Or chemistry does not exist in their vocabulary in the first place?

No, Dias, I truly believe most people get into relationships even without much chemistry for some reason.  It's their own reasons I guess.  I don't understand it, either... it makes marriage or relationships appear miserable.

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5 hours ago, dias said:

I am the real me in real life, I am as original as it gets but like everybody else I don't divulge my inner thoughts. I filter what I say like everybody else.

I know. What I'm saying is that that will show through anyway. What people don't say often comes out in their reactions (or lack thereof). Sense of humor is a good example of this. Body language is another. I can also tell a lot about a person by what they don't get offended by. So, even though you don't speak your exact thoughts, people can get a good sense of what you might be thinking, or at least of your feelings on the matter. 

5 hours ago, dias said:

I want to see if I am a person worth spending time with. 

I think you probably are. You seem very interesting, full of color and humor. But the sense that I get from what you post here, is that you tend to keep to yourself. This is probably more the result of your habits than it is the result of your personality.

It's possible that your own preferences for solitude have been changing over the years. Maybe you preferred to be more alone before, but now you want to be less alone. If that's the case, you'll have to recalibrate! It's really that simple.

5 hours ago, dias said:

Is it chemistry so difficult to find? Or maybe I am too weird and picky? I don't get how most people go from relationship to relationship. Do they have chemistry with everyone? Or they just want to satisfy their practical needs? Or chemistry does not exist in their vocabulary in the first place?

I used to ask the same questions. That old song by Ivan Neville used to play through my mind a lot: Why Can't I Fall in Love (it's a good song! The lyrics aren't exactly perfect, but the refrain is catchy).

Anyway, I've thought about these questions a lot (even now, when I am happily in a relationship), and I could give you a million possible answers. But I think the answers that seem right for me are probably different than the answers that will be true for you. 

Bottom line is, I think that it's important to hold out for what you want.

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2 hours ago, Jibralta said:

Bottom line is, I think that it's important to hold out for what you want.

Also: Your wants, needs, and preferences can (and most likely will) change over time.

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2 hours ago, Jibralta said:

I think you probably are. You seem very interesting, full of color and humor. But the sense that I get from what you post here, is that you tend to keep to yourself. This is probably more the result of your habits than it is the result of your personality.

Thank you. Hopefully you don't say it just to be polite 🙂 Yes I tend to keep to myself, most people who know me say the same thing so it is true. I noticed I am becoming more social as I get older. 

12 minutes ago, Jibralta said:

Also: Your wants, needs, and preferences can (and most likely will) change over time.

Yes my needs changed and keep changing but my wants and preferences never changed since I was a child. I know what I like/want. 

I am the type of person who can't compromise (which entails a lot of disappointment) until I find what I want (which might never happen). I love exercise and photography, at least I have found two things I love doing. Problem is, I haven't found what I want career-wise or partner-wise. I want to create a successful business career-wise, this is what I want, I haven't been able to do that yet. Partner-wise I would say I am good alone. I do like women though so I wouldn't mind having a harem lol. Or this girl from my previous job, she counts for countless harems. 

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Posted (edited)

I matched with a Greek girl from Athens on Tinder (she lives in Norwich). She messaged me first which never happened to me before on Tinder so I thought she would be interested for real. We studied at the same uni back in Athens, she came with the exchange program a few years ago and stayed in Norwich since then. Normally I have a rule, I am willing to date every race except Greek, my mother is more than enough, a second Greek woman in my life and I would end up like Leonardo Dicaprio in Shutter Island lol. However, she seemed very very pretty in the photos which made me bend my rule momentarily hahaha. Can't help it, I have a weakness for beauty. 

Anyway, we texted 6 hours straight non-stop. I asked her for a coffee and she replied "Mmm no..". I am like *** we spent 6 hours texting and you messaged me first. Why people are looking for pen pals on Tinder? There are websites for that. Tinder is for "meeting" people online so you can go for a coffee in real life, not for pen palling. 

During the "conversation" we talked about cultural differences, dating etc and she asked me why British girls get a mortgage at 22 and have 3 kids by 26. There is no why, this is the culture here. I don't get it either, they don't want to live a bit without obligations, meet and date more people than their childhood sweetheart? Greeks are on the other extreme but this is a conversation for another time. 

The girl from the previous job has been with her boyfriend (first boyfriend I think) since they were 18 years old, at 23-24 they have a mortgage together. I mean even if the guy is great, how does she know, she has nobody else to compare. She hasn't test-driven me for example, maybe she could have more fun with me lol. 

The example with the ice cream is perfect. There are countless flavors and you stick with the first one you tried by chance your whole life. Even if the first flavor is chocolate, how do you know it's the best since you haven't tried other flavors? And maybe you are crazy and you like Pistachio and not chocolate, how do you know? There is no time to try everything but come on, at least try a few...No curiosity whatsoever?

 

 

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6 hours ago, dias said:

Anyway, we texted 6 hours straight non-stop. I asked her for a coffee and she replied "Mmm no.."

Weird. Maybe she was a catfish.

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Posted (edited)

Fairly accurate (like 70% accurate), as accurate as tarot cards or a psychic lol 

 

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On 4/8/2021 at 9:42 PM, dias said:

I watch the stars and I wonder about the future. I have a gut feeling something significant will happen in the near future. 

It might happen this month. Fingers crossed.

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On 4/25/2021 at 7:48 PM, dias said:

I matched with a Greek girl from Athens on Tinder (she lives in Norwich). She messaged me first which never happened to me before on Tinder so I thought she would be interested for real. We studied at the same uni back in Athens, she came with the exchange program a few years ago and stayed in Norwich since then. Normally I have a rule, I am willing to date every race except Greek, my mother is more than enough, a second Greek woman in my life and I would end up like Leonardo Dicaprio in Shutter Island lol. However, she seemed very very pretty in the photos which made me bend my rule momentarily hahaha. Can't help it, I have a weakness for beauty. 

Anyway, we texted 6 hours straight non-stop. I asked her for a coffee and she replied "Mmm no..". I am like *** we spent 6 hours texting and you messaged me first. Why people are looking for pen pals on Tinder? There are websites for that. Tinder is for "meeting" people online so you can go for a coffee in real life, not for pen palling. 

During the "conversation" we talked about cultural differences, dating etc and she asked me why British girls get a mortgage at 22 and have 3 kids by 26. There is no why, this is the culture here. I don't get it either, they don't want to live a bit without obligations, meet and date more people than their childhood sweetheart? Greeks are on the other extreme but this is a conversation for another time. 

The girl from the previous job has been with her boyfriend (first boyfriend I think) since they were 18 years old, at 23-24 they have a mortgage together. I mean even if the guy is great, how does she know, she has nobody else to compare. She hasn't test-driven me for example, maybe she could have more fun with me lol. 

The example with the ice cream is perfect. There are countless flavors and you stick with the first one you tried by chance your whole life. Even if the first flavor is chocolate, how do you know it's the best since you haven't tried other flavors? And maybe you are crazy and you like Pistachio and not chocolate, how do you know? There is no time to try everything but come on, at least try a few...No curiosity whatsoever?

 

 

Because when you take a breath of air after being underwater so long, you will never doubt oxygen is the thing for you my friend 😉 That to me is what finding true love is like, when you know, you know! 
 

Modern dating culture makes my head spin! Never been on a dating site, I think I am too much of a “real life” kinda gal when it comes to something that relies on so much chemical reaction and body language. How have you been finding the online market? 
 

Any luck with the old school way of, head out to a bar and see who catches your eye?😙

 

Lo x

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On 5/1/2021 at 10:37 AM, mylolita said:

Watching the stars is never a waste Dias! You might even say they look like they watch back.

 

What have you got cookin’ on the back burner this month may I ask? 
 

Lo x

 

Yes they are watching us from above 😊

 

I will tell you if it materializes, I don’t want to jinx it!

 

 

On 5/1/2021 at 10:44 AM, mylolita said:

Because when you take a breath of air after being underwater so long, you will never doubt oxygen is the thing for you my friend 😉 That to me is what finding true love is like, when you know, you know! 

My dear Lolita, what I meant is statistically speaking your first or second partner won’t be the right partner. Most people stay with their childhood sweetheart because of habit or comfort. Maybe it worked for you (or MB) which is great but consider yourself very very lucky. Anyway, I didn’t mean to criticize if you took it that way.

On 5/1/2021 at 10:44 AM, mylolita said:

Modern dating culture makes my head spin! Never been on a dating site, I think I am too much of a “real life” kinda gal when it comes to something that relies on so much chemical reaction and body language. How have you been finding the online market? 
 

Any luck with the old school way of, head out to a bar and see who catches your eye?😙

 

Lo x

Abysmal hahaha.  It rarely works for me. And you would assume Tinder would work a lot because it’s based on the appearance only. My photos were good enough for a photo-shoot but not good enough for girls on Tinder hahahahaha.

 

Cold approaching you mean? I do it now and then for fun but to go out to bars with the purpose of hitting on women is not something I would do now. I did it when I was in my early twenties and it was mostly a waste of time. I don’t care enough to do it now, I don't have the patience to beat the numbers game in the dating scene, I have to do it when it comes to jobs and this is more than enough for me.  I think I will join a meet-up group or a running/tennis club if I stay in Norwich. I emailed the local theater this morning, I might volunteer there if it opened as I have a keen interest in acting.

Hope you are well Lolita. I know you are going through a rough patch now but remember after the rain there is a rainbow 🙂

Oh, I almost forgot. Welcome to my journal Lolita, very glad to have you around 🙂 By the way, I knew a girl, her name was Lola...you knew her too?  😚😚😚

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We had a beautiful morning here in Norwich today, now it's a bit overcast but we got plenty of sunshine in the morning. I woke up around 6:30am, I drank my awesome coffee in the garden watching the sunrise and listening to the birds chirping, I did a bit of work and then at 8 o'clock I hit the gym for two hours. I went for a walk with my housemate after the gym but it was not enough for me so I went for a quick run in the countryside which ended up an hour and twenty minutes due to my over-excitement lol and then I walked for an hour or so again. I arrived back home at 2:30pm and I still want to go out to exercise again. 

I am certain a strong chemical reaction takes place in my brain when I exercise. I feel euphoria lol. If my body could handle it, I would be exercising 10 hours a day. 

I started running again now that my toenails have been almost recuperated since my marathon attempt in December. Oh man I love running in the countryside whilst listening to music. Next level feeling. 

I lose weight pretty quickly when I incorporate running in my daily life because I overdo it lol. I am very lean right now. Like a very lean stick lol. I used this machine in the gym that calculates body fat percentage. I reckoned I would be 11% and I was pretty close. Although last time I checked my height I was 174 cm, maybe the machine is not so accurate after all hahahahahahahahhaha

 

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1 hour ago, dias said:

My dear Lolita, what I meant is statistically speaking your first or second partner won’t be the right partner. Most people stay with their childhood sweetheart because of habit or comfort. Maybe it worked for you (or MB) which is great but consider yourself very very lucky. Anyway, I didn’t mean to criticize if you took it that way.

I don't know Dias... statistically, if a female stays with her first partner, she literally has a 94% success rate, only 6% divorce in those first 1-10 years.

I'm betting that goes up a bit in the years I'm in right now (the REALLY hard babies/young toddlers/husband's career taking off so he's not here as much)... divorce probably goes up to 8-10% in years 10-20, maybe even higher(?), but then I think after a certain point, it goes dramatically back down for couples in this group (who married their 1st everything).  After 25 years I'm sure it goes back down to around 6%, and then after 30 years, probably goes down to 1-3% which is just incredible when you think about those odds being in your favor.

 

Hard to argue with that 94% success rate and happiness reports (sexual happiness).  This group also has less cheating, too.

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Good morning Dias!

 

And no, no not at all! I am a big ridiculous romantic so I feel the urge to stick up for love 🥲 I can understand where you are coming from completely, I get it, and mine and Marital’s situations are quite unusual.

The cold approach, ahhh! So there’s a name now for simply just meeting a woman face to face 😉 I would never advise to trying to get as many numbers or speak to as many as you can. For me going out or looking is all about knowing exactly what you want and knowing when you’ve found it and being extremely picky, if it is a relationship you’re after that is. 
 

I am very unusual I imagine as Marital comes from (I am presuming Marital!) a religious background and in that instance it is much more likely you remain a virgin and settle down very early on. In my little secular world of millennial liberals I am a very strange thing because I know of no one else who has married the first guy they kissed! But! People presume that I took the first thing I was offered, or was so star struck because he was my first everything that I couldn’t possibly of had any clear judgement. And I get that! I can see why people would think that!

 

But I had been on a date before (reluctantly, only one ever in college just due to weakness over peer pressure), and it was God awful! The guy was not interested, all he was interested in was cracking jokes with his mate he brought along, going golf club shopping and trying out his swing or whatever they call it and then at the end kind of forcefully trying to get in my knickers! Didn’t go well! Before then at 16 I had actually had a marriage proposal from the only other guy I knew so young who seemed to have a genuine infatuation with me over a few years of school. He was a very passionate kinda guy who’s father had died when he was young and he was also the class clown. I think on some level of personality we were probably well matched but he was insanely brooding and there was a side of him that was very dark to me so, that never came of anything and he never forgave me and pretended he didn’t even know my name after that.

 

What I guess I’m trying to say is, I’d made up my mind that I wouldn’t just date or hook up casually, that the person I decided to be serious about I would want to marry (I never told any guy this it was just an unspoken idea in my head), and, at 18 I think I got lucky. Some people would say that is old and at the time it seemed like a lifetime to wait but I can’t help but tell you, it felt like a sure thing right from the moment he laid eyes on me and I just knew!

 

I always presumed this was all a tall order I had set myself so I resigned my future to probably being eternally single, maybe renting a little cottage in the middle of the countryside to be alone, maybe being able to buy a secondhand vintage car, maybe writing, maybe doing all sorts of odds and ends for work I don’t know but I did realise it was a big, big ask. I was prepared to go down with the ship if I couldn’t find what I wanted 🤣 

In an alternative universe, I am a 31 year old virgin messaging you here from a moss covered hovel that should belong in a Beatrix Potter story! 
 

Dias! Don’t sell yourself short and don’t give up the chase! I wish you all the best of luck whatever you are after. I know not everyone wants marriage and kids and a white picket fence so y’know, if it’s just a couple of amazing dates and that is your goal then I honestly hope you all success ☺️
 

And well done in your hard work exercise wise - my God! I wish I was into running! HA! You seem very driven, once you get into something, I get the impression you are like that in regards to your work as well? What do you do, can I ask? 
 

Your morning sounds perfect! 
 

And ahh, if you did, I never knew her! My real name isn’t Lolita. No, I’m far too outstanding and important to reveal anything about my real identity 😉 Lolita is a pseudonym. 
 

“She was Lo, plain Lo, in the morning, standing four feet ten in one sock. She was Lola in slacks. She was Dolly at school. She was Dolores on the dotted line. But in my arms she was always Lolita.”

Vladimir Nabokov, Lolita

x

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13 hours ago, maritalbliss86 said:

I don't know Dias... statistically, if a female stays with her first partner, she literally has a 94% success rate, only 6% divorce in those first 1-10 years.

I'm betting that goes up a bit in the years I'm in right now (the REALLY hard babies/young toddlers/husband's career taking off so he's not here as much)... divorce probably goes up to 8-10% in years 10-20, maybe even higher(?), but then I think after a certain point, it goes dramatically back down for couples in this group (who married their 1st everything).  After 25 years I'm sure it goes back down to around 6%, and then after 30 years, probably goes down to 1-3% which is just incredible when you think about those odds being in your favor.

 

Hard to argue with that 94% success rate and happiness reports (sexual happiness).  This group also has less cheating, too.

This is very interesting Marital!

 

I would be curious what portion people of religious faith make up the 94%. My gut feeling is the majority! 
 

Lo x

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6 hours ago, mylolita said:

This is very interesting Marital!

 

I would be curious what portion people of religious faith make up the 94%. My gut feeling is the majority! 
 

Lo x

Most religious/Christian women still have quite a few partners, but there were a few of us who did what I did.

Ironically, we're the ones who were more wild and passionate about love, which is just really odd when you think about that.

I hated hated hated dating...  and by the time I was engaged to my husband, I had had a  lot of dates, from allllll kinds of men, even older men.  I even had a young professor who had a crush on me (which rightfully scared me!)... so it is not at all that I, "settled," for the first thing (LOL) with my husband, even though it could look that way online because you weren't there.  But I was really social, very extroverted, especially in college and I had one guy (that was cute) literally following me around and I'd have to hide in the library sometimes to get away.

My husband also would make sure he'd position himself in a certain hallway, just so he could see me walk by (he told me after we were together).  

So I felt almost hunted or something when dating.  And the men that I did date, sometimes, were very obsessive.  (Edited to add - I also dated lots of different kinds of men, which was nice because it helped me know what I liked...  I even dated an Atheist, and I really liked him, but ended it since it would never have worked out.  But I definitely never felt like I had settled for the, "first thing,").

I remember feeling once married, that it was just so much relief.  Marriage feels soooo much better than dating, so I think that was also why I decided to jump in early as possible.

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On 5/3/2021 at 7:37 AM, mylolita said:

But! People presume that I took the first thing I was offered, or was so star struck because he was my first everything that I couldn’t possibly of had any clear judgement. And I get that! I can see why people would think that!

 

19 hours ago, maritalbliss86 said:

so it is not at all that I, "settled," for the first thing (LOL) with my husband, even though it could look that way online because you weren't there. 

I didn't mean you married the first guy you met because you couldn't find any better. It's easy to have high standards, it's difficult to find the person who satisfies these standards (and likes you back apparently). 

If you have 1% chance of succeeding in an experiment, you might get it right the first time, you might get it right the 10th time, you might get it right the 100th time. It's completely different getting it right during the first few tries and getting it right the 100th time. Every try entails risk, effort and frustration in real life. MB when you say you hated dating, imagine if you had to date 500 people to find what you wanted and not 10 people let's say. And you are a woman, you don't even have to try chasing and whatnot. 

And the example above is not even realistic. The numbers game is a fallacy. When you roll a dice the chances of getting a six is 1/6 but this does not mean that rolling the dice 6 times you will eventually get a six as the numbers game suggests. The reason is, every time you are rolling the dice, it is an independent try and not related to past tries. So yes, you have 1/6 probability to get a six but you can be rolling the dice forever and not getting a six. It's the same with dating, many people will never find what they are looking for. And I am not saying this to be pessimistic or anything because I am not, it's the reality. 

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On 5/3/2021 at 7:39 AM, mylolita said:

I would be curious what portion people of religious faith make up the 94%. My gut feeling is the majority! 

Also, success rate does not mean a happy marriage. 

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On 5/3/2021 at 7:37 AM, mylolita said:

 Dias! Don’t sell yourself short and don’t give up the chase! I wish you all the best of luck whatever you are after. I know not everyone wants marriage and kids and a white picket fence so y’know, if it’s just a couple of amazing dates and that is your goal then I honestly hope you all success

 

Thanks Lolita 🙂

 

On 5/3/2021 at 7:37 AM, mylolita said:

And well done in your hard work exercise wise - my God! I wish I was into running! HA! You seem very driven, once you get into something, I get the impression you are like that in regards to your work as well? What do you do, can I ask? 

Thanks! I am driven only when I am intrigued or interested in something. Otherwise I am very lazy lol

I am a Software/Data Engineer. When I finished high school, I had big plans. I had booked an interview for an entry level porn acting position. Unfortunately, I took the wrong turn along the way and instead of entering the studio I entered the university, and even worse, the computer science department. We all make mistakes 🙂

 

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