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Girlfriend has IBS, help!


Jensy
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Hi, my gf of 2 years has IBS and it’s getting worse. 
Has anyone had experience dating some one with IBS? Does it get any better.

We have a good connection but at times we don’t. She’s only had one very long term relationship before me which sounded a bit strange, she has old habits that don’t sit well with me along with having no social circle.

A lot of this is down to her IBS and makes the relationship hard, I want to travel, have weekends away and generally just go out and have fun but I’m not sure she will be able to do the things I really want to do. She’s trying to get help for it but it doesn’t get better and I don’t think she can help her self, I’m feeling a bit stuck.

Edited by Jensy
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  • Jensy changed the title to Girlfriend has IBS, help!

I have IBS. There are prescription meds and Metamucil. If it is worse she needs to see her dr. 
Avoid nuts and big amounts of raw veggies. Sometimes it is hit and miss as to what causes it to flare. For me definitely nuts . 
I have travelled and lots of weekends away. 
She needs to see her doctor there is help. 

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I have an intestinal disorder. One thing that is absolutely critical for me is access to a bathroom. If my digestive system decides to act up I have to be able to get to a bathroom quickly. So, no camping out in the middle of nowhere for days on end for me.

And I have to be careful what I eat. She must know her triggers and avoid them as much as possible.

And finally, as the others said, she must be under the regular care of a doctor.

She can live a full life as long as she takes care of herself.

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3 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

I have an intestinal disorder. One thing that is absolutely critical for me is access to a bathroom. If my digestive system decides to act up I have to be able to get to a bathroom quickly. So, no camping out in the middle of nowhere for days on end for me.

And I have to be careful what I eat. She must know her triggers and avoid them as much as possible.

And finally, as the others said, she must be under the regular care of a doctor.

She can live a full life as long as she takes care of herself.

Fat does a number on me.   Maybe that is a good thing, as I have to stay away it. 

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4 hours ago, boltnrun said:

I have an intestinal disorder. One thing that is absolutely critical for me is access to a bathroom. If my digestive system decides to act up I have to be able to get to a bathroom quickly. So, no camping out in the middle of nowhere for days on end for me.

And I have to be careful what I eat. She must know her triggers and avoid them as much as possible.

And finally, as the others said, she must be under the regular care of a doctor.

She can live a full life as long as she takes care of herself.

It’s the opposite to her, not being able to go to the toilet or constipation which leads to worse side effects 

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5 hours ago, Hollyj said:

Has she seen a doctor?   I know that stress exacerbates the situation.  Makes mine worse.  

She’s seen a doctor and dietician, but is in the process of getting more tests done which is good. BUT I just don’t know if it will get better, it’s down to the mind set and being positive about trying different things not being negative or taking it out on other people, or if we’re away in holiday and this same thing happends, we’re both stuck may as well not have gone anywhere!

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9 hours ago, Jensy said:

she has old habits that don’t sit well with me along with having no social circle.

 I want to travel, have weekends away and generally just go out and have fun 

You're wholly and completely incompatible on so many levels that you don't have to blame her medical problems on why you don't get along.

You're not "stuck"at all. You should have ended it long ago, not because her medical issues are in the way, but because you have nothing in common and the resentments are building and eroding everything.

Rather than continuing to coast along complacently and seethe with resentment that she's putting a damper on your lifestyle and fun, have the courage to end it.

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1 hour ago, Wiseman2 said:

You're wholly and completely incompatible on so many levels that you don't have to blame her medical problems on why you don't get along.

You're not "stuck"at all. You should have ended it long ago, not because her medical issues are in the way, but because you have nothing in common and the resentments are building and eroding everything.

Rather than continuing to coast along complacently and seethe with resentment that she's putting a damper on your lifestyle and fun, have the courage to end it.

Wiseman we have a lot in common but ibs is ibs and once that takes over the person completely changes

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1 hour ago, Wiseman2 said:

Ok, same advice. You need to end it because you resent it.

I don’t resent it, when some one is going through a bought of ibs they become angry, annoyed, negative and it’s up to me whether I want to keep dealing with that, I don’t resent anyone or anything it is what it is, depends how I want to live my life to find another partner that aligns to me 

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She needs to follow her doctor's advice regarding her condition because it will help her deal with the disease better, not to accommodate your need for fun.

You do resent her. Your posts about her condition seethe with resentment.

She has a disease (as do I). She will have this illness in some form forever.  If you want someone who is completely free to have fun weekend trips you will need to find someone without a chronic medical condition who won't spoil it for you.

Edited by boltnrun
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So what advice are you really looking for? You looking for conformation you should breakup? You don't need any reason to do that. Relationships can just run their course, and you fall out of love naturally without cause. You can walk away on your own free will, you have no obligation to her. Have a think, and then take a course of action.

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1 hour ago, boltnrun said:

She needs to follow her doctor's advice regarding her condition because it will help her deal with the disease better, not to accommodate your need for fun.

You do resent her. Your posts about her condition seethe with resentment.

She has a disease (as do I). She will have this illness in some form forever.  If you want someone who is completely free to have fun weekend trips you will need to find someone without a chronic medical condition who won't spoil it for you.

Honestly I don’t resent anyone as I said, if some one is happy having there holiday or weekend ruined then that’s up to them. I know it can’t be helped at times which is why I don’t resent her and I am happy in my self. I am the one always being a comforter, being a listener, having to deal with anxiety attacks and panic attacks when yes what I would like is just to go out and not worry about any of these things. Not all couples even argue and I mean ever! But ibs will cause arguments for arguments sake! I would have done nothing wrong but there is a issue I have to resolve and make her see clearly 

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13 minutes ago, Jensy said:

Honestly I don’t resent anyone as I said, if some one is happy having there holiday or weekend ruined then that’s up to them. I know it can’t be helped at times which is why I don’t resent her and I am happy in my self. I am the one always being a comforter, being a listener, having to deal with anxiety attacks and panic attacks when yes what I would like is just to go out and not worry about any of these things. Not all couples even argue and I mean ever! But ibs will cause arguments for arguments sake! I would have done nothing wrong but there is a issue I have to resolve and make her see clearly 

Why do you choose to be in a relationship with someone who is using you as their punching bag? This behavior isn't about IBS, but her personality and the fact that you stick around to enable that. 

Anyway, IBS is a chronic condition, so these issues are never going to go away.

Focusing on IBS is really over complicating what at the core is a simple and very common relationship  issue of compatibility - your lifestyle goals and desires as well as temperaments don't actually match up. That's why we date, to figure this stuff out and when you realize that things are not working or matching, you part ways.

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38 minutes ago, Jensy said:

Honestly I don’t resent anyone as I said, if some one is happy having there holiday or weekend ruined then that’s up to them. I know it can’t be helped at times which is why I don’t resent her and I am happy in my self. I am the one always being a comforter, being a listener, having to deal with anxiety attacks and panic attacks when yes what I would like is just to go out and not worry about any of these things. Not all couples even argue and I mean ever! But ibs will cause arguments for arguments sake! I would have done nothing wrong but there is a issue I have to resolve and make her see clearly 

I don't understand why you continue with her. Her behavior is inexcusable .  I don't care how she feels, it is not an excuse to take it out on you. Like Dancing said, this is about her, not the disease.  Do you usually allow people to treat you badly?

Stop being a doormat!  Time to find someone who will treat you with love and respect.

Edited by Hollyj
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I don’t use my husband as an emotional punching bag because I have IBS. I am REAL bad as I get older . I just tell him if he is driving I have to find a bathroom PRONTO as in last week. That isn’t abusing anyone. 

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1 hour ago, Jensy said:

But ibs will cause arguments for arguments sake! I would have done nothing wrong but there is a issue I have to resolve and make her see clearly 

Have you considered that you're simply incompatible? 

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I don't think I have IBS but I have stomach issues and one of my best friends has IBS so I understand about the bathroom, etc.  I also don't do rollercoasters (related to the stomach issues, sort of) and my husband does so in that way if he wants to do rollercoasters I'll come to the amusement park and now he and my son go, or he goes with his friends.  But I do my utmost not to let my digestive issues hamper our vacations.  Sometimes I don't eat the same food as him and my son, but I have natural and medicinal ways to deal with it and I'm careful not to get "hangry".  Vacations can sometimes be challenging for me food-wise but my goal is to travel and explore and make the best of it.  

This sounds like "more" than IBS issues.

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I have pretty severe IBS and I'm honestly confused by this post. I think you are both incompatible (and I'm sorry if that comes off as harsh!) It's never been a factor in any sort of my relationships (friendship or romantic.) She can follow a dietary plan and see a gastro-doctor. But..yeah I mean stuff happens in life if this is how she responds to negatives or stress thats the biggest red flag.

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1 hour ago, Hollyj said:

What has she done to reduce stress?

Medical professionals in the past said stress doesn’t affect this but that is full of crap pardon the pun. Stress affects EVERYTHING. 
 

I agree reducing stress at least reduces IBS-D. 

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