Jump to content

Should I be concerned about my boyfriend DMing other women on Instagram given his other actions in the past and some present?


Recommended Posts

17 hours ago, Blue68 said:

 

 

17 hours ago, Blue68 said:

At that point? Flilrty? No, but that isn't the point. Why is he messaging random women in the first place? What is the point?  At the very least, he is hoping it will get flirty.  At worst, they would meet and hook up.  

These messages sound like the conversation two people would have who have just connected through some kind of dating app. The chances are she thinks he is single and looking to meet someone.  She said they are not too far apart so is it's not hard to assume that whilst she might be innocently trying to meet a single man, he is trying to connect with women to possibly hook up with them.  Even if he isn't and he's just after attention, it is still not okay.

No I definitely agree, thank you for answering my confusion regarding that. I wasn't sure because in the beginning he said heyy with 2 ys and a 😋 emoji which to me seemed odd if it's just a causal not sexual encounter. To be honest I do think this incident despite being a year ago and being a short conversion
It did damage my trust a little bit. I'll think about what might be the best approach to this. Like I said we live together, I'm in college, we've been together for a long time now & so I need to make the best of things. He does seem sincere in his apology but he still needs to do some relationship therapy with me and find what bugs we have to fix.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

6 hours ago, indea08 said:

So, little bit of a different take here. I agree with blue castle, that the foul isn’t necessarily his comments or messages, it’s more the way that those things make you feel.

For example, my husband will sometimes make comments about a woman who’s got a nice butt. We both work out fairly regularly and it’s HARD to get that nice perky booty. It takes dedication, hours in the gym, and commitment to healthy eating. If I ever make it to that point, after all the work I’ve put in, I sure hope someone tells me my butt looks fantastic lol. He may even say “aren’t you excited to look like that, just a few more months and you’ll be there.” So to me, not a comment that makes me feel any less than, it’s more of recognition, a high five, for all the work she’s done to get that butt. But that’s not the case for you. Your boyfriend’s comments do make you feel bad, and that’s okay, it’s great that you were direct with him and told him so! It sounds like he was receptive and heard you, genuinely felt bad, and will try to do better...right?

As far as the models, idk, I guess it’s kind of sleazy to be liking their pictures and messaging. To those models, it’s a job. They have to build a brand and create connections with people to get followers. The messages from your boyfriend were not flirty, and they were from a year ago (I think, timeline isn’t real clear). I think I’d probably let that go, pick my battles. But it seems to be something that hurts you emotionally, and again, it sounds like he was receptive to you and apologized. If I were him, I would’ve deleted the messages too. They were old, he likely didn’t feel like arguing about something from long ago that was so minute to him, and they obviously upset you.

I think you’ve done the best thing and had an honest conversation with your boyfriend. All you can do now is see if he’s able to make the changes to make you feel secure, loved, and desired, and if those changes will last. Keep your eyes open, keep working on yourself, and I really hope he takes your words to heart and works to be a better partner for you!

Thank you for your reply, yes I hope so too. As far as the whole incident, it happened 1 year ago but I had only found out about the messages now. I don't think shes a model, shes just a fit woman in the military and she doesn't live far which is why it raised more suspicion. I get where you are coming from about picking battles, I dont want to push him away over something small either especially if he's willing to build back and be sincere about it. I think perhaps some couples therapy might be what we need. I want to understand why it happened so that we can be a stronger couple.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

17 hours ago, Blue68 said:

 

By upfront I mean more communication and not being passive if something bothers me.

If he fulfills his promise on building back the relationship then I will be more comfortable. Obviously what he did damage my trust a little bit and I'm acknowledging that. I agree he probably got rid of it just end any more discussion about it which frustrates me. He's just trying prevent an argument or maybe to some degree feels guilty about it. Eirher way, his actions will speak loud and I will take action myself accordingly if it happens.

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

10 hours ago, Restorativbalence said:

By upfront I mean more communication and not being passive if something bothers me.

If he fulfills his promise on building back the relationship then I will be more comfortable. Obviously what he did damage my trust a little bit and I'm acknowledging that. I agree he probably got rid of it just end any more discussion about it which frustrates me. He's just trying prevent an argument or maybe to some degree feels guilty about it. Eirher way, his actions will speak loud and I will take action myself accordingly if it happens.

 

Sounds like you’ve got a pretty good grasp, and an open mind. I’m sure you guys will work through this. And if his actions aren’t up to par, then you know your little voice inside was right! I hope he rises to the challenge.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...