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Girl is not ready for a serious relationship after a big break up


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Hi,

I met with a girl who broke up with a guy a few years ago while she was engaged. She was refusing to talk to other guys and saying she is not ready for a serious relationship but she accepted to speak to me to get to know each other. She had a good reference about me from her family and friends. 
 

Everything went well first week, she was engaged and writing me back long messages. However, I thought she was losing interest and I was very passionate to get to know her and I felt like she is the right person so I told her that I’m thinking serious about this relationship and would like to have a long term happy relationship. 
 

She said that this message was very heavy for her and she hasn’t thought about a relationship for a long time. We messaged each other a few more days and then she said she is not ready to commit a relationship and she doesn’t think that this will lead more than a friendship and she doesn’t want to give me hope. 
 

I really want to get to know her as I feel like she is the right person. What do you guys think I should do? Do you think she is really not ready or she doesn’t like me? Thank you in advance

Edited by Alone Kangaroo
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She's not interested romantically and she might be turned off that you didn't understand that from the beginning. She was just being friendly. 

Don't beat yourself up over this. Aggressiveness or pushiness is not confidence so don't mix those. Remain respectful of what she's saying and don't pursue her anymore. Always respect what the other person is saying. 

 

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30 minutes ago, Alone Kangaroo said:

Everything went well first week, she was engaged and writing me back long messages. However, I thought she was losing interest and I was very passionate to get to know her and I felt like she is the right person so I told her that I’m thinking serious about this relationship and would like to have a long term happy relationship. 

To clarify, did you tell her all this before even meeting her in person?

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32 minutes ago, Alone Kangaroo said:

She had a good reference about me from her family and friends. 

Is this for the purpose of an arranged marriage? Have you met in person?

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We have seen each other many times but didn’t speak much before.
 

After she broke up with her ex, she moved to another city so I hadn’t seen her in person when we began talking.
 

I wouldn’t call it an arrange marriage but families were encouraging us as they know her and me. 

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Ignore what your families are saying. I can see why this is discouraging and confusing for you. There are only two individuals here - her and you. Continue respecting her wishes and don't push this any further. 

 

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58 minutes ago, Alone Kangaroo said:

not ready for a serious relationship

 

59 minutes ago, Alone Kangaroo said:

felt like she is the right person so I told her that I’m thinking serious about this relationship and would like to have a long term happy relationship. 

These two statements showcase that you two presently have opposite relationship goals. That should be a dealbreaker. When someone puts a barrier up from the get-go, move on. You will be wasting time while actual candidates for a good life partner pass you by. Don't even stay as friends. It won't last when either of you gets a partner, and will keep hope alive when it shouldn't be.

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I think you are pushing too hard and she has backed off.  When someone says they are not ready for a relationship, you need to believe them.  You cant push yourself into her life if she doesn't want  you to.

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1 hour ago, Alone Kangaroo said:

she said she is not ready to commit a relationship and she doesn’t think that this will lead more than a friendship and she doesn’t want to give me hope. 
 

 

I don't know why you would disregard what she just told you.

Telling someone you aren't interested in them romantically isn't an easy thing to do.  To plow forward disregarding what she clearly stated would feel disrespectful.  Don't do it.

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2 hours ago, Alone Kangaroo said:

She was refusing to talk to other guys and saying she is not ready for a serious relationship but she accepted to speak to me to get to know each other.

 

2 hours ago, Alone Kangaroo said:

, I thought she was losing interest and I was very passionate to get to know her and I felt like she is the right person so I told her that I’m thinking serious about this relationship and would like to have a long term happy relationship. 

You know 'her state',, If you cannot accept that she does not want anymore than a friendship, then leave her be.

 

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Why are you refusing to listen to what she is saying.  Do you think she does not know her own mind?   She is not interested in you!

Edited by Hollyj
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5 hours ago, Alone Kangaroo said:

We have seen each other many times but didn’t speak much before.
 

After she broke up with her ex, she moved to another city so I hadn’t seen her in person when we began talking. 

So you've never been on a date with her?

I think you got really carried away, in that case. You're telling her you're excited about a relationship when you two have never actually gone out in any romantic capacity. You put the cart before the horse here. 

She is trying to politely turn you down. Despite how you feel, she doesn't recipricate your interest. Best to move on from this one. 

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