Historic guilty feelings

[Monmouth]

I lived in Australia & I had been to visit my sister & my mum in England in 1994(who was in a nursing home suffering dementia). After having a couple of visits to see mum I had a falling out with my sister & her husband & I was asked to leave their house where I was staying. I had to ask a friend to put me up for a couple of weeks. During the time at my friends I neglected to visit my mum (something I cannot understand or forgive) until the last week before I had to fly back. I was out with friends most of the time & I don't know what I was thinking. I rang my sister to see if she would pick me up to go & visit mum but she said no & I got a cab instead. I saw my mum & I was very upset at what I'd done & I broke down in tears outside the nursing home. When I got back to Australia I phoned the nursing home every two weeks to chat to mum & I told her how sorry I was & that I loved her. She forgave me & said she knew that I loved her. After a while her dementia got worse & I used to ring & speak to her carer to ask how mum was. By this time my sister in England (I have two older sisters who live abroad) would not speak to me or answer my letters. The day mum died I got a phone call from my sister & of course she was very upset & her husband had a real go at me about the funeral costs. I got a bank loan & sent them a cheque to cover the costs. My sister rang me back & we made up & we were close until she herself passed away in 2008.

Anyway it was Mother's day last week & all this came flooding back to me & I feel so much guilt about this & all the other rotten things I put my mum through. I'm not a bad person but I'd been selfish & thoughtless on quite a few occasions in the past. Hopefully I'm a better person now.

Sorry I just wanted to get this off my chest!!

[Rose Mosse]

I'm glad you can write it out and sorry for the loss of your mum and sister. You did see your mum when you were last there so don't be so hard on yourself. Of course she knows you love her. She's your mother. 

Are there things you can do to remember her by? I lost my mum also and she was a greenthumb. When I'm messing about outside or with my plants or in the garden I think about her quite often. She was a prolific grower and I learned a lot from her.

Hugs. 

[SooSad33]

6 hours ago, Monmouth said:

until the last week before I had to fly back. I was out with friends most of the time & I don't know what I was thinking. I rang my sister to see if she would pick me up to go & visit mum but she said no & I got a cab instead. I saw my mum & I was very upset at what I'd done & I broke down in tears outside the nursing home. When I got back to Australia I phoned the nursing home every two weeks to chat to mum & I told her how sorry I was & that I loved her. She forgave me & said she knew that I loved her.

It's okay that you did other things as well while you were there.

You did make the effort of seeing her and calling her. So, you kept contact.

This is a very sad disease to witness.. but your mom knew ❤️ .. you loved her . 🙂

You need to try & accept all you did was okay.

Am sorry for your loss.

[Monmouth]

9 hours ago, SooSad33 said:

It's okay that you did other things as well while you were there.

You did make the effort of seeing her and calling her. So, you kept contact.

This is a very sad disease to witness.. but your mom knew ❤️ .. you loved her . 🙂

You need to try & accept all you did was okay.

Am sorry for your loss.

Thank you!

[Monmouth]

13 hours ago, Rose Mosse said:

I'm glad you can write it out and sorry for the loss of your mum and sister. You did see your mum when you were last there so don't be so hard on yourself. Of course she knows you love her. She's your mother. 

Are there things you can do to remember her by? I lost my mum also and she was a greenthumb. When I'm messing about outside or with my plants or in the garden I think about her quite often. She was a prolific grower and I learned a lot from her.

Hugs. 

Thank you Rose!

[Hollyj]

I'm sorry about the loss of your mom and sister.  

I have feelings of guilt with my grandmother and not making her more of a priority in her final years.  I do have regret.  Big loss for me.    I lost both my brother and father and have no regrets, as I feel that I did the best I could do for both of them.  

You did make an effort by visiting, reaching out and helping with expenses.   

It is time to forgive yourself and be present for your loved ones.

[catfeeder]

My heart goes out to you.

You mended the bond with your sister, and she's the one who was angry.

I'm sorry for your losses, and it might be helpful to consider them with you now in ways that the distance prevented before.

Head high, and embrace your life and your love.

[Monmouth]

19 hours ago, catfeeder said:

My heart goes out to you.

You mended the bond with your sister, and she's the one who was angry.

I'm sorry for your losses, and it might be helpful to consider them with you now in ways that the distance prevented before.

Head high, and embrace your life and your love.

Thank you!

[Monmouth]

On 3/18/2021 at 10:57 PM, Hollyj said:

I'm sorry about the loss of your mom and sister.  

I have feelings of guilt with my grandmother and not making her more of a priority in her final years.  I do have regret.  Big loss for me.    I lost both my brother and father and have no regrets, as I feel that I did the best I could do for both of them.  

You did make an effort by visiting, reaching out and helping with expenses.   

It is time to forgive yourself and be present for your loved ones.

Thank you!