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so... I was in a 7 year relationship with  loyal and trustworthy man. He was very hard working and we were perfect. We broke up over nothing serious which lead him to become someone who I didn't even know.

Becoming addicted to drugs and alcohol and being around bad influencers. Especially ones who would love to see my partner away from me.

We got back together and i found out he slept with someone else during that 6 month period of being apart.

I'm really struggling to get my head around it now we are trying to work on things. He did go phychotic over losing me and believing there was no way back.

Will I ever get over the favt that he slept with someone else.

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What?!? How are you trying to spin this to be that he was so broken and so lost over you that he went to do all these crazy things? That's not realistic.

More than likely, he behaved himself all those years because he knew you wouldn't deal with it, but the yearning to do that was always there.

You were no longer around, so he went and did all the things he had been waiting to do.

No one just "suddenly" starts using drugs, not even those that are heartbroken or highly stressed.

You have to have a certain type or personality to pick up drugs and use them.

It's like when you starve a kid from not having candy for years and then suddenly let him loose in a candy store, he will run wild.

This man showed more of his true colors.

He's not this poor, lost soul like you think he is. He made these choices, he wanted the drugs and the loose women.

Breaking up with you just gave him the opportunity.

Stop making it into some kind of fairytale and see him for who he really is...someone who uses drugs and doesn't mind sleeping around.

That's not going to go away.

Edited by SherrySher
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32 minutes ago, megb1998 said:

. We broke up over nothing serious 

Becoming addicted to drugs and alcohol 

 he slept with someone else

Sorry this happened. You need to get tested for STDs since he's a drug addict and slept around.

Breaking up over drug and alcohol abuse is a good thing.

Delete and block him and all his people from ALL your social media and messaging apps.

Get to the doctor about STDS and a referral to a therapist for ongoing support.

Check out  Al-Anon online for support for being with an alcohol and drug abuser.

 

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I think there are a few step missing from this storyline. 

How did he go from loyal and hardworking to drug addict?

People rarely go from zero to 100 like that without anything in between. Was he using before you two broke up?

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Is he working on becoming clean/sober? The drugs or alcohol abuse is more worrying than him sleeping with someone else. Giving him money or supporting someone's drug habit is enabling so don't do that anymore if you care about him. He needs to get out of that cycle. 

Do you have family close by or are you isolated or alone? Do you both have kids together?

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10 hours ago, megb1998 said:

I was in a 7 year relationship with  loyal and trustworthy man. He was very hard working and we were perfect. We broke up over nothing serious which lead him to become someone who I didn't even know.

- Yeah, BU's can do that, especially if that person feels so lost 😞 

But what he did or you did, while apart means nothing... you were not together at that time.  Did you expect him to sit around & wait?  When you were the one who walked away.

But, take this fact into consideration, often, after the first BU, a second usually occurs again, due to things like this.

- The initial BU

- Hard feelings from the BU 

- Are what caused the BU fixed?

So, this may never be the same as first time you two were involved, especially now, that you are affected by his actions...

 

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ok I think I'm going to take a little bit of a different take here. People act irrationally when they're sad. If he really thought he lost you, the love of his life, he probably made some choice he wasn't proud of. He could have had sex with someone in a last attempt to get over you.

What REALLY matters is what he's doing now. It doesn't matter what he did when you weren't together (unless he was truly just sleeping with everyone and their neighbor). 

Is he coming in with commitment? Is he focused on going to therapy? What steps is he putting in place to make sure this doesn't happen again?

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On 3/16/2021 at 3:36 AM, megb1998 said:

Will I ever get over the favt that he slept with someone else.

You get to decide that, but it's missing the point.

You describe the guy as addicted to drugs and alcohol.

So where, exactly, do you envision this relationship going?

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