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How can I overcome my need for romantic affection?


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Tips on dealing with sudden needs of romantic affection

I’m 23 (M) and have been single my whole life. I don’t see it as something negative or something I should dwell on. I love my job, enjoy hanging out with my friends and spend my free time reading books I really enjoy. I consider myself very happy and fortunate to be where I am.

 

However, there are moments where I can’t help wanting romantic gestures of affection.

 

What do I mean?

 

Being held in a loving, nurturing way by a woman I love and loves me.

 

Not the kind of love you get from a parent or a friend, but that feminine touch that makes us float and intoxicated with happiness and gets our soft side smiling uncontrollably.

 

Is there any way I can satisfy that need other than my imagination? (Which, I have to admit, feels pretty good)

 

Hookers don’t work and are way too expensive.

 

I don’t really know any emotionally/sexually available women, and I’ve tried online dating only to find a plethora of women selling nudes. Either that or I simply don’t find them attractive, interesting or physically close enough.

 

On top of that, the pandemic has everyone very scared, thus most girls are (understandably) unwilling to meet with a stranger or go out at all. 

 

I’ve asked my female friends to introduce me to someone.

 

This has had two results:

Their friends don’t want to meet with a stranger because of Covid

Or my friends simply tell me they have no one to introduce me to. (I sense a bit of untruthfulness when they say that, but I don’t insist because they have every right to not want to go through the hassle of getting two people together and the potential aftermath that could unravel If things went sideways).

Any suggestions, insights, anecdotes, etc would be appreciated. Even if you read this, thank you :)

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Join groups that are of interest to you.  If you like sports, art, cooking, fishing, reading...there are groups for all sorts of interests.  Join Facebook groups in your area to get started.  There's no better conversation starter than a similar or same interest or hobby.

And be patient.  You won't find romantic love in the first few weeks!  But your chances are greater when you put yourself out there.

Good luck.

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You don't need to overcome it because it is perfectly normal and healthy to desire those things.  I would say though if these desires distract you from your life like an obsession then it could be a problem.

  I have been single a while now and I very much miss what you speak of but I don't think I need to overcome them or find a way to quell them.  I accept that it would be awesome to have that in my life again and look forward to the day it does happen. 

  I agree that you should explore your interests in a more community type of setting.  The pandemic will be over soon-ish but it will be different out there for meet up groups, dating, fix ups and all the rest.  In the meantime what are some things you would like to improve about yourself to be more attractive to women in general?   This desire you have could be a great motivator don't you think?

Lost

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It's fine to want these things. Some of us want companionship and others more serious relationships. I want to eat ice cream at 8 am this morning but I'm not going to because it's not the best idea. Good for you for putting things in perspective and giving it some thought. 

I'd also encourage you to meet like-minded at local interest groups or online meet ups. Do research on local organizations that interest you. I think it's so much more fulfilling meeting people this way. Good luck.

 

Edited by Rose Mosse
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There' s a big difference between a desire and a goal versus a focus on drilling yourself into a deeper hole to climb out of.

Timing has a lot to do with how reasonable and attainable your goal may be. You've already encountered some resistance due to the Covid, and that's a level playing field for everyone.

So this may be the time to consider what you can do to internally satisfy your own needs.

Once you can learn how to 'self-soothe' to the degree that you're not overly needy of others, you'll have the focus and discipline to screen future dates before creating an investment in them.

This gives you an upper hand in choosing your dates wisely, because you'll feel confident in your foundational solo status.

That's a big plus, because from there, any relationships you choose to engage will be based on a person's ability to help lift you UP rather than a needy desire to settle for anyone who will date you.

Head high, and focus on your resilience.

 

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  • 1 month later...
Posted (edited)

I've set up many many people over the last 40 years.  It often takes a lot of effort even when I don't want to be involved in what happens after.  Unless you make it clear to your friends in some way that you are interested in a potentially serious relationship I'm not sure many of them will want to invest the effort in introducing you to single women.  It's not because it might not work out.  I also think if you just want "romantic gestures of affection" and are not interested in getting to know the person you're going to severely limit your dating pool.  How you describe it sounds self-absorbed -it's a way you want to feel and be -nothing to do with wanting to enhance someone else's life, get to know what makes her tick, her goals, dreams, etc. 

Also ask men as well to introduce you not just women.

Agree totally with volunteer work, meet ups -and specifically, think about working backstage at a community theater -many happy couples meet that way.

Edited by Batya33
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