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Tempted to go to massage parlours


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Hi. 

I am married man. I love my wife very much. But I feel very much tempted to go to erotic massage parlours. My self and my wife have sex once in three months. Is this the reason for my temptation? 

I look forward for your thoughts. 

Thanks 

Bioboss

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Instead of that, why don't you consider what is causing such a dramatic drop of intimacy within your marriage?

And then try to fix it all.  That is a healthy part of a couple's relation.

Edited by SooSad33
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Without more info we can't help you.

Has there been a sudden drop in intimacy? (not just intercourse)

How often would your wife prefer to have sex?  How often would you?

How long have you been together?

Lastly what do you think some stranger is going to do to make you feel better about the fact you only have sex 4 times a year with your wife?

Lost

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5 hours ago, Bioboss said:

 I feel very much tempted to go to erotic massage parlours. My self and my wife have sex once in three months. 

Why has the sex dropped off?

Is prostitution legal in your area?

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9 hours ago, Bioboss said:

But I feel very much tempted to go to erotic massage parlours. 

That is not the quick fix you need.  If you truly love your wife , you will probably leave with newfound guilt and shame and likely resentment too.   
You need to get to the root of the problem, which is your intimate relationship with your wife.

Through deep conversation with the two of you.   
If not that, then with a therapist.

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you didn't mention what efforts you and your wife have made to address the issue.

If you haven't wouldn't it make sense to work on this first?

Have you considered that you could risk everything and lose it all as well?

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11 hours ago, Bioboss said:

I am married man. I love my wife very much. But I feel very much tempted to go to erotic massage parlours. My self and my wife have sex once in three months. Is this the reason for my temptation? 

No, it's an excuse.  Rather than bypassing the real issue/issues, it's time to look within and face the music, so to speak.

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Thanks everyone for your kind reply. I will explain what's happening within our relationship. We stay in Hong Kong in a small apartment and our bed is so small that my self, my wife and my son manage to sleep by compromising the sex and intimacy. I am an young scientist wherein I spend most of my time working in lab. I work almost like 12 hours everyday even on weekends. Although I meet my wife everyday we both are so tiered that we don't get enough time to feel the intimacy. We rarely go to hotel or outing to spend some time together. I have shared my feelings about my stress and sexual desires with my wife. She is also too upset about the things happening now. But she always motivates me to excel in my career. I agree that my feeling to visit massage centres cannot be linked to sexual relationships. I feel that it's more complex than that. I request you to please suggest some other options to maintain a healthy relationship. I don't want to go to massage parlours at all. But it is just a repetitive feeling which I am getting frequently. Hope my detailed reply may help you to console my psychological distress. 

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You took a vow and got married so don't visit those parlours unless you want your marriage to be permanently scarred or for it to end. Both of you may never recover from that breach in trust. She's upset about it so finding intimacy outside your marriage is not an option unless you are actively looking to end your marriage.

Do you think your wife doesn't have the option to see other men also if she wanted? It goes both ways. Find ways to share your thoughts and daily life together. It doesn't have to be sex. It can be emotional intimacy also.

You mentioned working long hours. You realize that it's your responsibility to also manage your work stress when you come home and learn to curb your stress levels at work? You may be a pushover at work and overworking yourself when you can say no. You seem trapped as a provider and also losing touch with your family. It's pulling you in different directions. The end result is this frustration and desire for something novel and exciting like the idea of visiting these massage parlours. It's an escape from the trap and the mundane day-to-day that's sucking the life out of you. Find balance.. 

 

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3 hours ago, Bioboss said:

. We stay in Hong Kong in a small apartment and our bed is so small that my self, my wife and my son manage to sleep by compromising the sex and intimacy. 

Is there any way to get better sleeping arrangements? How old is your child? Is he sleeping in the same bed or room?

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3 hours ago, Rose Mosse said:

You took a vow and got married so don't visit those parlours unless you want your marriage to be permanently scarred or for it to end. Both of you may never recover from that breach in trust. She's upset about it so finding intimacy outside your marriage is not an option unless you are actively looking to end your marriage.

Do you think your wife doesn't have the option to see other men also if she wanted? It goes both ways. Find ways to share your thoughts and daily life together. It doesn't have to be sex. It can be emotional intimacy also.

You mentioned working long hours. You realize that it's your responsibility to also manage your work stress when you come home and learn to curb your stress levels at work? You may be a pushover at work and overworking yourself when you can say no. You seem trapped as a provider and also losing touch with your family. It's pulling you in different directions. The end result is this frustration and desire for something novel and exciting like the idea of visiting these massage parlours. It's an escape from the trap and the mundane day-to-day that's sucking the life out of you. Find balance.. 

 

Thanks a lot for your kind reply and suggestion. I will never visit those centres. I will make my mind clear from these evil thoughts and will try my best to lead a meaningful marriage life. 

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  • 1 month later...

take vacations often, sparks only work when you spent time together. try to find a balance with  work and home duties, I hope the scientist community also want their families to be happy and grow along with science.

Stressful work environment where you keep working for 12 hours is not good at all. Take breaks with your family, no laptops or work related matters should be part of that breaks, speak to your manager about no work life balance now. 

its not your work or your 12 hours shift causing this, its you, prioritize your personal life as well, don't be so engrossed with things outside it.

massage parlours is not a solution.

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  • 4 weeks later...

Try asking her directly if you can schedule some intimate time. Every couple needs time to reconnect with no kids and physical intimacy even if no sex. Just the fact that you think it's important should be enough motivation for her to find the time. Sex will naturally follow.

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