Should I keep waiting or should I give up? ╥ _ ╥

[nolovenovember]

I used to date this guy, who I still have crazy feelings for. I'll give a detailed background on what our relationship was like.

So I had a crush on him initially, and I confessed to him, and he accepted it, and initially, it was so sweet, we really got along, had similar life ambitions, and just in general, the relationship was really smooth, we contacted each other a lot, it was amazing, I was really happy. Then slowly, he started taking longer while responding to my texts, sometimes 2 days sometimes 3, I was tired of being the only one putting in all the effort and I had a lot on my plate as well, with regards to extra curricular activities, and everything, and so we mutually agreed to break up.

Around few weeks later, after I was done with all my work, he contacted me and asked me if we could call. We called and talked for 5 hours straight, and all my old feelings came back to me. We called each other the next day, and we sang songs to each other, it was just amazing. Then a few days later he tells me, "I've been trying not to date people much, but I feel like Im falling in love with you, and you're the first girl I've decided to date in 2 years, what should I do?" I was obviously really happy at that, and I confessed back too, then he asked me out, and we started dating. This time we dated longer than we did in the past, and I swear to god, I was the happiest I've ever been till date. He'd even sacrifice his sleep for me, if I'd been busy, I'd tell him, "I'll be done at this time" he'd come at that time, and we'd talk for hours and hours. We both would sacrifice our sleep, mealtimes, etc just so we could talk, and that'd be my joy everyday.

I actually have hormonal issues, so I get terrible mood swings sometimes, so I shouted at him twice for doing nothing at all. But he was still patient with me, and kept saying "sorry" even when he did nothing wrong. Once we were playing a game, and we lost consecutively 5 times, because of me, and he told me "you don't know anything about this game at all, you should do this in this situation and that in that situation" but I was mentally on a low at that time, so I didn't even accept anything he said, and told him, "you're being really mean to me" when he wasn't even being mean, and then he got mad too, and said "oh i am being mean? you told me you don't want to play this game, and you're playing just to spend time with me, but honestly it's a burden, because we are losing just because of you, you're not fun at all, you should just stop playing this game." I was really sad :(( and i told him that, then he said "im really sorry".

I dont know why, but I kept trying to put in so much effort after that fight, he stopped making time for me, but I still kept sacrificing like before, so that our relationship works out, but it looked like he was already tired of me, he slowly went back to not replying for days and days, and when i told him that he just said "im sorry" when I asked him to break up with me, he just said "im sorry". I was really really sad about it and wanted the pain to end, so I left him a long message, telling him, how someone else could have treated me better, and saying stuff like, "I hope we don't talk again, you have hurt me so much" and blocked him on all socials.

After three weeks, I found out that he got one of my socials from my friend, and told me, "i am sorry about what I did, please unblock me so that we can talk" he sounded really desperate and told me he was looking for me for a long time, and wanted to apologize for everything, and I apologized to him for everything I said too. Again, at the start we were talking a lot, and everything, he even told me personal things. I was kind of shocked when he told me about his sex drive, and how it being abnormally high bothered him, but I thought maybe he really trusted me as a friend and he said it, so I told him to consult a doctor, then he did, and then he took my suggestions for stuff like what he should gift his mom for her birthday, it was happy.

But now again, he has gone back to not responding to me, like before, and I'm sorry, but I still have feelings for him, and I really really want to know, if it is worth investing any more time, into this. Yesterday I told him, "Please reject me so that I can move on" but he hasn't responded to that message yet, and I don't know how long he is going to take this time, maybe even a month.

I just want to know if it is worth continuing to love him and wait for him to come back again, or should I just stop all contact with him for a few months and let this go. I have never felt this way about anyone before, so I am really in a mental turmoil because of this. I am so sorry this ended up being so long ╥ _ ╥

[MissCanuck]

Stop all contact and let him go. 

You two tried dating, and it didn't work. You're not compatible and he lost interest. 

Time to close the door on this and move on, OP. 

[Wiseman2]

6 minutes ago, nolovenovember said:

 I actually have hormonal issues, so I get terrible mood swings sometimes.  ╥ _ ╥

Sorry this is happening. What does  ╥ _ ╥ mean?

On/off relationships are difficult because of all the drama.

How much did you see each other in person? How old is he? 

If you have hormonal problems and mood swings ask your mother to take you to a physician. 

Step back from this and focus on your friends family school and interests. Losing sleep and meals is unhealthy.

[nolovenovember]

3 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Sorry this is happening. What does  ╥ _ ╥ mean?

On/off relationships are difficult because of all the drama.

How much did you see each other in person? How old is he? 

If you have hormonal problems and mood swings ask your mother to take you to a physician. 

Step back from this and focus on your friends family school and interests. Losing sleep and meals is unhealthy.

oh ╥ _ ╥ is a crying emoticon lol

We actually did hang out and grab meals sometimes, say uhh once a week, or sometimes twice? 

He is 18. 

I actually already take medicines for this problem ╥ _ ╥

You are right, it is affecting me so much mentally, to the point its getting unhealthy

Thank you so much for helping me out!

[nolovenovember]

3 hours ago, MissCanuck said:

Stop all contact and let him go. 

You two tried dating, and it didn't work. You're not compatible and he lost interest. 

Time to close the door on this and move on, OP. 

Yeah you're right. I should really leave this behind. Thank you so much for reading this, you are OP

 

[SooSad33]

IMO, None if this is good for either of you.

You need to stop reaching out & saying things like.. 'please reject me'.

The choice is yours.. to not even reach out!  Don't lead him on like this.. trying to get HIM to act (block you, reject  you etc)... Why do you do that?  Just stop interacting with him.... and all will be quiet.

From your 'moods', to him going quiet it all toxic. You two are sadly not too compatible.

I don't think you can be 'real friends'.. you like this guy but you are both messed up.

A real & successful relationship builds and BOTH are good for each other.

So, for your own good, you need to just stop.  Leave him alone and work on accepting this isn't working out.

Let him go... and let him work at moving on.. No more expectations.

Don't put either of you two thru this anymore.

[nolovenovember]

8 hours ago, SooSad33 said:

IMO, None if this is good for either of you.

You need to stop reaching out & saying things like.. 'please reject me'.

The choice is yours.. to not even reach out!  Don't lead him on like this.. trying to get HIM to act (block you, reject  you etc)... Why do you do that?  Just stop interacting with him.... and all will be quiet.

From your 'moods', to him going quiet it all toxic. You two are sadly not too compatible.

I don't think you can be 'real friends'.. you like this guy but you are both messed up.

A real & successful relationship builds and BOTH are good for each other.

So, for your own good, you need to just stop.  Leave him alone and work on accepting this isn't working out.

Let him go... and let him work at moving on.. No more expectations.

Don't put either of you two thru this anymore.

I really do understand what you are talking about, I think we can't even be friends nor have a relationship, it's just way too messed up. It's just really weird, and my feelings are stubborn, so I guess I really need to stop communicating with him, in order to stop them. I told him to reject me, because I really, so badly wanted to put an end to this. He's such an avoidant person, who won't ever clarify things, and I hate it when situations are so uncertain, but you are right, it's better to just let it be. Thank you so much, your advice really hit me. I'm so grateful.

[MissCanuck]

3 hours ago, nolovenovember said:

I told him to reject me, because I really, so badly wanted to put an end to this. 

It isn't on him to do this, though. 

You're an adult now, OP. You can and should step away when something doesn't feel good for you. You shouldn't need someone else to tell you what to do in this way. Time to put on your Big Girl Pants and step away of your own volition.

[nolovenovember]

4 hours ago, MissCanuck said:

It isn't on him to do this, though. 

You're an adult now, OP. You can and should step away when something doesn't feel good for you. You shouldn't need someone else to tell you what to do in this way. Time to put on your Big Girl Pants and step away of your own volition.

Im 16 xDDD, but yes, you're right, I should know what's the best for me, and I should step away from toxic things, when they hurt me. I realize how stupid I have been now. 

[Rose Mosse]

All that negative self-talk is doing so much harm overall. You learn to sniff what is toxic is by having a better self-esteem or feeling better about yourself. It starts with positive, not negative, ways of thinking of yourself and not letting anyone get in the way of that. 

A lot of people unfortunately are avoidant when it comes to break ups and try their best not to confront the other person or will wait for someone else to call it what it is. That's why break ups can be messy. People just don't communicate well and there's already been an existing communication problem that's likely led to the break up in the first place. 

To answer your question about whether to wait for him, the answer is No. Someone who walks out of your life repeatedly is showing you that he/she shouldn't be in it. Try to weigh what a person says with what they're doing. And if he/she doesn't say enough or refuses to talk with you, absolutely pay attention to that person's actions. These are glaring unspoken cues to help you decide how you want to move forwards and what you deserve. Keep your chin up. 

 

[smackie9]

Girl there are better things to do than to try and make a something work with a guy you have only dated for a short while. I agree you only go by their actions not what they tell you...talk is cheap as they say. Nothing should be this complicated ever. Block/ delete this guy.

[Wiseman2]

3 hours ago, nolovenovember said:

Im 16 xDDD 

What is xDDD ? 

Talk to a trusted adult about dating, your feelings, boys etc.

You can tell your doctor (it's private) and ask your mother to take you to a therapist (also private) if you are too shy to speak with a teacher, relative or other trusted adult about your unhealthy behaviors.

[boltnrun]

1 hour ago, Wiseman2 said:

What is xDDD ? 

Talk to a trusted adult about dating, your feelings, boys etc.

You can tell your doctor (it's private) and ask your mother to take you to a therapist (also private) if you are too shy to speak with a teacher, relative or other trusted adult about your unhealthy behaviors.

Those are smiles. She is using common characters in place of emojis (your favorite things lol!) Although I admit I hadn't seen the tears one before.

She's 16, so...

[Hollyj]

So much inconsistency.  This guy is really unhealthy for you.

Permanently block this guy.  He has nothing good to add to your life.  

[nolovenovember]

17 hours ago, Rose Mosse said:

All that negative self-talk is doing so much harm overall. You learn to sniff what is toxic is by having a better self-esteem or feeling better about yourself. It starts with positive, not negative, ways of thinking of yourself and not letting anyone get in the way of that. 

A lot of people unfortunately are avoidant when it comes to break ups and try their best not to confront the other person or will wait for someone else to call it what it is. That's why break ups can be messy. People just don't communicate well and there's already been an existing communication problem that's likely led to the break up in the first place. 

To answer your question about whether to wait for him, the answer is No. Someone who walks out of your life repeatedly is showing you that he/she shouldn't be in it. Try to weigh what a person says with what they're doing. And if he/she doesn't say enough or refuses to talk with you, absolutely pay attention to that person's actions. These are glaring unspoken cues to help you decide how you want to move forwards and what you deserve. Keep your chin up. 

 

You're right, why do people have to be avoidant about topics? Aren't we always taught to communicate properly? I really don't understand, and when I saw this guy, it really got on my nerves so bad. I always tried to communicate at all times, if I had a problem with anything he did I told him. It was so hard dealing with it, and more so, because he would just act like a coward. I mean, honestly there were other people who I got confessed to at that time, and they are my precious friends, I feel bad turning them down, for some guy who doesn't even know how to face me. I mean, what would I have done? If he can just tell me the truth, done, over I would have moved on, that's literally it? I feel like I wasted so much time on this one guy, when I could have studied instead

[nolovenovember]

13 hours ago, Hollyj said:

So much inconsistency.  This guy is really unhealthy for you.

Permanently block this guy.  He has nothing good to add to your life.  

you're right! Unhealthy to the point its insane! I blocked him on all social media, he can play his games with his 6ft tall ego.

[nolovenovember]

17 hours ago, smackie9 said:

Girl there are better things to do than to try and make a something work with a guy you have only dated for a short while. I agree you only go by their actions not what they tell you...talk is cheap as they say. Nothing should be this complicated ever. Block/ delete this guy.

I was desperately trying to make thing work out between us, but I've finally realized, how much of a time waste it had really been, and honestly, it's weird because I decided to let my guard down, just for this one guy, and he can't even face me properly. I feel really pathetic because I always tried to communicate well with him, now come to think about it, this guy would get really furious if I even used funny filters on his pictures, like what? I was putting on funny filters on our pictures, and he was really furious at that, it's so 😑

[nolovenovember]

15 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

What is xDDD ? 

Talk to a trusted adult about dating, your feelings, boys etc.

You can tell your doctor (it's private) and ask your mother to take you to a therapist (also private) if you are too shy to speak with a teacher, relative or other trusted adult about your unhealthy behaviors.

My mom does not want me go to a therapist, because she thinks it's dumb 😑and you know, to be honest, the stereotype about Asian parents being kind of strict applies in my case, like of course I tell her about all the boys I date, and everything, but she tells me "Oh, it's never going to last anyway" so mehhh like my mom just tells me to break up with every boy, if I have an argument with them or something, so like, yeah I just rely on my friends to give me advice, but they're my age too, so yeah, I came here, because I know there are knowledgeable and experienced people here

[Rose Mosse]

16 is still very young. Listen to your mum because she's got your back. Her words may be dismissive and hurtful when she says "it's never going to last anyway" but take it with a pinch of salt. At 16 it's normal to be curious about dating but your mum probably knows that relationships at that age don't last because you should be willing to explore your interests and get on with the rest of highschool and finish any other education you want for yourself. 

About your ex, both of you aren't very compatible. You were trying to be cute putting filters on photos but he may be the serious type and doesn't like that sort of thing. Whatever you are doing just respect another person's likes/dislikes and have some boundaries when it comes to someone expressing a dislike for something. If his norm is to react in anger though that's a problem. You don't want to be walking on eggshells all the time and afraid of offending someone. 

He shouldn't be apologizing to you all the time too. This only sounds like a guy who's afraid of your reactions. Take all this in stride and let the dust settle. There are other boys to date.