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COVID dating for 6 months, but she doesn't feel the same way. It was weird.

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  • This is going to be a long post so here goes. BTW, this was my longest time I dated someone. I've never been in a real relationship, even though at the time I considered this one. 


    We met on Tinder during the first wave. She was really worried about covid so we did a few online dates at first and then in person masked outdoors. It was fun. I thought we had a connection. I kept the online dates creative and we still could do stuff outdoors during the summer. That was when we would hang out the most and longest at a single time, maybe 3 hours. During winter, we would try to meet once a week (only for an hour or so) or just hang out online. We couldn't do anything else unfortunately as everything closed down. I was really worried it would get stale and would be impersonal and difficult to connect beyond the initial attraction since all we could was walk. I still wasn't sure where she was at or how much she actually liked me. But she seemed excited to see me in some way and kept dating me exclusively for months (covid style - no sex) and texted everyday. Everything was stretched and we never had a chance to have a deep emotional or physical connection. We would be meet sporadically and never for long. I really hated dating this way. When masked, I could barely see her (glasses) or hear her. It difficult to really connect for me. I prefered online, but then I couldn’t hold her hand or see her in person. It was tough for me cuz I really liked her. I would constantly flirt with her and she seemed into me. We would hold hands at least. 


    So 4 and half months in (which was a long time, but as I said before everything was stretched), I asked if she wanted to meet unmasked and invite her over since we didn't know when covid would be over. I said I would isolate myself for her. I laid my feelings about her. I said the way we've been dating is weird and I wanna get intimate with you. She said "yeah, I know what you mean, its been...(didn't complete the sentence), I wanna get closer with you too". I saw that as a sign of interest and that maybe she thought covid dating was weird as well. It was a huge risk for her and she agreed to talk to her family about it, but said we could only do it for a few weeks since it would be christmas and she needed to be with more family.


    The following week I asked if she wanted to watch a movie at my place. She came over finally but told me after she came over that she had to leave early. I kissed her then for the first time. We were watching a TV show when her eye had an infection so she had to leave. I wanted to hang out in person to have chance at a strong connection but she was at my place for a total of 45 min. It was not what I wanted. This wasn't going to change anything. It was barely anything. But she was still fine and good when she left.  


    This was when things got a little wierd. I texted her again if she could come over. She said she can come in the afternoon before work. She had a long commute so she had to leave early or could only come at noon. This meant she could stay for 1 hour. I was upset and I texted her that I assumed she wanted to get intimate and so far we barely hung out unmasked. I asked her over text if she wanted to stay the night. She said that was a bit of a jump since we just met unmasked and that with covid, work, and winter, the next two months were going to be really hard and that it wasn't fair to me. She said we needed to talk about it in person. She was going to come over anyway before I asked her to sleep over, but I was worried about what she was going to say. I said no worries, I don't mind taking it slow and don’t mind a two month break. She comes over again and I immediately talk about my feelings more and tell her I was serious about her, wanted a relationship, and wanted to call her my girlfriend at some point. She was really sweet throughout all of this. I asked if she wanted a relationship too, she says “I think so”. I  wanted to make sure we both wanted the same thing. I then said that the last time we met was too short and asked if she could spare 3 hours at least for once unmasked, even during the day, before the break. I was worried she would have an impression of this based on short time. We needed to relax around each other for a bit. I basically pleaded with her and suggested all these options about what we could do at my place. She told me she would try but she couldn't unfortunately due to logistical issues and that she need to see extended family soon as we agreed. I kissed her before she left but I realized I never really got to hear what she had to say. She didn’t tell me anything but was still interested in my life. She was still in a good mood. She even seemed dissappointed that she had to leave so soon. It seemed to go well but I wasn’t confident. I didn’t text her for 5 days after and but then SHE texts me. I’m like ok thats good. 


    A week later I ask to see her again. She says she can’t cuz of covid and christmas family. But I say I need to give her christmas presents and that we can meet masked. She seemed so excited for that and then said she had something for me too. We met masked and exchanged presents. She was really excited about hers that she opened it at work and texted me about it. She never texts from work. When she gave me mine she said multiple times that she thought about me when she saw this. Seemed like she put some thought into it. When I asked her if we could meet again after the break, she yeah with a slight maybe. But when I said if she wanted to ice skating, she said yeah!


    We text during christmas break like everything is normal. After new year, she starts texting less, but I thought maybe that was because she had a new more busy work schedule. A week later, I ask her for a virtual movie. She seemed excited for the movie based on texts. We meet online and she ends it. She said its been impersonal. I said if we could take a break or something cuz I assumed it was all logistics. She said didn’t wanna hang on to something that “may or may not happen”. I asked when she started thinking of this and she said new year, which was 2 weeks after I met her last and 4 weeks after I met her unmasked for the first time for 45 min. I was really shocked by this. She saw how I upset I was and said maybe we can be friends. I said I don’t think I can do that. 


    A day later, I asked to talk again. She called me on video chat again later that week. She then said “I don’t feel the same way about you and I don’t know why and I’m worried that it’s not gonna change and if it doesn’t I’ll just hurt you later”. I was even more shocked by this. I thought it was all logistics (covid, work, distance etc). She maybe its cuz of covid cuz we haven’t been meeting up often. I said yes of course. I told her it gonna get easier from now on. That I can come to you more. That we were just getting started. That we just met unmasked. That we connected throughout covid when it seemed impossible. That its been really hard for us but we were making really slow progress. But she kept saying “I have this worry in my head that it might not change” (i have 0 idea what this meant). I even said we could go on a hike soon and have half a day to ourselves and that then she would know. Yet she kept repeating the same point. She even said she was gonna move closer to me eventually but still was done with me. I didn’t get it. I asked if I did anything wrong or if I pushed her too hard, she said no. Later that night I texted her saying that I wanna end it on good terms. She said that I was really sweet and she was sorry about everything.


    How did she go from agreeing to meet unmasked to ending it with less than 2 hours of masked time? 


    She liked me enough to want to come over and take that risk with covid and talk to her family

    We only met unmasked for 45 minutes and watched something before she had to leave

    I kissed her and thought maybe she didn’t feel it, but she was holding my arm when walking back and she was willing to come over again

    She said we needed to talk cuz next two months were gonna be hard when I asked if she wanted to sleep over and she said no, but was still willing to come over to talk

    After I relationship and girlfriend talk, she seemed to be in good mood and didn’t wanna leave (or pretended)

    Also when I held her hand after I said that, she wasn’t fully responsive

    She texted me first after that when I didn’t after 5 days (we used to text fairly regularly - maybe once or twice a day)

    When I asked again, said didn’t wanna meet up due to covid and extended family, but did when I said presents

    She was excited about presents and opened it earlier at work cuz said she couldn’t wait

    But didn’t seem super confident about meeting after new year (I assumed because of work, covid, and winter as she said before)

    She texts me all through christmas - movie recommendations, etc

    On new year, says “Hopefully next year is easier on us”

    Done a week later “I don’t feel the same way about you and I don’t know why and I’m worried …”

    How did she judge me in 2 hours? After 6 months of impersonal and mechanical dating? What happened?


    On our last talk where I said I wanted a relationship and more time, I was a little desperate and I kinda pleaded. Was it my confidence? Why text me first after that? Did she know to end it right then but only was nice to me during christmas with the presents and all? Was it actually that she was worried and didn’t wanna take a risk since I said I wanted to commit to her? That it “may or may not happen”?  She kept using that “worry” word and I felt like she was telling the truth. Did she like me before and not like me after? Was she always on the fence and just wanted to test me out but couldn’t connect more as I feared?  But then why say “I dont feel the same way” only after 2 hours, which she only did on the second break up call. It was so declarative. I thought it was due to covid and that fact that she only came over for 2 seperate hours. But she didn’t even wanna give this the benefit of the doubt when I asked her for it. She wanted to get closer before she came over and then after she did, I got a lot of mixed signals. The fact she was pretending to be excited for the movie before the break up is now more confusing because I now have no idea idea when she actually changed her mind about me. Everything was stretched. Idk if it was after the first 45 min or after the relationship talk or something changed randomly during the break? Its thats so hard to pinpoint since there were so many mixed signals throughout. It was so reckless of her to do this for 6 months and judge this within 2 hours. Does she even realized how short that was? Or did I turn her off completely? But she seemed fine for a while after during the break? Oh one more thing, when we met to exchange presents, I gave her hot sauces and asked her to rank them. On the break up call, I asked how they were and she said ordered them and took a picture. That was after we met last, during the break, and before the break up. *** does that mean?


    Now I’m wondering if I could try this again with her after covid ends and if she’s single. I feel like logistics were such huge factor and it was unreprentative. We could barely touch for so long or hang out in a normal setting. I just wanna get coffee with her, which we never did. To show her we could work together. This whole thing was wierd and I feel like it would have worked without covid. But idk if she feels that way because idk why she ended it so quickly after I met her unmasked and asked to be in a relationship. This is why I’m asking you all to give ideas on why she ended it. I saw her on the apps again a month later during covid. I know everyone is going to tell me to move on. But I just wanna know if theres a chance. I’m not going to date during covid anymore. It sucks and it hurts too much. I left my country to visit family for a few months and I’m thinking of getting in touch with her somehow once I get back and everything is back to normal. 

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I'm sorry you're so disappointed.  This particular woman is just not interested in a romantic relationship with you.  It's a tough part of dating and if you're dating to find your forever person it might be worth that tough part.  But since dating is hard enough without covid if you're dating just to "date" i'd probably wait till things are more normal in the world.  I wouldn't beg or plead -that just makes it worse.  Again I'm sorry it didn't work out.

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But my biggest question out of all of this is why agree to take the massive risk of meeting unmasked and even talking to her family about it, and then ending it the moment we met. I assumed since she agreed to take that risk, she liked me enough and attracted and felt enough chemistry to do that. She was genuinely worried about covid. It was all very sad. I thought maybe she was always never fully there and wanted to feel more, but then why only spend 2 hours before ending it after taking that risk? Or I thought maybe she just immediately changed her mind about me as soon as she came over. idk.

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8 hours ago, hahahaahha said:

Btw, she even got me a birthday present and did a video chat with me on my birthday (offered to) 3 months in, which I saw as a sign that she liked me. 

She might like you a lot.  She just doesn't want to date you and she's not that into you.  She knows you are that into her and that you want to date her. So she is choosing not to lead you on.  This means the door is open for you to get out there - I guess in a covid safe way now -and meet others.  This is very typical of dating especially since you only met her in person a few times.

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