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So i have this almost 7 years relationship, on and of. I can definetly say he was in love with me since the first time he saw me. He spend almost 2 years chasing me, but at that time i wanted nothing to do with him, maybe because he was always so present i did not acknowledge him. Finally when i was 15 i decided to give him a chance and we became boyfriend/girlfriend. He was always so sweet and attentive and i was rather cold so broke up with him because i wasnt really in love and it was summer i went away, school year started again and when i saw him moving on i decided to chase him and we started dating again for 3 1/2 yrs. I moved away for college and he stayed, gossip started crossing my way he was cheating on me, i came back for him ( dont know if he knows thats the reason why i returned) but we started fighting a lot because of the gossio and also i knew something was off so we broke up. Then he started going through the stage boys go through kissing every girl they find attractive and being literraly a ***boy i was so devasted and wanted him back so badly i always stayed in touch and saw him almost everyother week, he went to my house and we spend the night as if we still were together. That went on for like a yr until i decided i had enough and met another guy which i dated for like 8 months, around the time i was starting to date the guy he obviously came back in an obsesive way that he wanted to be with me so badly. He kept pushing for like 4 months into my new relationship, after that he didnt bother no more and i went on for like 4 months without hearing about him. Then pandemic arrived and the new guy and me broke up, and my old boyfriend called me exacly the same day me and the other guy broke up just to see how i was doing,that was when i told him and of course he kept in touch. By that time i was heartbroken by the other guy and didnt want nothing to do with my old boyfriend, but he was still there for me even though i was ***y and undermining him. On december he was pushy again saying to me to let him go if i didnt want anything but since i the new boyfriend never cameback and i had no one i wanted to keep seeing him “till i find someone new”, for the past 3 months i treated him like he was uninmportant and i was the bigger better one. talked to him when i wanted, saw him when i wanting and always fighting with, because i could. Almost a month ago he decided to end things for good, told me he was tired of me mistreating him and that he didnt deserve it which is true, told me to never talk nor call again to give him space. I realized how wrong i was for treating him that way and apologized and told him i was ready to be with him and change my attitude but he wasnt interested anymore. 2 weeks ago i learned he has a new gf. she is 25 and he is 23, i know thats nothing but anyhow, she is wise must treat him so diffrent as i did, becuase i always loved when he chased me. talked to him after hearing about the new girl, he must have meet her when i was “trying to fix things with him” and treated himm with such emotinoal abuse, and i asked him if he was happy and he answerd he is peaceful now, told him how hurt and sorry i am but if he is happy then i will try to be happy for him too. Now i am so heartbroken because i let my soulmate go, i know we are young still i am 21, but we have known each other since we were kids, he is my bestfriend. And because of me having this fantasy about older men because my last guy was 27, i had this conception of him as if he was a kid, but he actually has been the most attentive and loving guy to me. I know i cant do anything right now, but i know he thinks so poorly of me as if i am the worst thing that has happened to him. But i am not that way and i just want to show him how much i can love him, been thinking constantly of all the things i want to say to him everthing i see he would have like i always think how he would have reacted and i just want another chance to be better with him so badly. 

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Paragraphs, please. 

You two had an immature, drama-filled past. It's time to let it go. You're not right for each other and you both need to move on. This doesn't have a snowball's chance in hell of working out. 

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4 hours ago, Lexi99 said:

So i have this almost 7 years relationship, on and of. Finally when i was 15 i decided to give him a chance and we became boyfriend/girlfriend.   i know we are young still i am 21, 

Sorry this happened. You got together way too young for way too long. 

That inhibited a lot of the freedom and growth you both need and want.

On/off relationships are a lot of drama. One step forward two steps back.

Be glad you are finally free and clear to date, have fun and do all the things you missed out on staying stuck in this that long.

Talk to trusted friends and family. Enjoy your education, work, friends, hobbies, sports, interests and life in general.

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Way too much negative going on over your years.  Nothing was ever stable between you two.

Most often after the first BU, it never works... then you tried again and again.  It's done 😞 

YOU need to realize, as mentioned you two are still young.  Many are still trying to find their way at your age and so many who date then, do not work.

YOU need to accept this... has been too much for too long.

He was an on again, off again crush that was not going to work out for you.

So many times you've been shown this- between him dating someone, then you dating someone, then letting him back in again.. then to BU.  Was never going to work... but meanwhile the push & pull has caused some negative on you 😞 

He may be a 'friend' to you- which may not work out, as you've crossed that line.. but he is not your soulmate.....

Is time to accept & let it go. Take some time for yourself to work thru all of this...and heal.

Someday, you will find a real man who you will connect with in many good ways... just keep your chin up and you will learn and be happy with yourself and your life..

 

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I know you are trying to emotionally sort this out. You are grieving your loss, and in time what happened the way it did will make better sense, relieving you of all this hurt. It's a lot to let go of for sure. Girl just take it day by day, there is light at the end of the tunnel. Keep busy, share your love with your friends, and family, have a fresh start once the darkness lifts.

Edited by smackie9
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Give it some breathing room. It's a lot of push and pull and both of you are familiar with each other but aren't good for one another. Every time he doesn't have you, he wants you. Every time you don't have him, you want him. Yet when you're together it doesn't feel good or it doesn't work well. What good is this? He was a good friend for a long time so not having him there for you in the same way while he grows and lives his own life is something you'll both have to get used to. This is all part of maturing and getting on with your lives. 

I got the sense that you need someone in your life and a boyfriend. Take a time out and be on your own for awhile. People won't look down on you or judge you for being single and if they do, there's probably something off about them and they're projecting their own fears and insecurities on you. You don't need to always have a boyfriend. I know you already know this but you can also live that without stress or worry. Keep telling yourself that. Single at 21 is not a death sentence and he is also not your soulmate. Save those words for someone special who has walked the talk with you for decades or a long time later in your life. 

Time to distance yourself from his life or his ongoings too. I agree with the other comments about enjoying your interests and hobbies and making new friends. Stay away from negative ninnies. There's a lot to look forward to.

 

Edited by Rose Mosse
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