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Before I start I just want it to be known that I am still a closeted bisexual and she has an ongoing relationship with her boyfriend of 4 years.

Ok so, I recently met this girl a year ago and we quickly formed a huge emotional connection as we instantly felt comfortable around each other and became really close within a short amount of time. 

Within the first few times of us seeing each other (through mutual friends) we had cuddled, kissed (on the lips) but that was all when we were both intoxicated, bare in mind we barely knew each other at this stage. I invited her into my girl friendship group and we started to become even more closer with each other. She would wrap her arms around my neck and hug me in public and I would hold her from behind. One night, we were snap chatting each other and she said something very suggestive to me. I was talking about her dog ***ting being jokingly sexy and to which she replied with "you know what else is sexy? Underneath these covers" (implying herself) and that put me in utter shock. Sure, friends like to joke around a lot but that was pretty ***ing bold. I responded back to her and she told me "you have to wait to see" ????? 

And now ever since the start of our new friendship, we constantly like to touch each other and flirt (only over text) with each other. She would talk about me not holding her hand, cuddling, how I belong to her and nobody else, and she would just say a lot of things what would involve her being possessive over me. But when it comes to face-to-face, we're nowhere near as affectionate and bold we are over text. Instead, we like to insult each other in like our banter way. When we sleep together, it is always us two in a bed cuddling and leaving no space between us. At almost all times I will be either spooning her or her body would be directly on top of me and I would give her back scratches and run my fingers through her hair. Sometimes I would notice when in an party/crowded environment and I would go off with a boy/hug a girl directly in front of her she would glare at me when I return back to her. 

Now, everytime we see each other we hug and kiss each other on the lips goodbye.

She does all this but at the same time, she jokes about getting boy strangers numbers for me and would even joke about me being lesbian. She still would talk about her boyfriend but also tells me about the fights they have and how mad she gets.

We have even cried to each other on how special we mean to each other despite only knowing each other for a year. She says she has a "soft spot" for me. Am I reading all of this wrong? Is she being confusing? Do we just have a deep emotional connection? I'm not sure what direction to take this friendship into, please help me!

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I really don't know. I'm not one to hug and kiss and cuddle unless I really like someone. But I'm also not everyone.

I actually have girl friends who hug and kiss each other like that--practically make out if they're dancing at a club--but their relationship doesn't cross beyond that. 

It's a tough situation. 

Are you afraid to talk to her about it?

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8 hours ago, Jibralta said:

I really don't know. I'm not one to hug and kiss and cuddle unless I really like someone. But I'm also not everyone.

I actually have girl friends who hug and kiss each other like that--practically make out if they're dancing at a club--but their relationship doesn't cross beyond that. 

It's a tough situation. 

Are you afraid to talk to her about it?

If I'm being honest, yes, I am kind of afraid to talk to her about it. I'm not afraid of rejection but rather scared of how it will impact our friendship. We are already have a special bond and I'm scared that if I talk about my feelings, we won't be as close anymore. She has told me she has rejected many boys before and that honestly steers me away from advancing forward with her.

Although I do think our friendship is definitely more physical than most. We can touch each other intimately and it be comfortable. But the question is whether that's because she's totally in love with me platonically or just romantic gestures.

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58 minutes ago, blueside11 said:

But the question is whether that's because she's totally in love with me platonically or just romantic gestures.

Yes, it's hard to know. But one thing that can make this easier on you is the fact that she is in a committed relationship. You should make it a rule to respect that for their sake, and for yours. Disrupting people's relationships makes for ugly situations.

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Come out of the closet and be yourself. Get on LGBT friendly dating apps and start talking to and meeting people with who you really are. Don't hide in a closet and try to manipulate anyone.

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Same situation that a friend of mine had in college. She told the girl how she felt and it changed their close friendship into no friendship at all. The girl had serious issues with leading people on of both sexes and as soon as they expressed deep feelings that she helped to cultivate, she would cut them loose. 

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She has a boyfriend so steer clear. Why get mixed up with someone who isn't available? Date people who are available. Would you be physically hurt or targeted or shamed badly if you came out of the closet? I don't know what it's like where you are. Work towards greater emotional/mental/physical freedom wherever you can. I know in some parts people are still beaten up badly for their sexuality especially where I'm from but where I live it is very liberal. 

Pay attention to all the confusion in all this or whether you're putting pressure on yourself to figure out where to go with this friend or whether you're frustrated not feeling free enough to express yourself or how you want to live your life.

I think your friend is selfish and she not only doesn't quite care about her boyfriend and what he thinks, she doesn't care about you either. To me, this would be no friend at all. She's just using you or may be bored or annoyed with her boyfriend and you're using her to explore yourself because you may feel pressured to keep your sexuality a secret (your options are limited). 

 

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