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So my story is very long and I think if I only tell part of it I won't be getting people's best opinions about my concerns. Honestly I could have put this in several different categories because I have questions about things that include my relationship and the entire family as well.  

I will start from the beginning and hope it doesn't get so drawn out that no one completely reads it. 

I met my first real boyfriend when I was 16 and he was 18.   I was a good student, listened to my parents and never got into any trouble.  He was the typical bad boy type.  

It didn't take long for me to fall totally head over heals he treated me like I was special and went out of his way to be around me as much as possible.    He walked over 40 miles one way in the middle of the night to be at my door first thing in the morning to bring me flowers.   He called me every day multiple times a day and we would talk for hours at a time.  He was my first love and my first everything to be honest.  When we had been together for about 9 months he went to jail for 3 months, it felt like a lot longer  to me at the time and I was lost without him until he was released and we were able to see each other again.  Not long after he was back I became pregnant with our first child.  When I was 7 months pregnant he moved out of state where he had been offered a job, the plan was for me and our son to relocate once he was set up with a place to live and the baby was born.  about a month after he left I found out he had cheated on me before he left.  I was devastated and angry and when I had our baby without him there I felt I couldn't count on him and refused to leave my home and my family.   He reluctantly returned to be with me and our new born son when he was a month old.  We moved into our own apartment just shortly after he returned and were happy together as a family until he was picked up on a probation violation for having left the state without permission and sentenced to 11 and a half months in prison.  Our son was 9 months old at this time.  While he was in prison I visited with our son once a month every month until he was released.  I basically became pregnant the second he got back home.  The next several months were less then wonderful we fought a lot and he was becoming more and more distant and when I was 7 months along he suddenly left me and moved in with another girl who I had met and knew as the mother of his friends daughter.   Fast forward 6 years and we re unite and begin seeing each other again.  The boys are now 6 and 8 years old. I find out he had cheated a second time which is why he left, feeling ashamed and not wanting to face me with the truth at the time.  I once again forgive him and we have our 3rd child a daughter who sadly only lived 2 days, our hearts were broken and things were very hard for some time.  The next several years were rocky at best and some days worse then others our 4th child arrives our baby girl who is now 10 and things between me and him are so strange and how he is even with the kids is odd to me but he always says its me and things I have done that has caused him to be the way he is.  he lives in the garage and i sleep with our daughter in her room,  has been this way for so long and he works full time but I still think its horrible that he says maybe 10 words to our daughter in a period of 7 days and i personally kept track for a week of how much time he spent in the house or with the family and monday to monday it was 3 and a half hours at the very most, and honestly added some time i really shouldn't have .  I ask myself over and over is this normal, does he want to be with me or am i right in thinking that this is not a relationship and i deserve to feel loved and cared about and so do my kids.  There is so much more to this story and his odd behavior but I feel ive rattled on enough. 

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What was he in jail for? Do you have friends and family nearby?

Can you move in with someone you trust with your children until you can get on your feet?

Go to social services to apply for housing, food and career training assistance. Also apply for healthcare for yourself and your children.

Concern yourself solely with your children and thier quality of life.

Just leave this man so at least your children can have some sort of decent life.

 

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It depends whether you see something different for yourself. So far accepting this might have been easier than not so changing the course would require you to see things completely differently. You were able to forgive his cheating and take him back. Why? If you believe in a different life for yourself and your kids, find a way to move forwards. 

I wouldn't fight or confront him about his past history or treatment towards you. He's not going to change and for this long, he's been what he is. There's too much there that's not right. Look to therapy or finding someone you can talk this out with in a safe place. If he can't grow with you he shouldn't be with you. He is still their father but you don't have to live with him or be part of this life anymore if it's not right for you.

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Sadly, I feel he has never been all that 'stable' 😞 ... I bet you wish you hadn't have gotten back with him that last time...

He's been in & out of jail/prision.. slept with a few... never a stable-like lifestyle.  BUT, he is full of negativity now.

IF he was a little more with it and able, he would have actually remained with you and his kids and gotten his **** together a while back!

But now, this is all you get...

I say to let him go.. get his own place.. can you manage where you are okay?  Maybe downsize and work out with the courts he does support payments & visitation.

Why live in so much negativity? 😞 

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