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So there's a guy at church I'm starting to become very cool with. I'm attracted to him but he hasn't shown any interest in me. He's just treating me the same way he treats other women he's friends with. Fine. However the other day I ended up asking him how things are going just being friendly and he answered by sharing something extremely personal with me that's currently going on in his life right now. It took me completely by surprise and I'm wondering what made him share something that deep with me when we aren't that close. Any thoughts??

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Perhaps he intuitively trusts you and wants a good listener.  Since he's your brethren, you could tell him that you'll pray for him and he'll appreciate it. 

If you wish to keep your distance, then you still can be compassionate and listen to him without saying anything.  Or, if you're really uncomfortable with him getting personal with you, tell him that you're uncomfortable with hearing about the details of his personal life.  You have every right to enforce healthy boundaries. 

If you wish to maintain a safe distance and remain acquaintances, don't make yourself available as a sounding board.  Keep your interactions light, polite and brief.  This is what I do with people whom I do not feel close to nor  wish to get close to.  There's nothing wrong with having the freedom to choose whom you wish to associate with and at your preferred level. 

I'm nice to some people.  However, I'm not close those I don't wish to be close with.  There is still peace and it's all good. 

Or, you can suggest a ministry support type group for him so he can share whatever weighs heavy on his mind, they'll pray together and others within the group confide in each other as well. 

Those were my thoughts.

 

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3 hours ago, Quipu11 said:

 he answered by sharing something extremely personal with me that's currently going on in his life right now. 

In what context was this shared? Perhaps he's an open type of person.

Do you have a crush on him?

If he's not asking you out, it's best to step away.

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Sometimes.. people just need to 'vent', to talk.

I feel he felt okay enough to do that with you.  Is nice you were there for him. Just play it cool and smile :) 

Like you said, he treats you like all his other friends (gals) and you are fine with that... leave it like that.  Be his friend.

In time, who knows... BUT, if you gather intense feelings & he doesn't.... hope you're also okay with that.

Often, if you get totally involved with a 'friend', it messes that friendship up 😞 

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Depending on what he said to you, it might give you a bit more insight into what /who he is as a person. Why pursue someone if they are going through something deeply personal or troubling? Instead of telling you that he's not available he maybe showing you exactly why. 

Without much more info, it doesn't sound very promising. Give him space to talk with you if he wants to approach you again. Stay friendly if you like but there's not enough info about him or you may not know him very well. 

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On 3/2/2021 at 5:57 AM, Wiseman2 said:

In what context was this shared? Perhaps he's an open type of person.

Do you have a crush on him?

If he's not asking you out, it's best to step away.

It was through text and yes I like him but he's not asking me out. 

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On 3/2/2021 at 12:13 PM, Rose Mosse said:

Depending on what he said to you, it might give you a bit more insight into what /who he is as a person. Why pursue someone if they are going through something deeply personal or troubling? Instead of telling you that he's not available he maybe showing you exactly why. 

Without much more info, it doesn't sound very promising. Give him space to talk with you if he wants to approach you again. Stay friendly if you like but there's not enough info about him or you may not know him very well. 

He's dealing with a legal matter that's keeping him from being able to work his normal job. That maybe why he hasn't tried to ask me out cause I'm been wanting him to. But now I prefer to wait until this legal issue is settled and he's able to go back to with before dating him anyway. 

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2 hours ago, quipu said:

He's dealing with a legal matter that's keeping him from being able to work his normal job. That maybe why he hasn't tried to ask me out cause I'm been wanting him to. But now I prefer to wait until this legal issue is settled and he's able to go back to with before dating him anyway. 

Then it really doesn't matter why he told you this personal info.

I know you are hoping it means he is into you and wants to date you but you should not operate on hopes.  If you want to date him ask him if he wants to hang out sometime.  If you want something in life waiting for it to happen instead of making it happen is silly and a waste of time.

  If you cannot ask him to hang out then turn up the flirting so even the most dense guy can see you are interested.

  Lost

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4 hours ago, quipu said:

He's dealing with a legal matter that's keeping him from being able to work his normal job. That maybe why he hasn't tried to ask me out cause I'm been wanting him to. But now I prefer to wait until this legal issue is settled and he's able to go back to with before dating him anyway. 

Perhaps he senses you have a crush on him and told you this to discourage you from that. 

You may be mistaking this disclosure for a connection but it's sounds more like a disconnection.

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I definitely don't believe for one sec he is interested in me. Even before he revealed this info to me I didn't believe he liked me at all. The question is more so about why he would reveal something that personal to me even though we aren't close not whether or not he is showing interest. 

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1 hour ago, quipu said:

. The question is more so about why he would reveal something that personal to me even though we aren't close not whether or not he is showing interest. 

The answer could be that he senses your crush and told you this to push you away a bit.

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On 3/2/2021 at 12:04 PM, SooSad33 said:

Sometimes.. people just need to 'vent', to talk.

I'm going with this. I can say for myself, when I have a lot of turmoil bubbling inside, watch out. I'm like a geyser. Any random person could be subject to my momentary venting about a difficult situation. I'm pretty open about discussing problems, and I like to hear other people's opinions--especially when I'm at a loss. 

Edited by Jibralta
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8 hours ago, quipu said:

I definitely don't believe for one sec he is interested in me. Even before he revealed this info to me I didn't believe he liked me at all. The question is more so about why he would reveal something that personal to me even though we aren't close not whether or not he is showing interest. 

Have you both spoken since then? If you meet each other regularly, just ask him how that thing is going and if it's progressing the way he wants it to. It's hard to tell what his intentions are if any. Does it matter anyway? If he's a nice guy, just enjoy the chats. Don't read into them too much though. Talk with other people also and mingle. If it's not really your nature to chat with people or ask, you don't have to be unnatural or not yourself.

Whatever someone volunteers as information, treat it as a little package offered to the universe. Unless it's especially addressed to you, don't take it personally whether good or bad. 

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11 hours ago, Rose Mosse said:

Have you both spoken since then? If you meet each other regularly, just ask him how that thing is going and if it's progressing the way he wants it to. It's hard to tell what his intentions are if any. Does it matter anyway? If he's a nice guy, just enjoy the chats. Don't read into them too much though. Talk with other people also and mingle. If it's not really your nature to chat with people or ask, you don't have to be unnatural or not yourself.

Whatever someone volunteers as information, treat it as a little package offered to the universe. Unless it's especially addressed to you, don't take it personally whether good or bad. 

Thank you! I think us women do sometimes tend to read too much into things when we like a guy. Why he told me really shouldn't matter what he told me should. I'm just going to continue being cool with him and leave it at that. 

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16 hours ago, Jibralta said:

I'm going with this. I can say for myself, when I have a lot of turmoil bubbling inside, watch out. I'm like a geyser. Any random person could be subject to my momentary venting about a difficult situation. I'm pretty open about discussing problems, and I like to hear other people's opinions--especially when I'm at a loss. 

Yeah some ppl are def open books, and this is something I would think would be weighing heavily on a man so makes sense he would share if given the opportunity. 

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Most likely this person trusts you. He decided to tell you about his personal, he believes that you will support him. People have moments when they need to open their souls and tell about everything in order to remove their worries. You should listen to him.

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