Should I move on or held onto?

[Pri93]

So This guy and I have been seeing each other for over more than 6 months now and we have know each other for over a year
He is 2 years younger to me not that age matters but the reason I mention this is something you'll know as I move ahead.
So we both love each other I am 27 and he is 25. I am at a point in life where I want to settle down now plus I am not a citizen of this country and my work visa expires end of next year. So my dilemma is if I need to stay in this country which I do I'll have to end up marrying someone and settle down, which I am ready for. But this guy he is not ready to get committed. I am not even asking him to marry me all I am asking from him is a commitment so that I know I have someone. 
Another thing to know is that he recently asked me that we should take a break like still talk to each other but not meet as often or hangout or anything else just keep some distance cz he claims he needs time to make decision and this is confusing him. 
What I don't get is if you love someone how can having them around confuse you? Especially if he is claiming that he wants to be there with me forever and in the future but just needs a break now. Also, this is not the first time he has asked for a break to think things he has mentioned this before too. I kind of fail to understand that if someone really loves you and claims that they see a future with you why would they want a break to think things through? Also, another thing to know about him is he is kindda pretty indecisive person which sometimes does scare me.
My problem is that I don't know what I should do any longer? Should I go ahead and starting dating other people and break up with him? I mean what really is a break isn't it just break up??
I need someone outside to advise me I want to understand things with someone else's perspective. 
I am ready to answer any and whatever questions you might have to offer me a good advise. But please help me clear my head on this.
You can ask me should you want to know anything more.
Thank you
Pri

[Wiseman2]

2 minutes ago, Pri93 said:

I am at a point in life where I want to settle down now plus I am not a citizen of this country and my work visa expires end of next year. So my dilemma is if I need to stay in this country which I do I'll have to end up marrying someone and settle down

Can your employer renew your visa? Marrying for residency is considered a sham marriage.

[DancingFool]

Just now, Wiseman2 said:

Can your employer renew your visa? Marrying for residency is considered a sham marriage.

....OP isn't talking about sham marriage but finding a real relationship that leads to marriage.

That said, OP you are wasting your time on this guy regardless. On/off, break up make up, I need a break type relationships are simply unhealthy and downright toxic.

You are absolutely correct that someone who truly loves you isn't going to risk losing you by taking breaks. Relationships, especially marriage, doesn't come with breaks or vacation time. Can you imagine having young children and your husband just goes away for a few weeks because he needs "a break" from being a husband and a father? When you see that kind of behavior, end things the very first time it happens. This person is showing you that they are not cut out to be a good life partner.

[MissCanuck]

8 minutes ago, Pri93 said:

 I kind of fail to understand that if someone really loves you and claims that they see a future with you why would they want a break to think things through?
 

Because he doesn't actually love you the way he says he does. 

Don't plan on marrying and settling down with this man. He doesn't feel the same way you do and it's a matter of time until one of these breaks become permanent. 

[SooSad33]

27 minutes ago, Pri93 said:

I'll have to end up marrying someone and settle down, which I am ready for. But this guy he is not ready to get committed. I am not even asking him to marry me all I am asking from him is a commitment so that I know I have someone. 
Another thing to know is that he recently asked me that we should take a break like still talk to each other but not meet as often or hangout or anything else just keep some distance cz he claims he needs time to make decision and this is confusing him. 

- Then he is questioning your relationship 😞 

 

28 minutes ago, Pri93 said:

if he is claiming that he wants to be there with me forever and in the future but just needs a break now. Also, this is not the first time he has asked for a break to think things

- I wonder if he's just saying this to please you... because his actions say otherwise.

 

28 minutes ago, Pri93 said:

Should I go ahead and starting dating other people and break up with him? I mean what really is a break isn't it just break up??

- No.  Stop 'looking' for people to date.

I hope you are NOT going to continue to seek somone out in order to 'stay in the country', because that will not work!

You know you will be leaving by end of next year?  Work on accepting this.  Because if this is how you are thinking, YOU are in for a major disapointment.

My ex brother in law acted out this way & within a year, she is ready to leave!  They are not getting along, he's changed and is not for her :(.. But, she came here to him.. They did NOT know each other well enough at all- and it became even worse, after they began to actually live together..

Fact:  What you want & what you get is way different.

I suggest you just aim on completing your work and hang with friends.. No expectations re: a real, successful relationship.

 

[Mel11]

Most men get cold feet at the marriage notion. But you say  he is not looking to commit, and then "  Especially if he is claiming that he wants to be there with me forever and in the future but just needs a break now". It sounds like he is like most guys when it comes to the marriage commitment. They get scared. Give him an ultimatum or my advice is to heal and fast so you can find another. 

[DancingFool]

6 minutes ago, Mel11 said:

Most men get cold feet at the marriage notion. But you say  he is not looking to commit, and then "  Especially if he is claiming that he wants to be there with me forever and in the future but just needs a break now". It sounds like he is like most guys when it comes to the marriage commitment. They get scared. Give him an ultimatum or my advice is to heal and fast so you can find another. 

I'm sorry but No, just NO. Women really need stop feeding themselves this bs that men are somehow sooo different. Men for the most part want the same things when it comes to life and relationships - marriage, kids, etc. Now, whether he wants that with you or on your timeline is a different story. 

That's also the point of dating. If you are dating and you realize the guy you are with doesn't want the same life, doesn't have the same life goals, is not on a roughly similar timeline as you, YOU need to stop wasting your time and part ways. Maybe he just doesn't want that with you - harsh, but the sooner you face that and move on, the better you'll be off.

For a relationship to work, you and the man you are dating have to be walking on the same road in the same direction and at the same pace. If that's not happening, then part ways and look for someone who is matching instead of wasting time, effort, emotions, or even worse....ultimatums, to bend someone to your will. That's the sort of bs that leads to heartache and guarantees you won't have the life and relationships that you crave.

The greatest relationship skill is learning to cut loose those who do not fit and aren't on the same page as you quickly so that you are free and able to meet that right person who actually fits.

[Hollyj]

I’m sorry,  but he does not love you or he would want to be with you.  Do not give him the benefit of staying in touch if he does not want a relationship.  
 

This has no future, if you are looking for a serious relationship, then take this guy out of the equation.  Stop wasting your time with him. 

[Rose Mosse]

Do you like this country you're in right now? Does it have the right environment you're looking for to settle down in the first place? I think you should put yourself first here and press pause on the relationship question. No matter how loving or supportive the relationship or marriage, if you yourself are not happy or fulfilled or motivated about your life in a new country, you will not be happy. 

Once you've answered this question, then go about looking at the process of renewing the work visa or finding employment that allows this. Maybe you have to fly back home for a period, reapply and come back to this country. Your life is too unstable now to add another person to the mix and it's really quite unfair to put this on someone else, especially at this early stage. 

Since he asked for a break several times, I'd reconsider (seriously) any idea of anything reliable, permanent or trustworthy about this person. You don't need to go there. If you want to stay, stay. Do it on your own terms. 

 

[Tinydance]

Well, first of all I do agree with the others that someone who loves you isn't going to keep breaking up with you and asking for space. You've been together for six months but he already took a break from you twice. Which is actually too often in only six months. If he keeps saying he's not sure and he needs to think about it, I'm sorry to say but I don't think he loves you. If he loved you then why is he not sure? When you love someone, you think of them all the time and want to see them all the time. If he wants to see you less and take a break then obviously his feelings are not that strong?

Secondly though, I'm not sure what country and culture you're in but a guy at 25 years old is actually still quite young and usually isn't thinking of marriage. Again, I'm not sure what is considered culturally common in the country where you are.

I'm in Australia and here I must say people are not that marriage oriented and don't want marriage and kids until they're in their 30's and 40's. I'm 36 and I always wanted marriage and kids but guys around my age weren't that interested in it or ready (mostly). The only guys I've met now in my 30's who wanted marriage were 40+. Here in Australia it's very uncommon for a 25-year-old guy to want marriage. The only people I've known (not many) who got married in early of mid 20's did that because they'd been together for a very long time. Like high school sweethearts sort of thing.

This guy knows that you need to get married very soon and he hasn't known you a super long time. He's a fairly young man so he might be feeling a huge amount of pressure to make that decision too quickly. Even people in their 30's (me included) usually don't want to rush marriage because it's a huge commitment and very legally binding as well. It's not a light decision and people really need to know each other very well first before committing to a marriage.

If you're ready to settle down I  general then I would recommend dating older men. Minimum late 20's, 30's, even 40's. I think that's when men begin to think about marriage and kids and those kinds of things. In Australia that is the case anyway and probably in many other Western countries.

[Tinydance]

2 hours ago, DancingFool said:

I'm sorry but No, just NO. Women really need stop feeding themselves this bs that men are somehow sooo different. Men for the most part want the same things when it comes to life and relationships - marriage, kids, etc. Now, whether he wants that with you or on your timeline is a different story. 

That's also the point of dating. If you are dating and you realize the guy you are with doesn't want the same life, doesn't have the same life goals, is not on a roughly similar timeline as you, YOU need to stop wasting your time and part ways. Maybe he just doesn't want that with you - harsh, but the sooner you face that and move on, the better you'll be off.

For a relationship to work, you and the man you are dating have to be walking on the same road in the same direction and at the same pace. If that's not happening, then part ways and look for someone who is matching instead of wasting time, effort, emotions, or even worse....ultimatums, to bend someone to your will. That's the sort of bs that leads to heartache and guarantees you won't have the life and relationships that you crave.

The greatest relationship skill is learning to cut loose those who do not fit and aren't on the same page as you quickly so that you are free and able to meet that right person who actually fits.

Yes men want the same things but not actually all men. I have two male friends who are 37 and they don't want marriage and kids. In dating it's important to date people who have the same values and goals as you. It doesn't matter if they're a man or woman. If someone wants marriage then they need to date people who want the same things. Also at 25 this guy is probably just not ready for marriage. In 5-10 years maybe he will be but now he's still quite young.

[SherrySher]

It could be one of two things:

1.) He really is considering a serious future with you and needs time to wrap his head around it all being as it's not a decision to be taken lightly. He needs time away from you in order to see what life is like without you, so he knows for certain where his heart really is and if he can't live without you, or not. 

or

2.) He's not serious about you, and he is trying to find an easy way to tell you it's over but instead of directly coming out and telling you, he is taking the cowards way out and is slowly easing back from you.

I'm not sure which one it is, only you would know which one sounds more like him.

However, the way you speak of him and you, it doesn't sound anywhere near serious enough for marriage and both of you sound quite uncertain.

That being said, enjoy the time you have together, but he's not going to be a husband.

[melancholy123]

His definition of love is different from yours.  He is not ready to commit to  you or anyone else. You think you want to settle down with someone, he isn't that guy.  If he was he wouldn't be wanting to take breaks to "think."

I think you'd be further ahead to break up with him and find someone more on your wavelength.