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What should I do with this girl?


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4 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Why are you so extremely overeager to get her there? Do you have any specific plans or just a hangout and sex? Did you even invite her for anything worthwhile?

 She doesn't need your permission or ok to not see you. Even then, you offer to smother, cling, etc. by inviting yourself for the day? 

You've got this entire algorithm and dialogue in your head replete with catastrophizing that because she hasn't mentioned it yet, that she will not be able to make it. 

 

Well I planned on getting food with her, hanging out....  

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9 minutes ago, ldp0817 said:

Well I planned on getting food with her, hanging out....  

She can do that with anyone, including friends, family or since you're not exclusive, other men she may be seeing, no?

Did you ask her what movies, take out etc she prefers?

Edited by Wiseman2
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11 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

She can do that with anyone, including friends, family or since you're not exclusive, other men she may be seeing, no?

Did you ask her what movies, take out etc she prefers?

Of course I did, she likes the exact same things as I do..  we have a lot in common. Like I said i have no clue why things have gone a bit distant to what they usually were. It could be the age thing as shes a year and a half older or it could be the distance as shes 50 min away..  its a weird one. I will see what happens i guess and if we do facetime tonight. All I can say right now is that the chat and vibe aint the same to what it usually is. 

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Good point on the reason for coming over. If there's already a plan on what to do talk about it tonight and ask her out as if it's a date, not just a hang out. When I went on dates there seemed to be a group of people who talk about dates like 'hanging out' and all I got was the desire to appear cool. If I'm dating I do not want to "hang out" or have things happen on the spur of the moment or dragged around the city(no rough idea or plan or anything). This is coming from 40-50 year old men. You start to get a very clear picture of what that person is looking for and it's casual sex or actually wanting something a bit more long term. 

Since this is so early don't let it fall flat so fast! It's only the second time you are meeting each other. If it were me I think a one hour coffee would do or go see a movie at an outdoor movie theatre or walk down an interesting and fun strip of town, visiting different shops or galleries.

Make plans again to see each other the following weekend. Do keep busy till tonight when you can both chat and come up with a better reason for her coming over. I'd avoid the 50 minute commute as a reason for spending long, long dates together this early. Too much too soon.

 

 

Edited by Rose Mosse
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4 hours ago, Rose Mosse said:

Good point on the reason for coming over. If there's already a plan on what to do talk about it tonight and ask her out as if it's a date, not just a hang out. When I went on dates there seemed to be a group of people who talk about dates like 'hanging out' and all I got was the desire to appear cool. If I'm dating I do not want to "hang out" or have things happen on the spur of the moment or dragged around the city(no rough idea or plan or anything). This is coming from 40-50 year old men. You start to get a very clear picture of what that person is looking for and it's casual sex or actually wanting something a bit more long term. 

Since this is so early don't let it fall flat so fast! It's only the second time you are meeting each other. If it were me I think a one hour coffee would do or go see a movie at an outdoor movie theatre or walk down an interesting and fun strip of town, visiting different shops or galleries.

Make plans again to see each other the following weekend. Do keep busy till tonight when you can both chat and come up with a better reason for her coming over. I'd avoid the 50 minute commute as a reason for spending long, long dates together this early. Too much too soon.

 

 

Yeah I'll ask if she wants to meet up again sometime if she cant get the day off..  i will tell her i plan on taking her to somewhere and show her where..  then leave it to her to let me know when shes free and then not pursue it. 

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On 3/2/2021 at 10:23 AM, Rose Mosse said:

If I'm dating I do not want to "hang out" or have things happen on the spur of the moment or dragged around the city(no rough idea or plan or anything).

It's funny how things change over time. In my teens and 20s, all I wanted to do was hang out and wander around aimlessly with my friends/boyfriends. But there's no way I would do that now! My free time has become too precious.

Of course, there comes a point, especially in a new relationship, where you want to spend as much time together as possible, no matter what you are doing. It's just better when you both feel that way.

On 3/2/2021 at 8:35 AM, ldp0817 said:

we are supposed to facetime tonight, if we do at some point I will ask if she managed to get the day off.

 Did you end up facetiming?

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