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Im soo confused, i dont know what to think or do. He was a friend of mine for 8 years although i didnt know him that well, hes been married 13 years and has 2 kids, im married also with kids.

One night we were out and he kissed me, things moved fast, i knew his wife hit him and also cheated on him with her ex.. we talked alot, we fell in love, this carried on a year, but the year was hard even though he said he loves me i felt i always come last, obviously i understand he has a family but certain things and times my feelings didnt matter, we decided we would leave to be together, i saved up as his wife delt with their money.

He then told me he wanted to stay with his wife and kids a bit longer and he wanted to buy a house with his wife so he could leave the kids in a permanent home. I wasnt happy but i understood his kids come first..

Weeks passed he then told me he couldnt leave yet. after alot of heartache i let him go..

We didnt speak for 11 months then all of a sudden i got a message. I wanted to tell him to get lost but i knew my feelings were still so strong. I still loved him, he had bought his house and things were settled for him, i thought maybe he had come back for me and he was gonna leave, he also admitted that 8 weeks after we ended he was seeing someone else, he said he was seeing her to get me out of his head,

He says hes going to leave the end of this year 21 and wants to be with me, but do i wait.. he only messages me once a week because if we message alot it gets to much, its been 10 months since we started talking again, yet again his wife comes first no matter what, i dont expect him to drop anything for me but i expect a little in return. 

We once had a bit of an argument, i was so upset to which he knew i was but told me i had to wait 3 days until we could talk again because both him and his wife were off work together, i felt so angry and selfish, i know its hard for him to talk but wasnt i worth the risk, even if it was just a little message to make me feel better.

Im at the end of my teather 

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Have you left your marriage yet? Leave if you're in the process of leaving. I don't think you should leave for anyone except yourself, especially not this complete loser. He's got way too many women strung along including his wife. You have to accept that your marriage is over with or without him and learn to stand on your own two feet first.

Please consider seeing a lawyer and finding a therapist. Sort out ending this marriage first before pursuing anything with anyone new. He will always have this hold over you if you're telling yourself you're leaving your marriage for another man. 

Edited by Rose Mosse
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Unless you're counting on rolling the dice, do you feel he'll treat you the same way he treats his wife/ side pieces any different? 

Keep in mind that if you marry a man who cheats on his wife, you'll in turn be married to a man who cheats on his wife.

Time to think...

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If he'll do it with you, he'll do it to you.  Think about this.

This guy is a louse and a player and you are being a fool to be messing round with him when he has no intention of laving his wife and is also fooling around with yet another woman.  You need to wake up.

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He doesn't love you. You need to re-read that a hundred times over....he....doesn't....love...you!

He is a liar, a cheater, a manipulator and he always will be.

If he all of a sudden left his wife to be with you, you can be 100% certain that he would be fooling around with another woman behind your back within a year.

He replaced you like nothing when you left. This man does not care. He is using you and messing with you.

The only one who can stop this toxicity is YOU. Block him, delete him, move away, date someone else, do whatever you can to distract.

He is a sickness.

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It would be incredibly foolish to wait for this man. 

He isn't going to leave his wife for you. You need to drop that fantasy. And yes, as long as he's still married to her, she will always come before you. 

It always astounds me when an Other Woman doesn't get that. 

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My friend was 100% convinced the man she was having an illicit affair with would leave his wife for her. Well, all she got for her misplaced loyalty to and belief in him is a child (yes, she had a baby fathered by this cheater) who doesn't know her father. He hasn't given her a penny in support. She struggles financially and emotionally. 

Don't continue down this dead end path.

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1 hour ago, boltnrun said:

Well, all she got for her misplaced loyalty to and belief in him is a child (yes, she had a baby fathered by this cheater) who doesn't know her father.

My half-sister is the product of an affair. She did meet our father. But growing up, she only had her mom's family. She was a big secret from our father's family. Had to be hard!

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I'm curious how your life will be with him as he co-parents with his ex wife that may not be too pleased he has been unfaithful. Do you think that will be a little obstacle in his life and how much do you wish to invest in a drawn out divorce, and possible custody battle? I think he has thought this through well and is keeping his wife first as you are a willing participant and he gets the best of both worlds. I'm sorry to say I doubt he is going to dismantle his stability and family when you take him as he is. 

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I think you've spent a lot of time and energy confusing yourself.  You started a tangled web of thoughts that justifies, rationalizes and other wise makes bad decisions ok.

For one, you are married, this guy is married. Therefore, you can't be dating. You're having an extramarital affair.

You've convinced yourself it's so special, that maybe you'll be together. But then you split and while you're torremented, he has another girlfriend!

This guy is faithful to no one! Its painfully obvious. A guy with a wife and two girlfriends is a louse of a man. He is no prize. This is not confusing to anyone else. 

Why are doing this to yourself and your own husband? If you're unhappy get a divorce. 

 

Edited by Lambert
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