I was super drunk and don’t know if I was taken advantage of

[Abbbii]

So a few years ago I was with a group of girls that were my friends and we wanted to have a night of fun meaning we would drink and just hangout. I had a boyfriend at the time and was extremely loyal towards. My friends and I had parents who were extremely strict which I forgot to say we were in high school at the time so we had no where to go. I remembered this one kid I knew from sports and I texted him to see if we could come over which he said sure. We didn’t want to share our alcohol with him and his friends so we decided to park in the parking lot in front of his house and drink a lot. I barely ate before so I got super drunk which I never been this drunk in my entire life. I don’t remember much after drinking. My friend said I fell in the parking lot and was passed out so she texted the guy to come and get us which he knew we were super drunk and he picked me up and took us to the back yard where his friends and him were having a bonfire. I do not remember getting picked up and took to the back by him at all. I then woke up in the yard with my friends laying there with me throwing up. I was going in and out with passing out laying on the grass. Then late at night I remember waking up still so drunk and getting up to see the guy asking me to come inside with him. I then don’t remember going inside but randomly remember being in the kitchen one moment then the bathroom which he made me brush my teeth with my finger for some reason still super drunk. Then I do not remember but out of no where we are making out on the couch. I do not remember how we started making out at all. Then I don’t remember much until I remember him doing it with me. I wanted to cry and scream. I was in pain. I never did sexual things with anyone and never saw him as a guy I would want to do it with. He knew I had a boyfriend as well. I then remember waking up still in the middle of the night in a random room with him. I got up and ran out to find my friends. I put my clothes on and went to find them. I also remember within the night of not being passed out I lost my phone and kept trying to find it but then I’d black out. After finding my friends I do not remember really anything besides waking up the next morning alone in a random room. I was scared. I got my friends and left right away. I didn’t know what to do at all. I told them about it and they told me it wasn’t good. I told the guy I didn’t want to do anything with him on text the next day and that I was scared. He apologized but made it sound like I was asking for it. I feel like it’s my fault everyday since then and it was a few years ago. I feel like such a *** and it really change how I am towards people mostly with guys, with how I dress, and how my mental health is. I try to look up answers to if this is really sexual assault but can’t seem to know or believe it. I feel like I’m lying to myself about it but I am still in disbelief. I really need to know was this sexual assault? Was I taken advantage of being drunk? Thank you for reading I never told anyone about this besides my close girl friends and just recently my mother. 

[SooSad33]

Yes, I say it was, as  you do not recall agreeing to it. He did take advantage of you and in your state :(.. Happens sometimes, especially in those instances.. I'm sure your mom agree's.. BUT of course he wouldn't admit to it...

If you feel you can't get over this, I do suggest you look into some therapy to work through this issue.. as it has affected you and guys.

[Wiseman2]

4 hours ago, Abbbii said:

So a few years ago I was with a group of girls that were my friends and we wanted to have a night of fun meaning we would drink and just hangout. I had a boyfriend at the time and was extremely loyal towards. My friends and I had parents who were extremely strict which I forgot to say we were in high school at the time so we had no where to go. I remembered this one kid I knew from sports and I texted him to see if we could come over which he said sure. We didn’t want to share our alcohol with him and his friends so we decided to park in the parking lot in front of his house and drink a lot. I barely ate before so I got super drunk which I never been this drunk in my entire life. I don’t remember much after drinking. My friend said I fell in the parking lot and was passed out so she texted the guy to come and get us which he knew we were super drunk and he picked me up and took us to the back yard where his friends and him were having a bonfire. I do not remember getting picked up and took to the back by him at all. I then woke up in the yard with my friends laying there with me throwing up. I was going in and out with passing out laying on the grass. Then late at night I remember waking up still so drunk and getting up to see the guy asking me to come inside with him. I then don’t remember going inside but randomly remember being in the kitchen one moment then the bathroom which he made me brush my teeth with my finger for some reason still super drunk. Then I do not remember but out of no where we are making out on the couch. I do not remember how we started making out at all. Then I don’t remember much until I remember him doing it with me. I wanted to cry and scream. I was in pain. I never did sexual things with anyone and never saw him as a guy I would want to do it with. He knew I had a boyfriend as well. I then remember waking up still in the middle of the night in a random room with him. I got up and ran out to find my friends. I put my clothes on and went to find them. I also remember within the night of not being passed out I lost my phone and kept trying to find it but then I’d black out. After finding my friends I do not remember really anything besides waking up the next morning alone in a random room. I was scared. I got my friends and left right away. I didn’t know what to do at all. I told them about it and they told me it wasn’t good. I told the guy I didn’t want to do anything with him on text the next day and that I was scared. He apologized but made it sound like I was asking for it. I feel like it’s my fault everyday since then and it was a few years ago. I feel like such a *** and it really change how I am towards people mostly with guys, with how I dress, and how my mental health is. I try to look up answers to if this is really sexual assault but can’t seem to know or believe it. I feel like I’m lying to myself about it but I am still in disbelief. I really need to know was this sexual assault? Was I taken advantage of being drunk? Thank you for reading I never told anyone about this besides my close girl friends and just recently my mother. 

Sorry this happened. How old were you and how many years ago was this?.

It's great you told your mother, but that's not the same as going to a physician about the anxiety, depression and trauma and getting ongoing support.

Hopefully you are not still binge drinking and have addressed that as well.

It's not a question of was it assault or not. It's a question of what you can do about it now. Most likely you can not press charges because there's no evidence (since your friends didn't take you to the ER) and it was years ago.

Talk to a therapist if you wish to start your recovery from this.

[Abbbii]

3 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Sorry this happened. How old were you and how many years ago was this?.

It's great you told your mother, but that's not the same as going to a physician about the anxiety, depression and trauma and getting ongoing support.

Hopefully you are not still binge drinking and have addressed that as well.

It's not a question of was it assault or not. It's a question of what you can do about it now. Most likely you can not press charges because there's no evidence (since your friends didn't take you to the ER) and it was years ago.

Talk to a therapist if you wish to start your recovery from this.

Thank you for responding. I do currently get therapy for severe depression. I never felt ready nor wanted to talk to anyone about the topic because I personally thought over time I would get over it. It was about 4 years ago I was 18 years old and now I do not drink at all because I personally do not like to at all. It was just a time period where I was a teenager and wanted to have some fun like most teenagers in high school. Telling my story about this online here really just helps me get answers before coming out about to family and my therapist which is really helping. I do see myself recovering from it it’s just some days the thought of it in my mind throws me off which I feel like it’s probably from keeping it a secret for so long that it’s making me feel like I can’t escape it fully.

[Seraphim]

3 minutes ago, Abbbii said:

Thank you for responding. I do currently get therapy for severe depression. I never felt ready nor wanted to talk to anyone about the topic because I personally thought over time I would get over it. It was about 4 years ago I was 18 years old and now I do not drink at all because I personally do not like to at all. It was just a time period where I was a teenager and wanted to have some fun like most teenagers in high school. Telling my story about this online here really just helps me get answers before coming out about to family and my therapist which is really helping. I do see myself recovering from it it’s just some days the thought of it in my mind throws me off which I feel like it’s probably from keeping it a secret for so long that it’s making me feel like I can’t escape it fully.

I think it would benefit you to tell your therapist. They can’t treat all of you if you hide vital parts. As a sexual assault and abuse survivor I found treatment to be vital in reclaiming my life. Trauma doesn’t go away even if we try to ignore it. I tried that route too and I got worse. 
 

I know it is a difficult thing to bring up or admit it even happened but the shame should NEVER be yours it is the shame of the person committing the crime. 

[Rose Mosse]

I'm sorry to hear this. Yes, it sounds like he did take advantage of you and if that's the case it was wrong. You should not be shamed. Keep talking about it and speaking out about it. Work with your therapist. Maybe you will find a calling as well working against violence against women. Never feel silenced or shamed for what has happened to you. 

I also want to say a kudos to you for telling your mother about this as well. That must have taken a lot of courage.