Help me please .

[Beatriz]

I've been friends with this guy for nearly 7 years.  We meet at school in 5th grade, used to be very easily influenced by people and hang out with the bad girls.  I has mean to him until I start hanging out him when he said he was going to move to England.  

when he moved I don't know happened but we keep talking by email for like and then we started video call and sending messages very often, until today.  (3 years after he moved to England I moved there too, we live 3 hours apart) With this pandemic, look down this we would video call nearly everyday.

 And this was when started overthinking everything he said, and may friends and family have always found my friendship with him strange and that we secretly dated.  that got in head.  

Then the what ifs happen then, the weird dreams ... So l kinda started asking him things to see if he liked me more than a friend.  the answer was no.  but you no no idea how difficult it is to read him.  He is just confusing, he keeps telling me to wear this sexy dresses and others thing.  If remember I said I was pretty sure he didn't like me back, so started the process of not liking him anymore.

 we were video chatting with some friends from our country when they asked if we finally got together.  I start being very awkward.  He said 'Not yet', joking (I guess?).  When the video call finished He call me back just to say goodbye, I started asking about the "Not yet ', then he asked me if I liked him, want to say anything because did want ruin this friendship but ask for the truth (I  can't lie), he said nothing would change.then I said that was in the process into not liking him anymore.

Then *** I was panicking, acting awkward but something got into me now fell ok. weeks past sense that and we been  talking and less. I do my best to but he seems to not want to talk to me anymore. He does like talking to me when he is not OK and guess friend should talk even when things are not soo good.  do I just think Today I ruined everything a- If anyone reads this and if you have any suggestions, please help

[Rose Mosse]

Don't reach out to him anymore. He knows how you feel and he's stringing you along or not interested. If he tells you to put on sexy dresses again, don't. You do not have to do what he says. Reverse the roles and ask yourself how ridiculous it would be if you told him to put on sexy man briefs. Would he laugh at you if you said that out of the blue? 

Let this one go. I know you like him but don't chase after someone who doesn't make you feel good and is confusing. 

[Beatriz]

9 minutes ago, Rose Mosse said:

Don't reach out to him anymore. He knows how you feel and he's stringing you along or not interested. If he tells you to put on sexy dresses again, don't. You do not have to do what he says. Reverse the roles and ask yourself how ridiculous it would be if you told him to put on sexy man briefs. Would he laugh at you if you said that out of the blue? 

Let this one go. I know you like him but don't chase after someone who doesn't make you feel good and is confusing. 

Thanks for the advice but he just suggests me to wear sexy dresses because he thinks it would look good on me. Sorry I used the wrong word if that changes anything

[Sensitive Susie]

This sounds like an unrequited love situation. As a person who dealt with this kind of hot and cold "relationship" for almost a decade - RUN, don't walk!

 

This man uses you to entertain him when he's bored and essentially to stroke his ego. I'm sure he finds you attractive. But attraction alone is not enough to start it maintain a relationship. You can be physically attracted to someone but have no desire to have any sort of romantic relationship with them.

 

It's covid-19, and you probably won't see him in person again anyway. Cut your losses, go completely no contact, and then he comes back again (and believe me, if he feels you lessening contact, he will!), Don't react or respond! Grieve your loss privately with close friends and family i.e. don't talk about this on social media platforms.

 

It's been over a year since I last spoke with the person I was stupidly one-sidedly in love with, and what I've finally been able to focus on my own life without worrying about his; it's very freeing and you can do this!!!

 

 

[Wiseman2]

10 hours ago, Beatriz said:

Thanks for the advice but he just suggests me to wear sexy dresses because he thinks it would look good on me. Sorry I used the wrong word if that changes anything

There's nothing wrong with having friends and penpals.

However he's been very clear about just being friends .

If you want to date, get on some quality dating apps and start talking to and meeting men.

If you can't handle the friendship, pull back. It doesn't matter what he suggests you wear.

[Rose Mosse]

17 hours ago, Beatriz said:

Thanks for the advice but he just suggests me to wear sexy dresses because he thinks it would look good on me. Sorry I used the wrong word if that changes anything

He doesn't see you as more than a friend. I think his comments about suggesting you wear anything sexy is subversive and inappropriate. I can see why you are confused and why you think this person might be giving you mixed messages. Please never ever pay attention to random comments suggesting that you have to show of your body in sexy ways. He's frankly got no right to make any suggestions of the kind. 

Keep him as a friend if you like but tell him respectfully you do not appreciate comments about the way you dress the next time you speak with him if he tries to get you to dress sexy. I think it's sending out the wrong message to young women especially your age (grade 12? are you 17 or 18?). 

Go on and date men who see you for what you are as a person and beyond what's skin deep.