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I was tempted to put this under personal growth because that's really what this is for me but, more specifically, it revolves around a break-up. This is mostly me just getting my thoughts out and Im open to feedback.

We were together for over three years. I recently concluded that because of some pretty major fundamental differences, we just aren't a good match. They are differences that have shown up in different areas of our relationship and have been an ongoing struggle for me for some time now. You could say "recklessness" is a common theme. I wanted to see this challenge as a growth opportunity for us both but realized that there are just some things Im not willing to compromise on any more than I already have. Some things just don't feel right. I have limits. My therapist said at the end of our last session, "Be true to yourself". And I think this is what he meant. I know my boundaries and I have to honor them.

What makes this so hard is that we love and care for each other deeply. We both give each other a sense comfort and support, something we both strongly desire, and we have been through so much. I can truly say this is the first time I have let someone go that I cared for this much. I am struggling to accept he is probably moving on. And I am finding it hard to fight the feeling of wanting to hear his voice say all the right things I know he'd say. Im questioning if Im doing the right thing. But I think this is the best way to find out - giving each other space and breaking our dependency so that I can see more clearly. Even if it means losing him.

 

I guess that's it for me for now. 

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4 minutes ago, intrinsic76 said:

I was tempted to put this under personal growth because that's really what this is for me but, more specifically, it revolves around a break-up. This is mostly me just getting my thoughts out and Im open to feedback.

We were together for over three years. I recently concluded that because of some pretty major fundamental differences, we just aren't a good match. They are differences that have shown up in different areas of our relationship and have been an ongoing struggle for me for some time now. You could say "recklessness" is a common theme. I wanted to see this challenge as a growth opportunity for us both but realized that there are just some things Im not willing to compromise on any more than I already have. Some things just don't feel right. I have limits. My therapist said at the end of our last session, "Be true to yourself". And I think this is what he meant. I know my boundaries and I have to honor them.

What makes this so hard is that we love and care for each other deeply. We both give each other a sense comfort and support, something we both strongly desire, and we have been through so much. I can truly say this is the first time I have let someone go that I cared for this much. I am struggling to accept he is probably moving on. And I am finding it hard to fight the feeling of wanting to hear his voice say all the right things I know he'd say. Im questioning if Im doing the right thing. But I think this is the best way to find out - giving each other space and breaking our dependency so that I can see more clearly. Even if it means losing him.

 

I guess that's it for me for now. 

 

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19 minutes ago, intrinsic76 said:

I was tempted to put this under personal growth because that's really what this is for me but, more specifically, it revolves around a break-up. This is mostly me just getting my thoughts out and Im open to feedback.

We were together for over three years. I recently concluded that because of some pretty major fundamental differences, we just aren't a good match. They are differences that have shown up in different areas of our relationship and have been an ongoing struggle for me for some time now. You could say "recklessness" is a common theme. I wanted to see this challenge as a growth opportunity for us both but realized that there are just some things Im not willing to compromise on any more than I already have. Some things just don't feel right. I have limits. My therapist said at the end of our last session, "Be true to yourself". And I think this is what he meant. I know my boundaries and I have to honor them.

What makes this so hard is that we love and care for each other deeply. We both give each other a sense comfort and support, something we both strongly desire, and we have been through so much. I can truly say this is the first time I have let someone go that I cared for this much. I am struggling to accept he is probably moving on. And I am finding it hard to fight the feeling of wanting to hear his voice say all the right things I know he'd say. Im questioning if Im doing the right thing. But I think this is the best way to find out - giving each other space and breaking our dependency so that I can see more clearly. Even if it means losing him.

 

I guess that's it for me for now. 

See the phrase I bolded.

Everything you just typed...that is growth.

I know it’s difficult, but everything worth having usually is. I think you should be proud of yourself, and one day, you will thank yourself. Hats off to you!

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16 minutes ago, indea08 said:

See the phrase I bolded.

Everything you just typed...that is growth.

I know it’s difficult, but everything worth having usually is. I think you should be proud of yourself, and one day, you will thank yourself. Hats off to you!

I agree and I think your therapist used a time worn cliche which isn't really helpful in any specific way.  I'd avoid overthinking and overanalyzing and using big psychological terms because that is distracting and could lead to you justify staying to "work on things".  Get basic - do the pros outweigh the cons.  Are you still compatible for the long term?  Do you like who he is and do you respect and admire who he is?  Sounds like no and I am sorry you are in this situation -I get it!!

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I think we could be more helpful if you didn't write as though we already know what the problem was. I mean, you said a lot without really saying anything specific.

What, exactly, were the things you wouldn't compromise on, and what about this relationship was 'reckless'?

Edited by catfeeder
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If you have doubts and have to question the relationship, it wasn't meant to be for a reason. 

Staying true to yourself means you have convictions which are unwavering, steadfast and absolute.  You don't compromise your values and principles. 

Whenever you think of incompatibility, values and character differences, it helps lessen the sting of parting of ways. 

Edited by Cherylyn
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On 2/26/2021 at 8:54 AM, intrinsic76 said:

I recently concluded that because of some pretty major fundamental differences, we just aren't a good match.

This is all you need to know. Although someone isn't a good match it doesn't mean that he/she is a bad person overall. It is all right to walk away from something that no longer grows you or brings you joy or adds to your life in positive ways. Whatever you've learned from the past you can use it and take it with you. If that means being a bit more in tune with what makes you happy or what serves you better/qualities in a person that are better matched to you, you can learn from that. Call it a little toolbox. 

I'm guessing your post was vague for a reason because you're still working through a lot of emotions that are hard to talk about. Good for you for making those first steps, moving forwards.

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