Jump to content

My boyfriend(19M) is still friends w/ his female friends who despise me. What do I do?


Recommended Posts

Hi everyone. I do not usually do these type of things but I am in a bit of a pickle right now.

My boyfriend and I have been dating for about 2-3 years now and have been a bit rocky. Nevertheless, we still try to make things work out. The problem I'm having is is female friends that he is still friends with. Most of these friends have either been failed talking stages or friends that have stuck by him for awhile. I know they treat him good and try to be a good friend for him but they hate me.

Whenever I am the topic of their discussion, they mock and ridicule me on my looks and personality. They say I'm a we or that I am annoying. Hell his female best friend since middle school had a deep talk with him saying how I'm too skinny to be sxually appealing to her and that she does not see why people find me so attractive when all I do is "wh0re myself out." Kind of ironic when she is the type of person that advocates for body positivity and mental health yet somehow always villainizes me no matter the case of if I am right or wrong.

My boyfriend and I have talked about this and he understands my frustrations and sadness towards his female friends. I did not want to be toxic so I told him it is up for him to decide on what he wants to do with his female friends.

I just want some advice on whether or not I am in the wrong or if the female friends are. I also would like some advice on what to do in this scenario. Thank you for your time. Have a nice day!

Edited by nagatorostan0002
typos
Link to post
Share on other sites

Sorry this is happening. Perhaps it's time to reconsider the relationship.

Why date someone who 'things are rocky' with and who needs an army of haters around who he claims are his best friends.

Your BF is  at the center of all this and lapping up all this catfighting and hating at your expense. It makes him feel cool to have girls fight over him.

Reconsider if someone like this is worth all the headaches and heartaches, when you could have a decent BF.

Edited by Wiseman2
  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
7 minutes ago, nagatorostan0002 said:

saying how I'm too skinny to be sxually appealing to her and that she does not see why people find me so attractive when all I do is "wh0re myself out."

Well no, you do not need this type of nasty treatment! 😞 

Sounds like she has some mental health issue's ( you mentioned- like quite negative).

But, has nothing to to with her, re: what you are like.. It is between you and your bf.  HE should be standing up for you - these are his friends... Can he maybe avoid having them around when you are hanging with him?  Will he speak up for you? (tell her he does not want to hear her opinion).

 

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

I think after a couple of years together AND that you have not done anything to them, he should be more loyal to you. 

it seems like an ego thing for him... like Wiseman said. And really you don't need this crap.

You have other options you can explore. We really do train people on how to treat us.

Next time it comes up, I'd put my foot down and say, you know, I'm sick of being the punching bag to your friends, while you just sit by and let them dog me. 

If he does respond the way you want, meaning an agreement & plan to change in his behavior with them... then I'd say, you know what? I'm going home.  Leave and let him stew on what you said.  

as my mum would say... with a boyfriend like him, who needs an enemy.

Edited by Lambert
  • Like 3
Link to post
Share on other sites
Quote
6 minutes ago, Hollyj said:

What were the issues with your bf?  
 

Why do these women hate you? 

 

I don't know what you mean by "the issues" if you could elaborate that will be great.

As far as why they hate me. It's more of they've always hated me from the get go. Even when we were civil with one another, they always had something snarky to say about me to my boyfriend. 

Link to post
Share on other sites

It's because you are stealing the attention from them they normally get from him. This dynamic will never change.

Me personal stayed away from guys that had mostly female friends. I went through similar...they were calling me a s%^& and stuff. It's petty.

It would be wise to depart from this relationship and find someone that has a good mix of nice friends that accept you, and let you become part of their social circle.

Edited by smackie9
  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
53 minutes ago, nagatorostan0002 said:

I don't know what you mean by "the issues" if you could elaborate that will be great.

As far as why they hate me. It's more of they've always hated me from the get go. Even when we were civil with one another, they always had something snarky to say about me to my boyfriend. 

You said the relationship had been “rocky.”

Your bf should have your back.  Personally, I would not continue a friendship with someone who trashes my partner.  I don’t understand why you have continued with someone like this.  

 

 

Edited by Hollyj
  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

If you want to know who a man really is, take a good look at the company he keeps.

He keeps these friendships because they reflect who he is and how he thinks deep down. He enjoys the hate even if he won't admit it out loud. His actions and choices speak for themselves. He's known them longer than you and these are the kinds of friends he is actively choosing for himself. He doesn't have to be friends with them, he is CHOOSING to.

A better question is why do you keep sticking around hoping for something to change? The dynamic hasn't changed in the entire time you've been with him. You know the definition of insanity.....right? Doing the same thing hoping for a different result....

It's long past due for you to part ways. Should have walked early on. This is one of those life experience things - pay attention and judge early on and walk away fast when you see problems. Do not ever sink more time and years of your life into someone who has never treated you right just because you've already sunk in some time. Yes, keeping around friends who are always sh$ting on you is on him and by extension him not treating you right. He doesn't stand up for you because deep down....he likes the drama and gets off on it. This is not the kind of a man and the kind of a relationship you want in your life.

Link to post
Share on other sites

If they say this behind your back, how do you hear about it?  If your boyfriend feels the need to tell you all the crap they said, and still stays friends with them, toss this guy out on the street.  He does this to rip you down.  I had this one friend who was saying the dumbest sh*t about my hubs, and you know what, I cut her off last month.  

The problem is not you - it's him.  You really are not fully sure what they say. They could be saying nothing. And he tells them all these "nasty things" you say about them.  It's drama he thrives on. Guys like this are are a pile of rocks. Drop them - they don't do anything to give you wings.

These girls aren't family.  He doesn't have to stay friends with them.

Link to post
Share on other sites

This would be a lesson in watching the company a person keeps. You're two to three years invested in the relationship now so I can understand how upset you are and that you feel you have a say and opinion about these people. Maybe you thought this would work itself out and those friends would calm down or be a bit more reasonable. It hasn't worked out that way and at this point I think they are expecting you to react. Do nothing. 

Do the exact opposite of what all of them are doing and do absolutely nothing. You can choose to stay and accept that this is who he is or you can leave. Either way, responding to this is a waste of energy and time. Don't take the bait. 

Link to post
Share on other sites
1 hour ago, nagatorostan0002 said:

I did not want to be toxic so I told him it is up for him to decide on what he wants to do with his female friends.

Yes it is up to him to decide, yet on the flip side it's up to you to read between the lines in order to see if he's on your side,  along with showing you respect. so to speak. 

Your call, choose wisely.

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites

What would a mature guy who loved you do? He'd tell his "friend," "It's a shame you don't like my girlfriend, but I love her and you're not to ever say anything negative about her again. If you do, we can't be friends."

And then he wouldn't relay the nasty thing she said about you. He'd just tell you he's decided to no longer be friends with her because any friend who can't be happy for him and his gf can no longer be a part of his life. Because relaying hurtful things to you does nothing but hurt you, of course. What other purpose does it serve? He sounds passive-aggressive. It also sounds like he likes a sicko harem and gets off on the toxicity.

You likely started this relationship as a teen or young woman. You might think this is normal troubles everyone deals with, but that's definitely not the case.

When you break up with this loser and get time and distance away, you'll likely shake your head at why you stayed so long. I know that happened to me with someone who was wrong for me on many levels.

  • Like 1
  • Thanks 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

Your boyfriend lacks devotion and loyalty to you.  If he truly loves you, he would've defended, distanced and disassociated himself with friends who say mean comments about you.  If your boyfriend doesn't have your back, you need to determine whether or not your boyfriend is worth keeping in your life.  He doesn't place you as top priority in his life.  He should protect and shield you yet he does not.  One of these days, your patience will wear thin and you'll decide if he's the one for you or NOT.  It's your choice.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

What would I do in your situation? I would dump his butt and not look back!

If anyone at all says mean things about you, the one person who should be defending you, is your boyfriend.

The fact that he is allowing his friends to talk about you this way and treat you this way, shows very badly on him.

He is a useless boyfriend and one who does not love you.

 

 

Link to post
Share on other sites
On 2/25/2021 at 2:18 PM, nagatorostan0002 said:

I also would like some advice on what to do in this scenario.

I would not stay with a guy who keeps company with people who insult me. Neither should you. It's a losing battle. You can do a lot better. Come on.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Restore formatting

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

×
×
  • Create New...