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my girlfriend cheats on me but I don't want to loose her


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What would you do....My girlfriend is cheating on me with a guy who thinks she is single and vergin....I found out his name and I have a way to tell him the true about the situation anonymously so she won't be angry at me,  but I don't know if I want to do it as I still love her very much and I don't want to see her hurt...i think the guy deserve to know what my girlfriend is really like and maybe deep down I hope that she will come back to me.....so what would you do?

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What was the breakup about

13 minutes ago, disaster5003 said:

 I hope that she will come back to me.....

What was the breakup about?  How long were you dating? How long ago did you break up?

How old is she?

How do you know about her new BF? Why bother contacting him? 

Contact your ex GF and ask to talk about getting back together.

 

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This is really sad. You clearly care for this person, but they're not showing much care and consideration for you if they're doing this. 

How long have you been together? How did you find out she was cheating?

And in terms of the worry about anger, I can understand this worry (I get the vibe you don't like confrontation?) but you should really be the one angry with her, and you have every right to be.

You would do much better with someone who sees your value and worth and would never even think of doing this to you. I know that in my previous relationship, my head was never even turned towards somebody else 

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What she is really like?

If she is cheating on you - it's fact.

Approach him, so she won't be mad at you?  She deserves to be told.

I guess you went thru her phone because you were suspicious - and correct.

 

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24 minutes ago, disaster5003 said:

We have been living  together for 2 years now and I found out checking her phone....I know I should be angry with her but I love her and I don't want to loose her...so should I tell the other guy?

Were you suspicious of her behavior? What prompted you to check her phone? If you contact the other guy she'll know you checked her phone, so you may as well talk to her directly about what's going on.

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50 minutes ago, disaster5003 said:

We have been living  together for 2 years now and I found out checking her phone....I know I should be angry with her but I love her and I don't want to loose her...so should I tell the other guy?

 

 

If this is really how you feel, then no, you shouldn’t tell the other guy. If you’re not going to leave her, then why create more drama? You might as well make the situation as smooth as you can, not because she deserves that but because YOU do.

What do you want from this? I assume to stay with her and convince her to stop seeing him? I do think you should talk to her, but again, if you still want to stay together, you have to be very careful how you approach the topic. She knows she’s doing wrong, so she will be defensive. Your best bet is to approach it from the “help me understand” angle. “I want to work through this together, so help me understand how this happened and let’s try to fix the problems.”

You should know, I don’t agree that you should stay with her. I think you’re only teaching her that it’s okay to treat you this way. But I understand that sometimes you just need to know that you did all you could. Whatever happens, you will be okay eventually, and I hope it all works out for you.

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Thanks for the reply...the fact is we already talked about it....I asked her to make a choice and she stayed with me but still keeps contact with him via txt and calls...my hope is that if I tell the guy and he leaves her she will stay with me and loved me like before....am I wrong?

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5 minutes ago, disaster5003 said:

.I asked her to make a choice and she stayed with me but still keeps contact with him via txt and calls

And you trust her?  WHY is she continuing with him?

I am guessing this didn't just happen if you two have spoken - and you know they are still talking..

IMO, if someone truly loves you, they would not cheat.  There's reasons for cheating.

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22 minutes ago, disaster5003 said:

 we already talked about it....I asked her to make a choice and she stayed with me but still keeps contact with him via txt and calls. my hope is that if I tell the guy and he leaves her she will stay with me and loved me like before.

Isn't up to her is she stays and loves you, not this guy?

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2 hours ago, disaster5003 said:

Thanks for the reply...the fact is we already talked about it....I asked her to make a choice and she stayed with me but still keeps contact with him via txt and calls...my hope is that if I tell the guy and he leaves her she will stay with me and loved me like before....am I wrong?

She didn't make any choice, she is carrying on as before continuing to cheat knowing you don't have the self respect to dump her.

You can't go back because she has never loved you and doesn't love him either. Cheaters ONLY love themselves and use you and others as needed. Right now you are useful because you are providing room and board for her.

If you choose to accept this situation, then you have to accept that there will always be some guy on the side because she feels entitled to that. Eventually, she will discard you for a bigger better deal, so don't get too comfortable with the idea that if you just turn a blind eye to her cheating, everything will be fine. It won't. Consider also that you are at risk of STD's. Adults don't just chat, they eventually have sex.

Please look up codependence and try to sort yourself out. Nobody deserves or needs to stay with a cheater. That's not love, that's fear driving your decisions.

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She doesn't care about or respect you.  

Your dependence on her is very sad.  Have you considered some counseling for your lack of self worth?

Get  tested and always use condoms.  You will have a lifetime of cheating with this woman.   

Edited by Hollyj
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2 hours ago, disaster5003 said:

Thanks for the reply...the fact is we already talked about it....I asked her to make a choice and she stayed with me but still keeps contact with him via txt and calls...my hope is that if I tell the guy and he leaves her she will stay with me and loved me like before....am I wrong?

So what you’re saying is you brought it to her attention and she decided to continue on as is, with both boyfriends. What was the point of even bringing it up if you’re going to continue with her, while she continues with him?

And yes, you’re wrong. Even if this guy goes away, SHE is the issue and she’ll find another guy. SHE is the one you should make go away.

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5 hours ago, disaster5003 said:

i think the guy deserve to know what my girlfriend is really like and maybe deep down I hope that she will come back to me.....so what would you do?

I'm sure it's not a walk in the park, but I'd attempt to force myself to see this for what it is.  I can only speak for myself but (imo) cheating is a one and done deal, and unless you choose to continuously walk on hot coals, there's no future to be had.

Also, rather than confront this other guy, I'd call her bluff by showing her that you have enough self respect to walk away. 

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3 hours ago, disaster5003 said:

Thanks for the reply...the fact is we already talked about it....I asked her to make a choice and she stayed with me but still keeps contact with him via txt and calls...my hope is that if I tell the guy and he leaves her she will stay with me and loved me like before....am I wrong?

This is a bit of a triangle. I hope you see that by meddling with someone else's friendship or relationship with someone else it's not a good way to start off the rest of your lives together. You're living together. Do you have any kids with her? Why do you want to be with someone so badly that you'd be willing to go behind someone's back to keep them? 

They say the road to hell is paved with good intentions.. this might be one of them. Don't go behind anyone's back please in order to save a relationship. 

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Thanks to all that have reply...I do want to tell the other guy so he doesn't suffer what I'm suffering....he thinks she is an innocent good girl and still a virgin!!! Should I not inform him now before he falls for her as I have? I do want to move on but I love her a lot and I do fear that I will never forgive myself if I tell her we are done without first trying everything I can

..I promise myself that if by the end of the year thinks are the same as now that will be the end...at least I tried...what you people think?

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9 minutes ago, disaster5003 said:

he thinks she is an innocent good girl and still a virgin

Why would he think that if she has been living with you for 2 years?

Why does she live with you if she's in love with someone else and you've even discussed that? Is she a roommate? Do you support her? Is he married? 

Edited by Wiseman2
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15 minutes ago, disaster5003 said:

Thanks to all that have reply...I do want to tell the other guy so he doesn't suffer what I'm suffering....he thinks she is an innocent good girl and still a virgin!!! Should I not inform him now before he falls for her as I have? I do want to move on but I love her a lot and I do fear that I will never forgive myself if I tell her we are done without first trying everything I can

..I promise myself that if by the end of the year thinks are the same as now that will be the end...at least I tried...what you people think?

I think you are fooling yourself. Please read "Codependent No More" and help yourself. Again, it's not love, it's fear and ego talking and that will lead you into feeling worse and worse in a downward spiral. 

When someone cheats on you, you kick them out of your life with extreme prejudice. No and's or but's about that. They've shown you who they are - believe them and, more importantly, believe that you actually deserve better than a cheating ho.

As for the other guy, don't assume he is like you. He isn't. 

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3 hours ago, disaster5003 said:

Thanks to all that have reply...I do want to tell the other guy so he doesn't suffer what I'm suffering....he thinks she is an innocent good girl and still a virgin!!! Should I not inform him now before he falls for her as I have? I do want to move on but I love her a lot and I do fear that I will never forgive myself if I tell her we are done without first trying everything I can

..I promise myself that if by the end of the year thinks are the same as now that will be the end...at least I tried...what you people think?

I think you need to seek counselling.

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4 hours ago, disaster5003 said:

Thanks to all that have reply...I do want to tell the other guy so he doesn't suffer what I'm suffering....he thinks she is an innocent good girl and still a virgin!!! Should I not inform him now before he falls for her as I have? I do want to move on but I love her a lot and I do fear that I will never forgive myself if I tell her we are done without first trying everything I can

..I promise myself that if by the end of the year thinks are the same as now that will be the end...at least I tried...what you people think?

Her being a good girl or virgin shouldn't be a topic or of any debate. Why are you so concerned about what he feels? Don't make it about the other guy or bother appearing that you care about what he thinks or feels. It's manipulative and passive aggressive. You're really in this for yourself, to stake claim and own this woman. Focus on you and bettering your life without all this.

What's sad is that she doesn't have the guts to dump you or leave you in the first place if she's out with someone else. She knows that you're lost without her and she can do whatever she wants and you don't know how to leave. The only thing you should be doing is leaving the relationship yourself because there's nothing you can do to control or force someone to love you back. 

 

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10 hours ago, disaster5003 said:

Thanks to all that have reply...I do want to tell the other guy so he doesn't suffer what I'm suffering....he thinks she is an innocent good girl and still a virgin!!! Should I not inform him now before he falls for her as I have? I do want to move on but I love her a lot and I do fear that I will never forgive myself if I tell her we are done without first trying everything I can

..I promise myself that if by the end of the year thinks are the same as now that will be the end...at least I tried...what you people think?

She doesn't care.   It takes two people to want a relationship.  She does not want you.

Do not talk to him!  You will look like a fool.  

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19 hours ago, disaster5003 said:

i think the guy deserve to know what my girlfriend is really like and maybe deep down I hope that she will come back to me.

Never mind the other guy, YOU know now what your girlfriend is really like, so why would you want her back anyway? She's shown you that she's a cheat, a liar and someone who has no consideration for your feelings. You may think you love her, but the trust has been broken and clearly her feelings for you do not match yours for her. 

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