Loving an alcoholic - letting go

[Bella1234]

My ex was an alcoholic. I fell in love but it still hurts that we parted ways. Some may say I dodged a bullet, others will say that I put up with it.  I used to view him drinking 8 coolers and a half a bottle of whiskey a night as normal after awhile.  This happened nightly.  Never a night of not drinking. On wkds I used to think it was becoming normal he was drinking hard liquor to get through the day at 9am.  I used to wake up to my blankets being torn off from him falling on the floor.  I’ve been yelled at, tossed into the couch for confronting him about a txt from his ex wife.  I’ve been name called, gaslighted, accused of stating fights and arguments if I brought up my needs or anything he’s done to hurt me emotionally.  I blamed myself.  I’ve been yelled at for being too tired for sex.  Hes stormed out of the room in a rage and slept on the couch.  He’s been given a warning regarding his attendance at work. He’s finding it financially hard to keep up.  All the lies he told me about us having a family were all lies he was blacked out and I never realized all along he was only in love with the bottle perhaps.  I grew the courage to leave as I have two little children but after all this it still hurts...I just wanted to share.. 

[Hollyj]

Have you sought therapy to deal with this?

[Wiseman2]

13 minutes ago, Bella1234 said:

I grew the courage to leave as I have two little children but after all this it still hurts.

Excellent. Here's some info on and support for people who have or have had alcoholics in their lives:

https://al-anon.org/newcomers/self-quiz/adult-quiz/

 

[SooSad33]

26 minutes ago, Bella1234 said:

 I’ve been name called, gaslighted, accused of stating fights and arguments if I brought up my needs or anything he’s done to hurt me emotionally.  I blamed myself.  I’ve been yelled at for being too tired for sex.  Hes stormed out of the room in a rage and slept on the couch.

I say Trauma bonding.. you get so mis treated yet sill stick around 😞 

None of this is acceptable!

Drunks are a hot mess... for sure get yourself out of that!

 

27 minutes ago, Bella1234 said:

All the lies he told me about us having a family were all lies he was blacked out and I never realized all along he was only in love with the bottle perhaps

Not sure how long together?  No, you do NOT want kids with this!!

I have an alcoholic ex- this is what they become.. They are married to the bottle.  Now you see WHY you don't want HIM as a father - You have 2 kids of your own here... take care of THEM and yoruself - stay single a while and get over this mess.

[Rose Mosse]

I'm glad you are out. Yes, do seek support and counselling for yourself. This must have been very traumatic. 

[Bella1234]

On 2/24/2021 at 1:59 PM, Hollyj said:

Have you sought therapy to deal with this?

I haven’t yet. I have just been reading online and watching different videos.. speaking with close friend and family is all I’ve done so far. 

[Bella1234]

On 2/24/2021 at 2:24 PM, Rose Mosse said:

I'm glad you are out. Yes, do seek support and counselling for yourself. This must have been very traumatic. 

Thx you, each day gets a little easier, thank you for reading my post. 

[Rose Mosse]

It's good that you have friends and family. It's fine to take time to think on your own or listen to your own thoughts too. Hope your kids are doing okay also and adjusting.