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Is it time for me to propose to him?


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I wish I could have been married before age 35 to try to have a child earlier (although my friend had all of her children before age 35, two have special needs, my son was born when I was 42, no special needs).  Since you are 30 and a doctor you know you can freeze your eggs, right?  That's what I would do -it wasn't yet a viable option for me when I asked about it when I was 32, 22 years ago.  He doesn't want to marry you and you know what -you don't need a proposal to get married - you can just..... get married.  And have a party to celebrate the marriage later if you like. 

People who want to get married -adults especially (meaning really young people might not have $ or still be in school, etc) - get married!  Proposing to him doesn't make a difference here.  I think it's a great idea to propose ..... if the couple operate that way, if it's supposed to make it even more special - but not because the other person has doubts about marrying you.  Never ever because of that.  I was the "runaway bride' including when I was your age and I was proposed to by men who wanted me to convince me to marry them. Made me even more anxious.  Please don't.  

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OK.....you asked, he rejected you.

What is it going to take for you to finally realize that he is NOT going to marry you, has zero intentions of doing so and is NOT partner material for you????

This has really become a game of why can't you take a NO for an answer. I have no doubt that you are a highly driven person and that your intuitive reaction is to push harder, work harder and it's brought a lot of success into your life. Unfortunately, THAT very same drive doesn't work in relationships. You cannot force, beg, work hard someone into wanting the life that you want. When it comes to relationships, you actually have to learn to do the complete opposite and let go quickly of those who do not fit and live up to what you want.

Also, for the love of, do not look at his family for confirmation of your desires. HE is the only one who matters and he told you NO and that's the only opinion that's relevant.

I will say this again, if you do not wake up and leave this guy today, you will end up wasting many more years on him waiting and waiting and eventually he will dump you for someone younger while you will be left with NOTHING. No relationship, too old to have children, etc. Get out of this mess today.

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On 2/23/2021 at 1:11 PM, cbzfmoc said:

I feel like the idea of proposing is stressful to him and not something he super wants to do. Additionally, he is basically opposed to engagement rings (as the idea was invented by the De Beers ad campaign) 

When your partner cannot give you any reason why they don't want to get married, and put it off, is because they don't want to marry you.  I know that's an answer no one wants to hear, but it's right in front of your face.  He makes no goal post - like a job, amount of money.

In fact, all this sounds like is you settling.  Settling with a guy who won't marry you. That the idea of getting you jewelry is a crock of media lies.  Um, no. I have seen many a happy couple propose with a relatively inexpensive ring or a ring they get from their parents, aunts, relatives.  Or no ring at all.

Instead of ultimatums which never work, just have a timeline in your mind.  You can either say, I'd like to be married in two years time. If this is something you don't want with me, we need to go our separate ways now.  And that is not an ultimatum. It's a life goal you want to know if you both share together.

Cuz lady, staying with him only makes you tunnel vision onto him, as good men who want to marry you fly by left and right.  And you will find them once you stop settling.  

It's one thing if it's a money thing or an age thing, or a work thing, but it's 100% another thing if they can't give you a reason why.  Talk is cheap. He can say he wants to marry you, but then adds, "someday".

"Someday" doesn't cut it. 

And BTW, most people trace the origin of wedding rings to the Egyptians, and there is evidence that cavemen (and women) exchanged rings made of plant materials. It appears that Neanderthals tied “rings” made of twigs and reeds around their fingers to symbolize their commitments.  It's not a DeBeers thing - that's just him giving you 100% BS.

Edited by tattoobunnie
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On 2/23/2021 at 1:11 PM, cbzfmoc said:

However, there is a part of me that is terrified this is not what he really wants and that he truly isn't ready and he says no and then we break up...

Follow through with that thought. If he says no, and you break up, what would be your game plan?

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I see that it's fear that has tied you to this guy for years. Afraid he may leave you when you wanted to live together...so you waited 3 years. It's now 5 years and he's pushing away the idea of marriage. If you speak of it, or propose, you fear he will leave you. Can you not see how bad this is? It's so wrong on so many levels.

To be with the one, you would be sharing in the happiness of planning a future together, the joy/excitement of tying the knot in front of friends and family, already naming your children, looking forward to a lifetime together, etc. You have none of this. You are a grown a$$ woman, you need to get over your fear, and dump this guy. He's not interested in what you hope for/dream about. Snap out of it. You relying on him is a dead end. 

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