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Worried about leaving bf during lockdown


VintageSoul83

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I don't want to be in this relationship anymore but I'm worried about leaving my boyfriend as he relies on me financially to a certain extent and his mental health would suffer. I'm currently living with him and if I went back to my parents he would be on his own in his flat everyday as he works from home. He struggles with depression and anxiety and isn't good at looking after himself eg forgets to take his tablets, doesnt keep track of bills etc. I also help with his son and pick him up on weekends as boyf doesn't drive. I know its not my responsibility but I do care about him as a person and would feel terrible if he didn't cope, I feel stuck. 

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You can't take care of anyone or even begin to think of another person properly without taking care of yourself so before any charitable acts or kindness, take care of you. 

Move out and take care of your mental health. Your boyfriend will cope and you can refer him to his doctors. Check in with him once a month if you want or once a week but be clear that he needs to work on himself. 

Where is the mother of his kid? 

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This is very unhealthy.   You are not his bank, parent or therapist and you should not stay tethered to this guy, as it is not your responsibility.  What would you do, stay with him forever?   How did he function before you met? Your behavior is not helping him grow, actually the opposite.  Why should he take his meds, get a job, and be responsible when you will do it all.  This is enabling.  

 

You need to leave, as you have your own life.  Contact his family etc...   I also suggest you look into co dependence to understand what brought you to this place and why you stayed.   What attracted you to this?

Do you usually choose people who are projects?

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3 minutes ago, Rose Mosse said:

You can't take care of anyone or even begin to think of another person properly without taking care of yourself so before any charitable acts or kindness, take care of you. 

Move out and take care of your mental health. Your boyfriend will cope and you can refer him to his doctors. Check in with him once a month if you want or once a week but be clear that he needs to work on himself. 

Where is the mother of his kid? 

Rose, I don't think she should be checking in, as it keeps up the unhealthy dynamic.  The ties need to be cut.   She is not responsible for this guy, and he should be referring to the professionals and family, as she is not qualified and is an enabler. 

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Where is his family? And as mentioned, what abt the mother- his ex?  if she has a car, she can drive.

All of this is not up to you. ( I have lived with depression & anxiety and still had 4 kids to deal with- I knew I had to).

His kid & ex are his issue's.  Not yours.  He's just been fully dependant on you, by sounds of it.

I am sure he has some sort of assistance/back up if he is not involved.

He had this kid before you came along.. and he will after.

If you need to exit this relationship, then do so for your own good.

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1 hour ago, VintageSoul83 said:

I don't want to be in this relationship anymore 

Sorry this is happening. Where is his ex/child's mother? Does he have friends or family nearby?

What does he do for a living? He manages to keep an apt., share custody, maintain a job, etc. so he does not sound that helpless/incompetent. 

His child's mother can manage the child's transportation needs. He can also revise his custody/visitation schedule to something where he has his son less often.

As far as bills he can have direct-pay from his workplace and set up bill-pay for recurring bills.  Like many other people, he can get grocery deliveries, etc. He can also take uber. He makes money.

As far as his medications, he can check in with his doctor and therapist via telehealth to keep tabs on that.  They should be managing that anyway.

So free yourself without guilt. 

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20 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Sorry this is happening. Where is his ex/child's mother? Does he have friends or family nearby?

What does he do for a living? He manages to keep an apt., share custody, maintain a job, etc. so he does not sound that helpless/incompetent. 

His child's mother can manage the child's transportation needs. He can also revise his custody/visitation schedule to something where he has his son less often.

As far as bills he can have direct-pay from his workplace and set up bill-pay for recurring bills.  Like many other people, he can get grocery deliveries, etc. He can also take uber. He makes money.

As far as his medications, he can check in with his doctor and therapist via telehealth to keep tabs on that.  They should be managing that anyway.

So free yourself without guilt. 

She also supports him.  

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How did he cope before you came along?  He's not as helpless/hopeless as you think he is.  

Don't stay stuck there because that would mean you would never be able to leave, right? It's not working out for you and you have every right to end things and move on.  Go back home to your parents and take care of yourself.  He WILL manage. He did before. 

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