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I think I (F19) might be in love with my internet best friend (F18)


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I think I might be in love with my internet best friend and I don’t know what to do. We met online over three years ago now and never met in person, though we plan to in the future. We text all day every day and call/facetime each other often. We have both established that we are closer and care for each other more than any of our real life friends and all of our real life friends and family know that we are best friends. I honestly don’t think we can be without each other. The longest we have went without talking since we’ve met has been about one day and every time we fight we both become a crying mess afterwards about how we don’t want to fight or lose each other. 

Lately I can tell my feelings for her have been changing. She’s all I can think about all day long and I’ve found myself constantly checking her social media accounts every moment I can to see if she’s active. I’ve also started getting jealous when she talks about guys she likes or past boyfriends she’s had. Her and I both claim to be bisexual yet I never have heard her actually talk about a girl she liked, so I’m not sure if she even wants a gf that much. She’s also not very romantic when it comes to relationships and is more of the “date for fun” type while I’m not like that at all. Even when it comes to platonic friendships she’s not that affectionate in general, however, she is affectionate with me, so I keep thinking maybe if we did start dating that I’d be different to her?

I just don’t know if i should tell her how I feel or not because though I don’t think it would ruin our friendship on her end, I might get really embarrassed if she doesn’t feel the same way and start feeling awkward or sad talking to her, and I obviously don’t want that to happen. If anyone has any advise please help me...

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3 hours ago, lpurple said:

. Her and I both claim to be bisexual 

It seems like she sees this as a friendship but you want a relationship.

Either way, you've never met in person, so it's a precarious situation, particularly how dependent and immersed you are in this.

Scale way back from this. Whether you want to date men or women or have friends, you need some real life people in your life.

You could tell her you have a crush on her and see what happens, however since you're not in person, how could you even act on those feelings?

Unfortunately it seems like you are hiding behind a screen to deal with loneliness and isolation and sadly this situation  intensifies that.

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14 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

It seems like she sees this as a friendship but you want a relationship.

Either way, you've never met in person, so it's a precarious situation, particularly how dependent and immersed you are in this.

Scale way back from this. Whether you want to date men or women or have friends, you need some real life people in your life.

You could tell her you have a crush on her and see what happens, however since you're not in person, how could you even act on those feelings?

Unfortunately it seems like you are hiding behind a screen to deal with loneliness and isolation and sadly this situation  intensifies that.

^ I second this entire post.  It all sounds way too intense, with a slight touch of teenage fantasy. 

I agree that ...... "Unfortunately it seems like you are hiding behind a screen to deal with loneliness and isolation and sadly this situation  intensifies that."   Find real life friends to hang out with - expand your social circle.

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Aside from never meeting, not knowing her sexual preference, worried about losing the friendship, does this seem like someone you'd date or is it because you both are lonely at the moment or have found a comfortable friendship with each other? I ask because you both might not be compatible anyway so it might be a lot less headache in the long run recognizing this early on. I think expecting her to change or trick yourself into thinking that she'll treat you differently if there are emotions at stake is risky and you'll just get hurt. 

Why isn't she affectionate in relationships? Is she insecure as a person? Be wary of insecure individuals. They'll make you seem like the crazy one. 

She can let her guard down because you're both friends meaning that there is nothing to gain or lose with you. I'd treat this as a fun online friendship but don't get too attached or start losing sleep over this. 

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On 2/23/2021 at 12:10 AM, Wiseman2 said:

Scale way back from this. Whether you want to date men or women or have friends, you need some real life people in your life.

Unfortunately it seems like you are hiding behind a screen to deal with loneliness and isolation and sadly this situation  intensifies that.

 

16 hours ago, Capricorn3 said:

^ I second this entire post.  It all sounds way too intense, with a slight touch of teenage fantasy. 

I agree that ...... "Unfortunately it seems like you are hiding behind a screen to deal with loneliness and isolation and sadly this situation  intensifies that."   Find real life friends to hang out with - expand your social circle.

I did briefly mention irl friends in my post. I didn’t think it was that relevant to the topic but I have irl friends too that I hangout with and text so I’m not “isolated” either. Idk what made you think I was since I didn’t mention anything about it but I don’t think that’s the problem. 

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