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I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for a little over a year. He is very sweet and caring and overall a great guy. About 10 months before I met him, I was seeing this other guy who I was really into and both of us definitely felt a strong connection. We went out for about a month, and then he unexpectedly ended things because he was busy with work and he also ended things in a very poor and kind of cowardly way. I tried to move on but kept thinking about him frequently over the next few months, even after I found out he had started dating someone else a few months after ending things with me. I eventually met my boyfriend, started dating him and was happy. A few months into our relationship, I found out the previous guy was single again and he expressed interest in me. I didn’t respond or give him any attention because I wanted to make things work with my boyfriend. But ever since then, I have been thinking about this other guy often and questioning whether I should stay with my boyfriend or end things and try to make things work with this other guy. I love my boyfriend and care about him, but I’m not always 100% on whether we’re meant to be together. This other guy and I had an instant and strong connection- essentially it feels like we had better chemistry than my boyfriend and I.  I just can’t keep myself from wondering what if I should be with this other guy. I feel like a terrible girlfriend for even wondering this, especially because of the actions of the first guy compared to how my boyfriend has treated me. I don’t know what to do. Has anyone else had a similar experience or any advice? 

Edited by stephens.claire19
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6 hours ago, stephens.claire19 said:

 I’m not always 100% on whether we’re meant to be together. 

Unfortunately it seems like you are confusing intensity for intimacy. 

Sex/chemistry with the last guy may have been off the charts, but keep in mind he dumped you after a month.

The only reason he contacted you is because he's having a dry spell or just got dumped. And of course because you didn't delete and block him 

It's up to you if you want to be on/off with a player or see how things go with the guy you're with now.

It seems like you are bored with this guy and that's why you're in touch with the guy who dumped you.

 

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6 hours ago, stephens.claire19 said:

A few months into our relationship, I found out the previous guy was single again and he expressed interest in me. I didn’t respond or give him any attention because I wanted to make things work with my boyfriend. But ever since then, I have been thinking about this other guy often and questioning whether I should stay with my boyfriend or end things and try to make things work with this other guy.

It would be foolish to believe things could work well with this other guy, to be blunt. 

He isn't that into you, and the fact that he faded and only came back when he was single again suggests he is looking for a fall-back option in you. If he felt the chemistry the same way you did, he wouldn't have let you go to begin with. In other words, don't leave your boyfriend expecting that you could then date this other guy successfully. That's probably not how it will go. 

However, if you're having these thoughts about another guy, you would be wise to re-evaluated how you truly feel about your boyfriend anyway. It seems something isn't quite clicking there if you're distracted by the idea of someone else. 

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Yes, unfortunately.. they both ended up being duds. The current boyfriend I was dating at the time had major issues and the other guy was a sociopath. It was silly, naive, dumb and inconsiderate of me but I learned the hard way. 

Don't hurt yourself like I did. Figure out whether your current boyfriend is really as good as you say and either stick with it or leave this relationship. When you're ready, date again but stay away from people who blow hot and cold and don't be one of them either. 

 

Edited by Rose Mosse
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15 hours ago, stephens.claire19 said:

, I have been thinking about this other guy often and questioning whether I should stay with my boyfriend or end things and try to make things work with this other guy. I love my boyfriend and care about him, but I’m not always 100% on whether we’re meant to be together. This other guy and I had an instant and strong connection- essentially it feels like we had better chemistry than my boyfriend and I.  I just can’t keep myself from wondering what if I should be with this other guy. I feel like a terrible girlfriend for even wondering this, especially because of the actions of the first guy compared to how my boyfriend has treated me

_ I say you are just not as into this one, as you should be AND this other dude contacting you again, After he had pushed you away... is on him.

- You two went out for about a month? Was intense?  IMO, seems that was all he wanted... pushed you away, got involved w/ someone else- then left that one & came back your away?  Does any of this seem reasonable?  Does he seem okay- stable?

I feel, IF he felt anything real, he would not have pushed you away the first time.. but kept up with you.

 

- Also, you're reminded once again because he contacted you -s those thoughts etc re-surfaced.

Maybe you don't fee enough for this one you're dating & shouldn't be with him either. (as you're not 100% sure you should be with him..)

- If you 'love' this guy, you would not be questioning facts on the other guy who pushed you away.

How about you just let this guy go.

Take some time for yourself... alone.  Get over them both.  Don't lead anyone on, if you're not all into it.

 

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On 2/22/2021 at 8:47 PM, stephens.claire19 said:

he also ended things in a very poor and kind of cowardly way.

This would tell me all that I'd need to know about him. Whatever 'chemistry' I'd imagined would have been proven imagined--or at least manufactured.

If your chemistry with BF doesn't compare, then exit your relationship and date new people until you strike this kind of simpatico with someone who is worthy of your time. That guy who dumped you? He's not HIM.

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