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So, I’ve been with my boyfriend for 9yrs. It started off ok, we had ups and downs but it was ok, 3yrs ago we moved in together and since then it’s been hell...we argue so much. He’s very controlling and verbally abusive. He gets mad for small things like me being forgetful or repeating himself to me. He recently got mad because I was telling a story from my old job about this guy that was infecting multiple women, I stated he was attractive so that’s why they kept falling for him....I didn’t say I was attracted to him though but he automatically assumed that I was. I don’t know why that made him so upset, he hasn’t spoken to me in 2days and we stay together he gets off work and stays until almost midnight and talks to our son but not me....He knows that’s hurting me....I suffer from severe PTSD and depression I don’t know what to do if I express myself he’ll get aggressive he’s not physically abusive but he’s thrown away my entire wardrobe on numerous occasions, he makes me stay up for hours with him while he downtalks and scolds me....I’m lost and tired

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4 minutes ago, Cbens11 said:

 3yrs ago we moved in together and since then it’s been hell...we argue so much.

* He’s very controlling and verbally abusive.

* He gets mad for small things like me being forgetful or repeating himself to me. He recently got mad because I was telling a story from my old job about this guy  ...I don’t know why that made him so upset, he hasn’t spoken to me in 2days

* stays until almost midnight and talks to our son but not me....He knows that’s hurting me....

* if I express myself he’ll get aggressive he’s not physically abusive but he’s thrown away my entire wardrobe on numerous occasions, he makes me stay up for hours with him while he downtalks and scolds me....

I suffer from severe PTSD and depression I don’t know what to do. I’m lost and tired

When you go through that list above, WHAT exactly do you find so appealing about this abusive jerk?   What makes you stay and WHY would you put up with such shocking abusive behaviour?  Sincere questions, as I am at a loss for words and struggling to understand.

You surely can't enjoy this treatment, no?  You also need to remember, that nothing will change and it WILL get worse.  Are you up for that?  He abuses you this way because you allow it.  For him it's just become normal.

First thing to do is think about the welfare of your child! He's growing up in a toxic and dysfunctional environment and YOU are there to protect him.  He's already learning that abuse is "normal".  Please, please, do not allow this to happen to your own child.  Set an example to him, by showing you have enough self-respect to get rid of people you abuse you and treat you like garbage. You owe it to your child.

Please seek professional counselling/therapy to help you get out of this shocking situation and of course, to get the help you need for your depression/PTSD.  The sooner the better. Your child deserves better.

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This relationship is abusive and I really think you need to leave. It doesn't sound safe and it's not good for your son. Contact family violence services if you need support and someone to talk to.

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There are a few diff forms of abuse.  Not just physical.  He is cruel!

As other's have said.. He is abusive!  Why are you still there?

Neither you or your son should be around any of this.  

You need to get out of there. ASAP for the health of you both. 😞 

Can you go stay with some family or friends?  How about a womans abuse shelter?

Get out.. contact a lawyer (or assistance- they can help as well).. and you get going with support and legal matters.  YOU being sole parent, he get visitation.. (even supervised if he is that bad- but may need proof).

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Sorry this is happening. Do you have friends or family nearby? You need to develop an exit plan.

Tell trusted friends and family about the abuse. Destroying your property is a crime.

You need to get your son and yourself to safety.

Start severing ties. Save money. Slowly start moving things to trusted friends and family.

Luckily you're not married. However you will need legal help to make sure  you get sole custody.

Do not entertain his rants. Do not appease him or reward abuse.

 

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You need to end this relationship. 

This is no way to raise a child and it's affecting your mental health. I don't see what the alternative is. Start getting your ducks in a row to get away from him. 

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I would contact your local Human Services department for a referral to a domestic violence prevention specialist who can help you make a safe plan to get away from this guy.

He's vindictive and possibly dangerous. 

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