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I am dating a bipolar woman. We are both in our late 30’s and we’ve been together for just under a year.

I find it is very difficult to communicate with her. She is very self-centered and doesn’t like to be questioned about her decisions, otherwise she can get very emotional and very upset/angry. I find that I have to avoid certain topics when I’m with her.

This Valentine’s Day we had a major incident. I took her out to a restaurant, and she made a huge scene there..

(Not too long ago she started getting involved in a direct sales business (which is potentially a variation of a pyramid scheme) and she wants me to be involved as well.)

So, at our dinner table I started asking questions about how the business works, how you can make money, etc.. I also did my own research beforehand and found that most people don’t actually make much money in this field, and even if they do it usually takes a while before they start making profit.

When I told her about this she exploded.. she said “You don’t have experience in this, so why are you basing your opinions on other people’s views. I made my decision to do this, so how dare you question me? If you want to do that then f*** off.”

She was very upset and was talking very loudly. She said that in her previous relationship she was also being questioned all the time and she didn’t like that.

She said that we’re very different and need to take a break from each other. We had a heated conversation for a while and then we left the restaurant.

I walked her back home and on the way back she said, “I cannot be in an intimate relationship with someone who makes me feel so cornered.” When we got to her place she said again that we need to take a break from each other. Then she started saying that she is a not a good girlfriend for me..

She started to calm down and then she started being very nice to me. She also wanted me to stay over, saying that I’m not a stranger to her.. I decided to leave anyway. Before leaving her apartment I said, “so, what do we do, how long are we going to take a break for?” And she replied, “Up to you.” (This got me confused.) I said, “let’s take a break for a week, until next weekend.”

 

So, this week is our week away from each other. The first couple of days I was certain that I need to break up with her, but now I’m not sure anymore 😞

At the beginning of the week she messaged me and said, “sorry if I was too harsh.”

Now she keeps messaging me every day, sending her pictures, says that she misses me.

I went to see a psychologist to talk about the situation. He said that if I do decide to stay with her, I will have to be like a “mountain” to control her emotional outbreaks… But what I will not be able to fix is the fact that she feels very criticized when someone questions her.

At the moment I feel a bit overwhelmed and cannot decide what to do. I'm looking forward to hearing your advice..

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Sorry this is happening. Cut your losses and save yourself a lot of headaches and heartaches.

She's much too unstable to date. This will only get worse.

Listen to the psychologist. You're hanging on to a perpetual landmine, because of two bad reasons. You either think she'll change or you crave drama as a distraction from what's going on with you.

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Is she medicated and being treated? 
Hint: please adjust your title people are not “ a bipolar” that is ableist and disturbing. 
People who have bipolar disorder have a chemical imbalance and NEED to be medicated and have psychiatric care for life. 
My father was bipolar 1 and had a VERY difficult life and lost everything and everyone and even his life due to bad mental health. 

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1 hour ago, MoreClarity said:

I went to see a psychologist to talk about the situation. He said that if I do decide to stay with her, I will have to be like a “mountain” to control her emotional outbreaks… But what I will not be able to fix is the fact that she feels very criticized when someone questions her.

Agree with this. Don't be bullied into accepting what's not right for you in order to be politically correct. It's not your job to fix, change, worry about her health, medications, etc.

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I think the bigger issue is that you don't see eye to eye on other aspects such as work/career. A pyramid scheme is a dealbreaker! Why would you put up with this if you don't trust someone's judgment in the first place, health issues or not? 

I wouldn't go down the psychology route. Both of you don't agree. Period. Call a spade a spade. It's under a year of dating and you're realizing you don't trust her judgment, career choice, etc. You are never going to respect someone this way so her calling you out or feeling disrespected has some truth to it. Let go. 

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Yup, as mentioned.  This will be a mighty challenge 😞 

Something you do not need/want.  You've had a piece of what to expect...

Re: Mental health, especially this one, will cause issue's.  They are not stable. I know a few and can't handle those 'moments'.

So, you've been warned.. by now you know what it's like.

She should be medicated, as mentioned.

 

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9 hours ago, MoreClarity said:

I walked her back home and on the way back she said, “I cannot be in an intimate relationship with someone who makes me feel so cornered.” When we got to her place she said again that we need to take a break from each other. Then she started saying that she is a not a good girlfriend for me..

^ That was your cue to cut your losses.  This is not going to work in the long term (imo), unless you see your life forever walking through a minefield and making your life unhappy/miserable. That's not a good way to live. The writing is already on the wall.  Incompatible.  My vote goes for a clean break and move on.  Don't get sucked back in when she messages you with "I miss you texts".   Clean break.

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2 minutes ago, MoreClarity said:

But I'm wondering if she deserves a second chance. 

Keep in mind you are hanging on to intensity, not intimacy.

You haven't hit rock bottom yet. That means you'll take a few more rides on the bipolar roller coaster.

That turbulence will go on until you get exhausted, figure out what you want or she flitters off somewhere else looking for higher highs.

Either way, one day you'll get off the bipolar roller coaster...but much worse for the wear.

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19 hours ago, Seraphim said:

Please adjust your title people are not “ a bipolar” that is ableist and disturbing. 

??? The first line is "dating a bipolar woman". Topic titles are often abbreviated or cut off.

Before you beat up any more posters and apply these nasty labels with faux PSAs about neurodiversity, read the post contents.

 

Edited by Wiseman2
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I spent 4 years with someone who had serious mental health challenges.  I spent those 4 years increasingly walking on eggshells, censoring my views and thinking about how I might say perfectly normal things without them becoming aggressive.  It was emotionally draining and it also drained me of the love I once had for them.  I really can't see your situation getting any better and would suggest you cut your losses before it gets any worse for you.

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Can I just add that some of these behaviours may not have anything to do with having bipolar disorder. The pyramid scheme for example. My best friend of eleven years has bipolar disorder and she's a quiet and introverted person. She's never made a scene and she's very mild mannered. She has been manic in the past but since being on medication she has only had depression. She has no outbursts though and overall is a lovely person. Every bipolar person still has a personality of their own and their own level of emotional intelligence. People that throw tantrums and are self-centred have poor emotional intelligence. That may or may not have something to do with the bipolar disorder. This may just be her personality and communication style as well. In any case just the pyramid scheme alone and forcing you into it would really put me off.

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On 2/19/2021 at 7:26 AM, MoreClarity said:

She is very self-centered and doesn’t like to be questioned about her decisions, otherwise she can get very emotional and very upset/angry. I find that I have to avoid certain topics when I’m with her.

Is the the kind of relationship you want to settle for?

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My Son is bipolar, and while I love him with all my heart, sometimes it can be very challenging.

His Sister & I know how to handle the flares ups & literally walk away. He calms down, apologises for his outburst & life goes on. 

It can be very much walking on egg shells sometimes, but the good times with him certainly outweigh the bad.

It is something to think about very seriously. I would  understand why you would walk away from this relationship.

Just realise you cant "fix" her & these ups & downs will be a part of everyday life.

 

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6 minutes ago, shellyf62 said:

My Son is bipolar, and while I love him with all my heart, sometimes it can be very challenging.

His Sister & I know how to handle the flares ups & literally walk away. He calms down, apologises for his outburst & life goes on. 

It can be very much walking on egg shells sometimes, but the good times with him certainly outweigh the bad.

It is something to think about very seriously. I would  understand why you would walk away from this relationship.

Just realise you cant "fix" her & these ups & downs will be a part of everyday life.

 

I agree my father was bipolar and it was very difficult and sad as he would never regularly take medication. As much as I loved him he was too difficult to tolerate. 

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On 2/20/2021 at 3:29 AM, MoreClarity said:

Thanks everyone for replying. Seems breaking up is the best thing to do. 

But I'm wondering if she deserves a second chance. Or am I being foolish right now? It's hard when feelings come into play.

HUH?   She has shown you repeatedly that this will not change, why in the world would you give her another chance?!   Have you looked into your co dependency, you are considering  to continue with a toxic situation?

Edited by Hollyj
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