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5 minutes ago, Hollyj said:

Why didn't his parents care for him?   Don't ever put your future on hold like this.

I wanted to be a good woman, wanted to be near so he could walk on wheelchair while his parents are at home..I know that mostly are working I also worked part time but he always said that his studies are more difficult than everyones else and I just need to wait and then he will be super successful etc.. I thought that if I will support him when he has nothing -he will appreciate it ,but I just lost time .

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No where did I get the impression that she was seeking a visa.   If anyone was taking advantage in this situation, it was him.   This guy sounds like a big leech and she would have  been financially r

I'm sorry, while I don't live in the EU so obviously have no experience there, but I don't understand why you're writing this long post and going on about all this. Complaining about your tax paying a

Are you back home? Just restart your life and be glad you dodged a bullet. He was too immature and pampered to be a good partner. As to unnecessary accusations in your topic. The issues of reside

6 minutes ago, VeraBraun said:

I wanted to be a good woman, wanted to be near so he could walk on wheelchair while his parents are at home..I know that mostly are working I also worked part time but he always said that his studies are more difficult than everyones else and I just need to wait and then he will be super successful etc.. I thought that if I will support him when he has nothing -he will appreciate it ,but I just lost time .

Don't do things for others in anticipation that they will appreciate your gesture.   

This guy has loser written all over him.   Can you imagine if you married and had kids, you would be supporting the entire family.  This guy will never become responsible as long as mommy and daddy, and girlfriends continue to enable him.   He is a bum!

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"I grew up and he didn't".

How I see all of this is, yes, he was very much into you, but I think he started to feel some intense pressure's and came to realize he couldn't do marriage, so he backed out - which was not a nice move on you 😞  (yes, was hist fault to even go there) .

Reality kicked in - being from different countries, etc. You went back home and he's continuing his studies, yes?

So, you are also at different stages.  He's got a while to go, still?

So, is most likely, a combination of issue's sitting on him... came to a point, he felt he could not do marriage- like that fell to the bottom of his list.

So, sadly, yes, it fell apart for you.  But, doesn't mean he didn't care.. Things like this happen.. young adults, who meet up when travelling, go to schools, etc .. they get going in a relationship, but also, life changes.

Yes, it hurts, but also, he had his reasons.  I am sorry it didn't work out.  Loss hurts for a while.. but, I guess not much you can do now about this - his decision.

Now, you need to work on accepting & healing.. In time, things will not feel so bad.  You will meet more people - and someday you may come across a good man who is decent and caring and not so far away... One day at a time.. TC of YOU ❤️ 

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On 2/20/2021 at 4:16 AM, East4 said:

 

You are actually being quite racist and just stereotyping Russian women. If she didn't say she was Russian then would you have given kind advice? If she said she was from England would your advice have been completely different? Not every Russian woman is a "mail order bride". In fact most aren't. She came to Austria with her own money, she wasn't given any money by this guy or sponsored by him. If she just wanted an Austrian husband wouldn't she have just looked for one as soon as she arrived on dating websites or some mail order bride agency? She spent 3.5 years with this guy and she actually had no idea if he would even marry her or not. So your post doesn't actually make sense.

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Vera I'm sorry to say but I don't think he actually truly loves you. You've already been together for 3.5 years and if he loved you and wanted to marry you, he could easily do it. You can't even stay in Austria because your visa ran out and if he loved you like crazy he would want to marry you so you would come back to him. I don't think he feels strongly enough about you to marry you. If you actually want marriage with a man then why waste any more time on him? He's had enough time to know if he wants to marry you or not, and he doesn't want to.

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On 2/20/2021 at 4:16 AM, East4 said:

 

No where did I get the impression that she was seeking a visa.   If anyone was taking advantage in this situation, it was him.   This guy sounds like a big leech and she would have  been financially responsible for him in the end.  She has a lot more going on for her than he does.  

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10 hours ago, East4 said:

 

I'm sorry, while I don't live in the EU so obviously have no experience there, but I don't understand why you're writing this long post and going on about all this. Complaining about your tax paying and whatever. We're not really interested in that sorry. I get the sense you have a problem with Russian people/women specifically. Just because she said she's Russian you're automatically calling her a mail order bride. Literally that's the only reason you are saying that, because she mentioned she's Russian. To me that seems racist and prejudiced. Yes it's true, there are Russian mail order brides, but there are also many that come from poor Asian countries. 

The point is everything you are posting is irrelevant because she is NOT a mail order bride. A mail order bride is someone who goes onto online dating websites or marriage agencies to begin with specifically just to find a husband. This woman came to Austria to study and at her university she met this man. She was not looking for a husband, she was studying and met him by chance. She was with him for 3.5 years and he had no money to support her at all because he wasn't working. He was really not a suitable candidate for a "fake marriage", as you put it. She wrote that she's madly in love with him. She loves him specifically, it's not just because he's Austrian. She never said anything to him about marriage herself. HE proposed marriage to her. She also wrote in her post that without him she doesn't care about leaving Austria and going back to Russia. Because her only reason to be in Austria is for him.

There is literally nothing in her post that suggests she's a mail order bride or gold digger. Yet you're writing essays judging Russian women and implying she wanted a fake marriage and complaining about all this blah blah blah. That's coming from your own racist views and prejudices. It has nothing to do with what this woman has actually said about her relationship. Even if they got married, the marriage wouldn't be fake. They've been together for a few years and she is in love with him. So she would be marrying him for love and to be with him specifically. That is a real marriage and he as an Austrian citizen has the right to marry whoever he wants. Also she wrote that she's working and was even going to support him financially while he's studying. How is that using Austria's social welfare if she's working and earning her own money? She is contributing to the country by having a job.

Your post is offensive because it's just plain racist.

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10 hours ago, East4 said:

 

wow i see you have so much time to explain your problems) First of all , who said about citizenship and that I want it ? It would only give me access to Work market to be able to work for HIM and I didn't ask for proposal ,so I can't be happy and in love and want family just because some complexed people as you ,God only knows from where ,might judge me?I won't even spend the time to to read your whole poem . Just because you are from EU doesn't mean you are automatically have better life standard lol, EU is as different as Russia . I live in Moscow better than half of EU countries on social assistance from the government . Wake up ,dear friend , its 2021 and world is globalised so I can study where I want and date whome I love ) I have no Idea about Syrian migrants since I speak German fluently and finished University with outstanding grades. I have lived in Europe for years and your arguments looks so detached from reality lol, there is plenty of poor people , broken areas and not so much men who really earning well, 80% of Europeans don't even own flats and rent till the rest of your life ,so why on Earth I would exchange my own apartments, family and fiends for a man who has nothing at all ? probably because of love) I understand your offence, you either not attractive woman who spends her time to share your pain with offensive posts, or not successful European man with super basic life and no education, try to convince yourself that some specific nationality is bad because you prolly do not have any success with women ) I assume that you have no education and from not so successful background and with no ability to travel, because nationalism and stereotype thinking are signs of very limited knowledge and unsatisfying life. I was raised and live in a highly globalised society where people respect each other and love have no borders , im also an independent woman and attractive so yeah I've got plenty of attention from men but fell in love with simple guy exactly because im NOT interested in anything, but love. I also would like to point out that in progressive EU countries you would be eaten alive for such racist and nationalistic comments, so you are either from super poor place yourself lol or you just spread your hate on anonymes forum. If you are a man,im even more sorry for you, because you try to put down a woman whome you don't know and who is now on a very difficult stage of life, that shows again, that you have no empathy and tact, and you know what that means? Lack of empathy, manners and stereotype thinking - comes from lack of social intelligince , unsatisfying and sexism. SO again,im sorry for you and get a life.

You also mentioned that you pay 30% taxes , knowing that EU has progressive Taxes system and people who live well and earn a lot pay up to 60% , the reality speaks for yourself . You earn minimum wage on basic job, living in migrant area and blaming Syrians who's home were bombarded . Living on minimum wage in Europe for adult person shows, that you have no career ,no success with women ( bc happy marriage makes u happy person ) and complain about your 30% taxes + are nationalist. I mean , oh man I would pay for your dinner myself )

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Regarding the Syrian refugees, have some compassion, they went through war. You seem racist in general because for some reason you began to complain about refugees, though it has no relation to the original post. I'm sure in your country there are also people using social benefits who are your nationality and were born in your country. I'm sure you have unemployed people or people who are on drugs or alcoholics or whatever. But you only have a problem with foreigners because you don't like foreigners. Also just because someone is a refugee how do you know they wouldn't get a job. Some people from war torn countries are educated and intelligent and actually want to work. Just because they're refugees doesn't mean they're bums and losers.

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1 hour ago, East4 said:

The context I have given is to make it very clear that Russian women do seek marriages with western european men for ulterior motives and this has been a rampant phenomenon. I welcome all people who work and actively contribute to society. The reputation of Russian women is not exactly as hard-working women, willing to contribute to society, sorry this is the widespread opinion where I live in the EU. And this opinion is valid to the point that EU governments had to put restrictions to these marriages, because western men do not stay married to Russian women for very long and when they divorce them, then these women start abusing the social security system, that we pay taxes to.

A French colleague was complaining, that his Russian wife has purchased 4000 EUR worth of ski equipment, even if they haven't had planned any winter holidays. She has been staying home, not working, with credit cards and time to kill, so she basically spends his money to entertain herself. He was livid and was contemplating separation.  

Vera does not have work permit, she has no job, so I'd like to know who is going to pay her living expenses in Austria? Her boyfriend is under no obligation to pay for her, and he cannot, because he is a student.

If Vera loves her boyfriend so much, fair enough, marriage is not required to love somebody. So, they can love each other without being married. But from what I read (sorry I do not always understand her English), she is not happy with just love, she wants marriage, as if it is due to her. If you read her post carefully, she would say things like "I only lost my time" referring to taking her boyfriend out for a walk when he was sick. She was not doing this from the goodness of her heart, but so that her gesture is appreciated and he would feel indebted to her. Her ultimate mission is to marry him, not just love him. She is free to love him as much as she likes, but please, stay in Moscow and love him from there.

 I am amused that posters who normally are adamant that men should not be put under pressure to marry, now have totally changed the tune.

Hope this clarifies.

Anyway, I would be delighted to get the OP's update where she says that she has found a job and able to support herself in Austria, without counting on her boyfriend for financial support. 

 

who are you to tell me where to stay? and do you understand the difference when man propose and then take it back? it is the main topic of my post ,that I spent 3,5 years with a person for whom I did more than he for me and that he couldn't follow his promises ) You do not even understand the difference between " loosing time for relationship " and "loosing time for care" , how dare you to portrait me as some monster who would care for his bf in difficult time for some third reasons? there is international marriages but noone pressure men to marry, many Russian women can give western men what they seek, like caring , femininity and less emancipated personality ,its their choice and you can marry whom u want. I do not see the reason to date for 10 years and as normal person when he proposed im happy because family is the most beautiful thing ,I wish you treat your complexes with therapist because I doubt your mental health. Anyways claiming that all women are the same is pure nationalist its if I would say that all germans are nazi ,that's ridiculous silly and detached from reality . I see that you are so deeply into your theories and hidden offence ,that you do not hear any points and can't get over your 30% taxes . so once more you will spam with your nationalist nonsense, I will have to ban you because you spread stupidity and racism. 

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1 hour ago, East4 said:

The reputation of Russian women is not exactly as hard-working women, willing to contribute to society, sorry this is the widespread opinion where I live in the EU.

On 2/19/2021 at 5:28 AM, VeraBraun said:

And then suddenly he cancelled everything !!!

Whether it is true of Vera or not, East4's information does present a new possibility that nobody considered yet: Maybe Vera's boyfriend backed out because he was afraid that Vera was just after a Visa. I'm not prepared to say whether it was fair of him or not, but it could explain the abruptness of his actions. Vera, have you considered that?

Edited by Jibralta
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26 minutes ago, Jibralta said:

Whether it is true of Vera or not, East4's information does present a new possibility that nobody considered yet: Maybe Vera's boyfriend backed out because he was afraid that Vera was just after a Visa. I'm not prepared to say whether it was fair of him or not, but it could explain the abruptness of his actions. Vera, have you considered that?

when I described my situation I mentioned that it was biggest love of my life and he told me the same, we discussed all the topics including Visa. he never even thought of that, because I was a student and was pretty independent I also could work and was fully integrated in society. He doesn't have any of such prejudice and told me that he wants to marry me or no-one else. that's why I was shocked when he got depressed and I suggested to wait for him because I love him. My question was , is it worth to wait or I need to move on bc he isn't adult enough. Such topics as Visa is super outdated since every marriage requires some responsibility and docs regardless of nationality . 

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Yes move on. It doesn't matter why he changed his mind. If you were the love of his life as he claimed he would even come to Moscow to live with you. 

He has a bit of maturing to do on his own. Not everyone matures at the same pace (speaking from personal experience lol)and generally women mature faster (relationship-wise).

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1 hour ago, VeraBraun said:

when I described my situation I mentioned that it was biggest love of my life and he told me the same, we discussed all the topics including Visa. he never even thought of that, because I was a student and was pretty independent I also could work and was fully integrated in society. He doesn't have any of such prejudice and told me that he wants to marry me or no-one else. that's why I was shocked when he got depressed and I suggested to wait for him because I love him. My question was , is it worth to wait or I need to move on bc he isn't adult enough. Such topics as Visa is super outdated since every marriage requires some responsibility and docs regardless of nationality . 

I think you know the answer to this.. your heart is just catching up with what your mind already knows. The most important thing is taking care of yourself, your health especially and don't close yourself off to your support networks (family and friends). Take time out when you need to but don't self-isolate. You're still in shock.

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10 hours ago, East4 said:

 

We may not have accepted as many immigrants from Syria, but we have from many other countries around the world!   The U.S. is a nation made up of immigrants. We have been taking people in for many years.

 I think that that is another off response!!   

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Hi Vera, it's good to see another Eastern European here 🥰 I'm so sorry that this happened, but to be honest, this man doesn't seem to be husband material, I'm sure you deserve more - a man who will actually work. Hope you will feel better soon.

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I feel the need to comment on the reputation of Eastern European women moving to the EU/Western Europe, and I can't tag the person who started this discussion, sorry. We're not moving to another country to marry a rich man. Most of us study and/or work. Do you know how hard it is to move from everything you know, learn another language, understand a different culture and do this on your own?

Sorry for the rant, I didn't expect such a comment in 2021 🙄

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Well, we are at a point where I have been verbally abused by the poster VeraBraun and pretty much ganged up against by other posters. I see no further use to participate in this discussion.

As I said, I respect everyone who earns their living with honest work, regardless of their nationality. I also respectfully explained that at the moment the EU is under significant stress from migrants and COVID, and simply cannot take more people who for one or another reason intend to live in the EU, but will not be able to work due to lack of work permit and citizenship. 

Cheers

 

 

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9 hours ago, Jibralta said:

I think East4 is also Eastern European. Just throwing that out there.

The irony.  East4,  your comments were completely unnecessary.   

What is your country of origin?

9 hours ago, East4 said:

Well, we are at a point where I have been verbally abused by the poster VeraBraun and pretty much ganged up against by other posters. I see no further use to participate in this discussion.

As I said, I respect everyone who earns their living with honest work, regardless of their nationality. I also respectfully explained that at the moment the EU is under significant stress from migrants and COVID, and simply cannot take more people who for one or another reason intend to live in the EU, but will not be able to work due to lack of work permit and citizenship. 

Cheers

 

 

 

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