Should I reach out?

[nick_876]

Long story short, my girlfriend ended it with me after dating 8 months. This happened 3 weeks ago. I'm having a hard time moving on and apparently she is to, she hasn't changed Facebook relationship status or profile picture with me and her in it. When should I reach out or do I wait for her to? 

[SooSad33]

When should you reach out/ or wait for her to?

She ended it.  You're done.  So, what do you mean, 'When should you'?

 

Understandable if you are having a hard time.. that is how it is after a BU. 😞 

But, now you BOTH need to accept, respect her wishes and leave her be.

Focus on your own self & life.

[Pau]

28 minutes ago, sportsfankl said:

Long story short, my girlfriend ended it with me after dating 8 months. This happened 3 weeks ago. I'm having a hard time moving on and apparently she is to, she hasn't changed Facebook relationship status or profile picture with me and her in it. When should I reach out or do I wait for her to? 

This kind of thing hurts so much. I am empathising for you. It’s over, so you need to begin this healing process, so I think don’t contact her at all, and to delete her from you social media so you don’t get tempted to check up on her. Trust me, it makes things so much worse when you can see their profile. For my own heart, when I break up with someone I need to not connect with them again, and to unfriend them so their name doesn’t pop up on my feed. 
 

You gotta leave it and look after you now. No more energy being put into her. 
 

I hope you’re feeling better since it happened.

P

[nick_876]

Thanks for the responses. Just find it strange she hasn't updated social media after 3 weeks. Seems like everyone updates accounts within a couple days. Have already deactivated account because you're right, seeing her profile was making things worse. 

[SooSad33]

Don't worry about what she is doing... or progressing.

What she does or how she handles things at her end, is not of your concern.

It's social media.  No biggy.

Fact:  She walked away.. right?  Now, avoid following all she does.

Turn your focus onto YOU... you now need to work on accepting and healing.

[Hollyj]

Why did you break up?

[nick_876]

33 minutes ago, Hollyj said:

Why did you break up?

she didn't really give me a reason just that it wasn't working out. She has a lot of stuff going on in her life. Stressful job working long hours, her best friend and roommate of 15 years is moving to another state and she's also not happy where shes at religiously. I know she had sincere feelings for me but again think she is just overwhelmed with life currently. 

[MissCanuck]

I don't see a reason to reach out at this point. 

She just wasn't feeling it anymore. There's not a lot you can do with that. 

[Wiseman2]

6 hours ago, sportsfankl said:

Long story short, my girlfriend ended it with me after dating 8 months. 

Sorry this happened. What was the breakup about?

Break-ups are hard for both people. It seems like you are hoping to reconcile based on her social media?

Have you been talking? Frankly it's entirely dependant on what the breakup was about.

[Hollyj]

I'm sorry that this happened.   

I think you should let this girl go and move on.   

[nick_876]

4 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Sorry this happened. What was the breakup about?

Break-ups are hard for both people. It seems like you are hoping to reconcile based on her social media?

Have you been talking? Frankly it's entirely dependant on what the breakup was about.

We have not been talking since, I wanted to give her space and not reach out yet even tho I desperately do just to see if shes doing ok. She said in the breakup it just wasn't working out along with saying I'm perfect multiple times. Made it confusing plus again it's been 3 weeks and apparently she hasn't changed social media. Do I reach out to her roommate? 

[Hollyj]

4 minutes ago, sportsfankl said:

We have not been talking since, I wanted to give her space and not reach out yet even tho I desperately do just to see if shes doing ok. She said in the breakup it just wasn't working out along with saying I'm perfect multiple times. Made it confusing plus again it's been 3 weeks and apparently she hasn't changed social media. Do I reach out to her roommate? 

She broke up with you, why wouldn't she be okay!  Stop making excuses.  Do not reach out to her or the roommate. 

My ex said the same garbage to me.   If I was so perfect then why did he end it.  

[Rose Mosse]

Please do not reach out to her roommate, her friends or her family. This is intrusive and reeks of lack of respect. I know you're grieving so give yourself some time to grieve and let go. This is all part and parcel of breaking up, the withdrawal process and feelings of helplessness. Do not make it worse by disrespecting a person's wishes or respecting her space or what she's going through. 

 

[artsygirl]

10 hours ago, Pau said:

This kind of thing hurts so much. I am empathising for you. It’s over, so you need to begin this healing process, so I think don’t contact her at all, and to delete her from you social media so you don’t get tempted to check up on her. Trust me, it makes things so much worse when you can see their profile. For my own heart, when I break up with someone I need to not connect with them again, and to unfriend them so their name doesn’t pop up on my feed. 
 

You gotta leave it and look after you now. No more energy being put into her. 
 

I hope you’re feeling better since it happened.

P

Wanted to elaborate on this as I wholeheartedly agree. I'm in the same predicament as you right now (broken up with 3 weeks ago but mine was a shorter relationship and we didn't have much on social media). 

I strongly recommend you stay in no contact. If you want more information on this and how to cope, there is plenty on YouTube and articles on this topic. It really helps you to heal. Yes, there will be painful moments and it will hurt, but you will sincerely thank yourself in the long run for not reaching out. You will wonder if she's ok, but the moment you reach out and discuss any type of emotion, you're back to square 1 of the healing process. Who knows, maybe you'd reach out and she won't respond to you, leave you on read, give you a cold response? How would you feel then?

I also agree with all the comments about removing from social media, that's something that really helped me. I'm so thankful each day that I haven't reached out to my ex, and it will get easier over time. This forum has helped me to see things from other perspectives and opinions, so it's good to open up about it from people who won't judge/give a biased opinion. I totally empathise with you and wish you well! 🙂 

[Wiseman2]

44 minutes ago, sportsfankl said:

 Do I reach out to her roommate? 

No, do not contact her friends and family. Leave her be. She knows your contact info so don't do end runs around her need for space.

[nick_876]

9 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Sorry this happened. What was the breakup about?

Break-ups are hard for both people. It seems like you are hoping to reconcile based on her social media?

Have you been talking? Frankly it's entirely dependant on what the breakup was 

 

[nick_876]

Ok thanks again for the help. She just sent me a venmo reimbursing me for a couple things but also extra money for her christmas gift to me of a trip out of state we planned on taking. Just making it worse. 

[Wiseman2]

1 minute ago, sportsfankl said:

She just sent me a venmo reimbursing me for a couple things but also extra money for her christmas gift to me of a trip out of state we planned on taking. Just making it worse. 

Did you ask her to reimburse you?

[nick_876]

42 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Did you ask her to reimburse you?

No, first contact in 3 weeks

[nick_876]

1 hour ago, Wiseman2 said:

Did you ask her to reimburse you?

This is what I plan to send in a text. "Saw the venmo, appreciate it. You didn't have to that. Hope you are doing well." 

Short and simple 

[Rose Mosse]

That's fine. If she doesn't respond, don't contact her again for your sanity and wellbeing. 

[Tinydance]

Well it was her that broke up with you so I wouldn't reach out to her myself. I think if she wanted you back it's actually up to her to contact you. You are the dumpee so she knows you would have wanted to continue the relationship. She probably hasn't updated social media yet because it feels crap to have lots of people commenting on your break up and contacting you about it. You get a lot of unwanted attention when you break up so she may have stalled updating social media for that reason.

[Wiseman2]

9 hours ago, nick_876 said:

No, first contact in 3 weeks

Ok. She really wants to sever all ties. Sending the thank you text is fine.

However you need to step back now.

[kim42]

She broke up with you, let her go. I understand it's hard, you might want to temporarily block her on social media so you don't feel tempted to contact her. 

[MissCanuck]

On 2/19/2021 at 6:05 PM, nick_876 said:

 Do I reach out to her roommate? 

Good heavens, no. Why would you? 

That's invasive and crossing a boundary. Her roommate isn't her and cannot help you, and I would be upset if the guy I just broke up with started contacting people close to me to dig. Let it be. 

Her saying that you're perfect is her way of softening the blow. She might indeed think highly of you but for whatever reason, doesn't feel it's the right match for her. It hurts but if she doesn't reach out to try to mend bridges, you can assume that her feelings have not changed.