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A Cold Shoulder


Pau
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47 minutes ago, Pau said:

Hi East4,

No this is a different person. I find the way you speak a little condescending and hurtful. Would you mind being a bit more understanding or kind about your tough love next time you respond to me?

P

Apology, no offence intended. 

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I think you're giving yourself mixed messages -this is a new person you've had sex with and hung out with a couple of times.  You agreed to casual sex.  But I think you want more and you just don't want to admit it to yourself. So you tolerate the weirdness and his odd requests and his choosing to get drunk when he barely knows you -that's not a way to get to know someone.  He's been honest with you that you are one of a number of women he's having sex with.  Nothing to do with your astrological sign - you were and are sexually attracted to him, you told yourself you could be the cool chick ok with casual sex with someone who gets drunk and tells you he's having sex with others..... but you're not ok with it.  You want more and/or you want him to fall for you.  Please stop lying to yourself and playing games with yourself.

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I could be wrong but one theory I have is that he was just using you for sex but then he felt guilty about it for some reason. So he decided to just act platonic and not have sex because it relieved his guilt. Like, he was trying to prove to himself that he's a good guy who doesn't want to just use women for sex. If that's not the reason then to be honest I wouldn't keep seeing him if that was me. He sounds really weird! If you've already had sex twice then why backtrack and do the whole platonic thing? If he wanted to show that he wants you for more than just sex, he could have organised a nice date, took you out or did something romantic at home. Then still had sex. Also even if he didn't want to have sex but making you sleep on a different bed is super weird. I would have been insulted if a man invited me for a weekend away and then made me sleep in a different bed. Sex is one thing but I'd still want to sleep in the same bed and cuddle. This kind of behaviour is just too erratic and I wouldn't have liked it.

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17 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Ok, that makes sense. However it still seems like he wants hook-ups, not a relationship.

You dodged a bullet. He got wasted and dumped you off in the middle of nowhere?

It would be best to delete and block him and all his people from ALL your social media and messaging apps.

Get tested for STDs and Covid. He's clearly sleeping around with a bunch of women.

Reflect on what you want from dating. FWB? Hooking up? Exclusive dating? A relationship?

All are fine, but decided what risks you are willing to take with your health, safety, well-being and heart.

It's been a 2 weeks. Cut your losses.

 

Thanks wiseman.

I shouldn’t analyse people so much in such a short amount of time. I’m far too sensitive methinks. A bit more reflection on what I’m willing to risk. As for my health in regards to COVID and stds, I’ve been tested recently and am all fine. 
 

take care,

P

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2 hours ago, Tinydance said:

I could be wrong but one theory I have is that he was just using you for sex but then he felt guilty about it for some reason. So he decided to just act platonic and not have sex because it relieved his guilt. Like, he was trying to prove to himself that he's a good guy who doesn't want to just use women for sex. If that's not the reason then to be honest I wouldn't keep seeing him if that was me. He sounds really weird! If you've already had sex twice then why backtrack and do the whole platonic thing? If he wanted to show that he wants you for more than just sex, he could have organised a nice date, took you out or did something romantic at home. Then still had sex. Also even if he didn't want to have sex but making you sleep on a different bed is super weird. I would have been insulted if a man invited me for a weekend away and then made me sleep in a different bed. Sex is one thing but I'd still want to sleep in the same bed and cuddle. This kind of behaviour is just too erratic and I wouldn't have liked it.

Hello Tinydance!

Your advice really speaks to me. I think you may have a point about him trying to relieve his guilty conscience and to soothe his own ego by taking things back to a platonic level after already sleeping with me. I think people really do like to save face and when motivated by guilt. 

You said “If he wanted to show that he wants you for more than just sex, he could have organised a nice date, took you out or did something romantic at home. Then still had sex. “

I completely agree here. A romantic dinner or something could have been a way to “prove” himself. And the fact that he made me sleep on a different bed was quite offensive and strange to me. I didn’t like the erratic behaviour at all.

thanks so so much for your comment.

P
 

 

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13 hours ago, Pau said:

A romantic dinner or something could have been a way to “prove” himself. And the fact that he made me sleep on a different bed was quite offensive and strange to me. I didn’t like the erratic behaviour at all.

This is what makes me think there's someone else he feels he's been disloyal to and his conscience was starting to bother him. 

 

 

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I'd take his motives out of the equation for the moment. He opened an opportunity to get to know one another on more of a mind level, like hang-out friends. 

So what was your take on the experience from that angle?

Did he just play music, drink and avoid convo, or were the two of you interacting during all of this?

Did he go into his own head, leaving you feeling like an object in the room, or was he plugged in to you, discussing the music and other things to get to know you better?

If his behavior had come from, say, a potential girl friend or gay guy, would you have enjoyed this experience, or was he too tuned out and only about himself?

 

Edited by catfeeder
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My experience is that scorpios are cold on the outside.  Inside many emotions that they hide.  You never really know what they truly feel.  

You made the mistake of sleeping with him too soon.  He's not taking you seriously at all.  

Hot and cold means he's not interested.

Next time don't give it up so easy, especially not with scorpios.  They will take advantage of you at every opportunity!  That's my experience with them.

 

 

 

 

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On 2/22/2021 at 5:51 AM, catfeeder said:

I'd take his motives out of the equation for the moment. He opened an opportunity to get to know one another on more of a mind level, like hang-out friends. 

So what was your take on the experience from that angle?

Did he just play music, drink and avoid convo, or were the two of you interacting during all of this?

Did he go into his own head, leaving you feeling like an object in the room, or was he plugged in to you, discussing the music and other things to get to know you better?

If his behavior had come from, say, a potential girl friend or gay guy, would you have enjoyed this experience, or was he too tuned out and only about himself?

 

Hey Catfeeder,

Your questions have been really insightful. If it were just a friend, I wouldn’t not have been bothered. I guess the confusing thing for me was that he behaved like a friend when we had explicitly behaved differently previously.

he wasn’t as engaged in conversation with me as I would have liked, it was more like a hang out situation rather than getting to know someone you’re genuinely interested in. 
 

Now that I asked him about his behaviour and he apologised for his coldness, saying that he was overthinking in his head that he thought I was only after one thing. He said he wanted to establish a connection that wasn’t just sexually charged? Hmm, I dunno.

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He's playing mind games with you.

He's not interested in you, but he's keeping you on the line for his ego.

He'll treat you badly and ignore you until he's bored or has a bit of time on his hands, and they he will drop you once again.

He is a total time waster and will mess with your head.

The best thing you can do is block and not look back.

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20 hours ago, Pau said:

Now that I asked him about his behaviour and he apologised for his coldness, saying that he was overthinking in his head that he thought I was only after one thing. He said he wanted to establish a connection that wasn’t just sexually charged? Hmm, I dunno.

I wouldn't overthink this. Either you want to get to know the guy, or you don't.

Backing off to slow things down doesn't automatically hit me as an insult. I'd lean into learning more about the guy with his clothes on, but that's just me.

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